


Slanderous Scheme (Original Version)

by YaoiLuvr4Lyfe



Series: Slanderous Scheme [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 12:16:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 43,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14449095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaoiLuvr4Lyfe/pseuds/YaoiLuvr4Lyfe
Summary: Original Version of 'Slanderous Scheme' - edited but not rewritten and no additions.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The original version of 'Slanderous Scheme' is back by popular demand. I haven't edited anything, therefore, I regard it as poor quality, but enjoy! 
> 
> I wrote this version years ago, but it was deleted from Wattpad because of the incest content. The New Version is still being updated, and the New Version will be longer and better written, but so many people enjoyed the original and it has been requested so many times that I've decided to post it. I know the writing style is poor, hence me doing a new version, so please keep any negative comments attacking my younger self to yourself. Thank you!

**Jayke -**

Love is love, age didn’t matter, gender didn’t matter, height didn’t matter, yet, blood line did.

“Jayke, what the  _actual_  fuck?!”

“I-I’m sorry!” I stammered, pressing my back up against the wall behind me.

My elder brother, Alek, glared at me, his hands twisted into tight fists as his eyes pierced into mine angrily.

“You fucking should be!” He snarled, punching the wall next to my face. I whimpered, and tried to duck away, but at that second my eldest brother came out of his room, shirtless and sweaty.  He looked up and down the hall, until his eyes locked on Alek and I.

“What is going on?” He hissed, stomping down the hall and pulling Alek off me, his fists digging into our shirt collars roughly. “Mum is sleeping, you little shits.”

“Oh, get the fuck off me!” Alek snapped, pushing Kaleb off him, but I just stood there, absolutely rigid. “This little fucker broke my IPod!”

“I-I’m sorry, Alek! I really am!” I managed, trying to push myself into the wall, even though I knew there was no point. He would never hurt me to the point of abuse, only a good wallop on the backside if I was doing something really stupid.

But even so, I couldn’t stop myself from shaking like a leaf.

“Jayke,” Kaleb’s hard stare, with his icy blue eyes, bore down on me, and I tried to shrink back further, “how the fuck did you manage that?!”

“It was an accident!” I quickly spoke, then turned to look at Alek, which was hard because Kaleb had such a strong stare. “Y-you can have mine! I won’t miss it!”

Alek’s glare only grew stronger, and his mouth twisted into a scowl. “I don’t want your stupid ipod. I want  _mine_. The one you so carelessly dropped in the dog bowl!”

“I-I’m sorry!” I whimpered, glancing down quickly at Mindy, my dog, who we found abandoned as a puppy, just laid there, her ears down as she stared up at us. “I-I’ll buy you a new one!”

Kaleb finally released me, and I took the opportunity to slide down the wall a little bit, but his hand came right back out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me back into position.

“We don’t run from our problems,” he reminded me heatedly. “Now, settle this before bed-time. I don’t want either of my little brothers turning into mince meat before the day is even over.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be the one looking all broke up and ugly,” Alek snarled, stepping closer to me, but a different arm came swinging out, blocking Alek.

“Can you guys not? Some of us are tryin’ to sleep.” My immediate older brother, Lakyn, stood next to me, his eyes hard as he glared at Alek. “If he said he’s sorry, he’s fucking sorry.”

Alek glowered at Lakyn for a moment, and then turned back to me, his gaze hard.

“Don’t talk to me.” He growled. “All day.”

I nodded, feeling myself shake even more.

“I-I won’t.”

“That counts as talking, you stupid idiot.”

“S-sor--” I stopped myself, and looked down at my bare feet. I  _was_  stupid.

“And I want your ipod. Something needs to keep my busy on the walk to school.”

I nodded again, moving free of Kaleb and Lakyn to get my small orange ipod.

“But,” Alek stated again, making me freeze, “give it to Lake, or Kay. I don’t want your germs.”

Lakyn and Kaleb didn’t say anything, and I didn’t expect them too. When Alek was pissed, he let everyone know. And if anyone stood in the way, they’d pay.

I nodded once more, then quickly scurried away, clicking my fingers at Mindy who picked her border collie body up, and trotted after me. I stepped into my room, allowing Mindy to slip in after me, and then I closed the door gently.

Mindy went to her bed, that was in the corner and surrounded by her doggy toys, and I moved to my bed side table, where I had my little ipod charging. I grabbed it and stood up straight, looking out my window and into the nice ripe backyard. The grass was a fresh lime green, and the trees were standing steady, with a couple flours growing around them. Sure, there was a lot of brown dots where Mindy had pooed, and I would surely clean it later, but otherwise, our garden was fresh and beautiful.

I sighed, feeling tears push their way from the back of my eyes, but I blinked them back and stood up straighter, pushing my shoulders back and rising my head.

If you showed weakness, there was no point in living.

That’s what my father told me before he went off to join the army.

I was the disappointment in this family. My brother’s were all strong, they took crap and fucked it up so much, that it came out as designer crap. Their way.

Whereas I took crap, and I cowered with it, holding it out at arms length, while watching it closely, waiting for it to jump out and just gobble me. And when it doesn’t do that, I slowly, slowly, pull it to pieces, looking at each piece specificly and thinking about what I can do to get rid of it.

I’m nothing like my brothers.

A rough knock on my door had me jumping nearly ten feet in the air, and I spun around, clicking at Mindy. She gave me a doggy sigh, and I wanted to coo at her cuteness, but I contained it and pointed to my bed. She trotted past me, and jumped up onto my bed, and then walked to the window.

“Come in!” I called, hating the way my voice shook slightly.

As my door handle turned, I crawled across my bed and pushed open my window, letting Mindy jump out onto the small barrel beneath it, and then onto the grass.

“Be quick!” I urged her, while grabbing my grey slacks from the end of my bed. I looked over my shoulder as Lakyn walked in, shutting the door gently behind him. But his gaze was nothing but stern and pissed.

“Jayke,” he grumbled, walking over and leaning against the wall so he could look at me. He gestured for me to carry on with getting changed, but I was now standing frozen.

I couldn’t get changed, not with him standing there.

Because... Because, believe it or not, I had a boner... Just from my brother’s acting rough with me. I mean, no! I didn’t like the rough stuff, but I liked... I liked them.

My brother’s I mean.

Ugh, I was disgusting.

“Hurry up, Jayke.” Kaleb snapped, and I looked up at quickly, feeling my body quake in shock from his strong voice.

“Sorry,” I murmured, turning my back to him, and quickly tearing my pyjama pants off, and tearing my school ones on. When they were safely on, and concealing me, I started to peel my shirt off, but caught myself.

There were scars, scattering my arms.

Old scars, I hadn’t done... Done  _that_ , for months now, but scars, nonetheless. I spun around, grabbing my ipod, I held it out to Kaleb.

“Co-could you  give this to Alek... Please?”

Kaleb’s eye brow arched a little, but he shrugged and snatched the orange thing off me.

“We will be having a talk before you go to school,” he pointed out, then left, slamming the door shut behind him.

I took the time to quickly strip my shirt, and pull on my white blouse, and then my green and brown tie.

“Mindy!” I called softly, moving to kneel on my bed and look out the window, “come on, girl!”

A blur of black and white sped across the grass, and then she was jumping back into my room. The second she was in here, she dropped onto the floor and made her way to her bed.

“Good girl,” I smiled, walking over to her and letting my fingers run through her rough but gentle fur. “I’ll see you later.”

I stood up and grabbed my back-pack, then made my way out of my room, closing my door gently. I walked down to my mum’s room, and knocked on her door gently.

“Mum?” I called, a little hesitant at first about walking in, but with her mumbled reply, I pushed the door open and walked over to her bed. “I’m about to leave.”

She blinked up at me blearily, “oh, sweetie. Have a good day, okay?”

“I will,” I promised, touching her hand gently, “you too.”

“I will baby boy,” she sighed, reaching up and touching my cheek gently, “I love you.”

“Love you too.” I leaned down and kissed her cheek, then left, closing the door gently.

I turned around, only to smack into Lakyn. He had a cigarette sticking out of his mouth, and smoke was blowing from the corner’s of his mouth.

“You going to school?” He murmured, pulling the stick from his mouth and blowing more smoke out.

My eyes watered as smoke covered them, but I just blew it away and nodded slightly.

“I always go,” I reminded him.

He shrugged.

Lakyn dropped out two years ago, when he was in my year level now. Said he could be doing better things then stuff we’d never need to know in our lives.

“Is Alek?”

I shrugged, looking at my feet.

“It’s not your fault,” Lakyn murmured, putting the cigarette back to his mouth for a quick puff.

“It is,” I sighed, then looked down the hall as Alek walked out of his bedroom, his school uniform on, with the top three buttons of his blouse undone, and his tie halfway down his chest. His blazer was tossed over his shoulder, and he had a lolly pop in his mouth.

He looked up the hall to us, and glared at me, before turning to Lakyn and rolling his eyes.

“Must you do that, Lake?” He growled, “smoke is horrible. Fire’s worse.”

“Smoke tastes amazing,” Lakyn smirked, “and fire’s beautiful.”

Alek rolled his eyes, then turned and walked into the kitchen.

“If it wasn’t my fault, he wouldn’t be ignoring me.” I spoke up, but was still quiet.

“Big brother’s are just irritating,” Lakyn huffed, blowing more smoke into my face.

“Do you have to do that?” I mumbled, blowing the smoke away again, and he grinned a little.

“Didn’t I just say big brother’s were irritating?” He left it at that and walked down the hall, still wearing boxers, and no shirt.

Oh, my feels.

“Jayke, come here.” Kaleb’s voice filled the hall, and my insides froze up for a moment, until I relaxed myself and turned around to stare at my eldest brother.

“Mm?” I slung my bag onto both my shoulders and smiled up at him, but his glare made my smile drop instantly.

“You need to be more careful,” he spoke, but I knew he was picking his words carefully, thinking about them before speaking them.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pushing the tears back again, and looking at the floor.

“I don’t want you to apologise, I just want you to be more fucking careful.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

That was it.

I turned around, walking past the kitchen, where Alek was swearing at Lakyn for smoking in his face, and playing with the lighter. I walked past the bathroom, because I knew that I looked like a complete and utter mess, and I wouldn’t be able to fix it. This hair never stayed in style. Everyday it would be like, ‘OH MY GOD, LET’S SCREW UP JAYKE’S DAY! WOOO!’ and yeah, enough said.

“Jayke!” Kaleb called right as I reached the front door, and my fingers linged on the metal.

“Yes?” I looked over my shoulder briefly, to see him standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his blue eyes still as icy as ever.

“Do you have food?”

“Yes,” I lied, turning the front door handle.

“Can I see it?” He questioned, leaning against the doorway and frowning at me. His twenty year old body was nearly as tall as the damn door.

“Um,” I thought about it for a second, “Kaleb, I’m really running late.”

“It’s not even seven,” he pointed out.

School doesn’t start until eight thirty, and it’s a five minute walk, so I know where he’s coming from.

“Yeah, but I have extra-credit.” I lied again, stepping out the door, “and it’s really important that I don’t fall behind.”

“Fall behind?” Lakyn snorted, poking his head out of the kitchen, “little brother, you’re at least three months in front of everyone else in your class.”

“I’m not that smart.” I pointed out, shuffling awkwardly.

“No,” Kaleb agreed, “but you are ahead of your class. What extra-credit is it? I’m sure you can miss it, just to show me your food. And you know, from all this talking, you could’ve just shown it to me, and been on your merry way. But no, instead you stood there arguing with me, which you will be punshied for when you get home tonight,  and yet, you still refused to show me your lunch.”

I looked at my feet, digging my hands into my pockets.

“So, let me ask you again.” Kaleb stepped forward, “do you have food?”

“No,” I finally muttered, and his vice like grip came out and gripped my arm tightly, pulling me from the door. A hard smack was sent to my backside, and I gasped in shock, but not surprise.

“You haven’t eaten breakfast either.” Kaleb snapped, pushing me into the kitchen, where Alek was sitting on the bench and eating toast. “Get the fucking cereal out.”

I grabbed the milk from the fridge, and then turned to get out the cereal. I didn’t serve myself much, but I did give myself enough to satisfy Kaleb, who left the kitchen when I was seated next to Lakyn at the table.

“You shouldn’t lie to him,” Lakyn murmured, puffing more smoke out, “you know it pisses him off. And don’t forget that I’m stuck with him until he goes to work.”

“Sorry.”

“Bullshit,” Alek smacked me on the back of the head, and I gasped, nearly smacking my head into the table. “Don’t lie, you little shit. You do it on purpose.”

“N-no, I don’t.” I argued, but my voice was little.

“Uh-huh, you little shitter.” Alek left the kitchen, and headed to his bedroom, where he slammed the door shut angrily.

Lakyn sighed, pushing himself up and blowing smoke into my face once more.

“I’ll go talk to him,” he headed out of the kitchen, banging into Kaleb on the way. Kaleb pulled the cigarette from Lakyn’s mouth, and flicked it onto the kitchen floor.

“I thought I told you to stop with the smoking.” Kaleb snapped, and Lakyn shrugged, his gaze lingering on the broken cigarette on the floor. “Go and get in the shower.”

Lakyn rolled his eyes, but complied anyway. His ‘talk’ with Alek forgotten.

Kaleb looked at me, his eyes angry as he poured himself some coffee.

“You think it’s funny making us worry about you not eating? Huh? Do you like watching us squirm?” He growled out, slamming his coffee mug down after a while.

I just sat there, chewing and choking on my cereal.

“Answer me, you little fuck!”

“No,” I squeaked, watching him wearily as he took a step toward me, “no, I don’t like making you worry.”

“Are you sure?” He snapped. “It looks like you fucking enjoy it.”

“I don’t.”

Kaleb stared at me for a moment, until he pushed his coffee mug away and left the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway though, just for a second.

“I expect to find two pieces of bread gone, and less jam then there was before. Understood?”

I nodded, looking back down at my cereal.

He didn’t say anything else, instead he just left, heading to his room, where he slammed the door shut angrily and just as violently as Alek.

I sighed, finally finishing my cereal. I made up a sandwhich , just as he had told me, and then left.

I could just go to the park, or sit on the swings at school. Or maybe finish some homework... Not like I had any homework to finish.

But, as long as I wasn’t here.

I knew when I wasn’t wanted.

And it was in bold highlights here.


	2. Chapter Two

**Jayke -**

 

If life at home wasn’t bad enough, life at school was worse. And all because of one boy.

 

Jessup Smallston.

 

Eighteen, Alek’s best friend, bulky as hell, and has the worst attitude ever. He’s been my worst nightmare since I started middle school. Ever since he started coming over to our house to hang with Alek, and suck up to Kaleb, he’s been flicking my ears and poking my ribs, and pinching my cheeks roughly.

 

Now that I’m older though, it’s become punching me, kicking me, and tripping me.

 

Alek doesn’t know though, Jessup makes sure to do it when none of my brother’s are around.

 

I don’t see why he goes to the trouble of being secretive though, it’s not like they would care. Hell,  _I_ don’t care.

 

“Yo! Winston!”

 

As if on cue, his smug voice filled the school hallway, making myself and many other students cringe.

 

“Oi!  I’m talking to you!”

 

I did my best to ignore him, and picked up my pace. I’d gone the whole day without running into him, or Alek for that matter, if I could keep it up, today will have gone by quite good, considering the circumstances of this morning.

 

“Don’t give me your back! You little faggot!”

 

I flinched at the ferocity of the words, but otherwise, ignored it. I shoved the school doors open, and took off at a run. My feet slapped the ground, and my bag jostled around on my back and shoulders.

 

The wind whipped around crazily, tugging at my blazer and hair, but besides of that, it didn’t disturb me.

 

As I made it to the end of the street, I glanced over my shoulder, my knuckles white and my breathing coming out quick and fast. Jessup and his group of small-brained rugby players, were no where to seen, and I couldn’t have been more relieved.

 

I turned back to look down the road, the trees swayed crazily, back and forth, in a fashion that made it look like they were beckoning me to run to them.

 

I turned around again, making sure they weren’t there, and my heart calmed down when I saw that they surely were no where in sight.

 

I turned back to the road laid out in front of me, and took off at a level jog, allowing my body to push itself only a little bit.

 

However, I found my legs pumping harder and faster as the wind picked up behind me, pushing me angrily. I smiled into the air, feeling my cheeks stretch and burn, but I didn’t care as a small giggle flew from my lips.

 

The air, the breeze, the wind. They were my best friends. They always encouraged me to continue on with life.

 

And I always did so, just so I never let them down.

 

“Jayke!”

 

And sometimes, it even felt like it was talking to me.

 

“Jayke!”

 

I just never realized how much it sounded like Kaleb.

 

“Jayke, would you fucking look at me, you brat!”

 

“What?” I stumbled forward, my arms swinging around crazily as I pulled myself to a halt, ignoring the wind as it screamed in my ears, telling me to continue running.

 

“Don’t say ‘what.’” Kaleb’s old beat up truck came up next to me, and he looked out the window, waving me over, “get in.”

 

“Why?” I found the words leaving my mouth before I could stop them. I scolded the wind for making me breathless, because when I was breathless, thoughts didn’t form in my brain properly, and I blurted stuff stupidly.

 

Kaleb looked at me, his blue eyes shining with something as his eyebrow rose in question, “it’s about to start raining. Lakyn urged me to pick you up from school, but when I got there, you were gone.”

 

He got me at the rain.

 

I walked across the road and pulled the old door open, sliding onto the leather seat and slamming the door behind me.

 

That’s why the breeze had hidden, and the wind was being rough. It was warning me.

 

A storm was coming.

 

“Sorry,” I mumbled, winding the window up and leaning back in the seat. I don’t know why I was apologising, but I always felt the urge to say sorry with my brothers. Mostly because I did something wrong, but then times like this as well, because I felt like I was annoying them with my presence.

 

“Don’t say sorry,” he grumbled, turning the car down our street, “you didn’t do any thing wrong, for fucksake.”

 

“Sorry,” I sighed, resting my head against the window, looking out at the houses that flew by.

 

Kaleb sighed in fustration, but didn’t say anything. Instead he just drove into the car park, instructed me to get out, and then slammed the truck door shut.

 

I didn’t mean to make him angry.

 

“I’m going to get you some milk, and a couple biscuits for afternoon tea,” he explained, opening te front door and hanging his jacket up on the hook on the wall, “I want to watch you drink it, and eat them, okay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good, now go and get Mindy. I’m sure she hates always being locked up.” He spoke quietly, but I could hear the strain on his voice.

 

I nodded, and trudged past him, dumping my school bag at the door. I was aware of Kaleb kneeling down and opening it, but I ignored him as I moved to my bedroom.

 

“Mindy, come on girl,” I called, pushing the door open, and clicking at the furry thing curled up on her bed. “I’m home!”

 

She shot up like she’d been shocked, and flew across the room. Her front paws connected with my chest as she jumped up, and her wet tongue slathered across my face.

 

“Ew, girl, stop!” I cried, pushing her off me, and then stepping back, wiping at my mouth hurriedly, “you’re disgusting.”

 

She barked at me in reply, her tail swooshing from side to side happily, as her tung hung out the side of her mouth.

 

“Come on,” I walked down the hallway, back to the kitchen. Inside, Alek was sitting on the bench, his school uniform on, and puffing slightly as he ate a banana, meaning he’d gotten home some time when I had walked up the hall to get Mindy.

 

His brown eyes sweeped over me for a second, but his face stayed blank, and he continued to shun me. I ignored the ache in my chest, and forced back the lump in my throat that had formed over a second, and blinked back the pathetic tears.

 

Lakyn was standing over the stove, shirtless and dressed in black skinny jeans, a cigarette still sticking out of his mouth. Kaleb was at the table, drinking a mug of coffee, while setting down a plate of biscuits, and a glass of milk.

 

“Get your ass over here.” He called, not looking up as he set two biscuits next to my glass, while dunking another inside his coffee. He finally looked up when I didn’t move from the doorway, and he frowned. “Don’t make me say it twice, fucking hell.”

 

I quickly stepped over to the table, and sat down, pulling the glass toward me and grabbing a biscuit.

 

“How was school?” Kaleb asked, turning to Alek.

 

I could sense the shrug from here, it was the same response every day.

 

“It’s school, what do you think?” Alek spat back, sarcasm smothering his voice. Kaleb rolled his eyes in reply, and the bent down, grabbing something from the floor.

 

He dumped a bunch of books on the table, and my heart sank as I realised it was all my homework.

 

“You can get started when you’re finished,” he sat back, crossing his arms over his chest, “understand?”

 

I nodded, bringing the glass up to my mouth and sipping at the white goodness inside it.

 

“Kay, lay off man, let him breathe.” Lakyn called, stirring the substance in the pot, which smelt a lot like soup. Pumpkin soup.

 

“If he gets lazy, he’ll become like you and Alek,” Kaleb snapped back, scowling at Lakyn as my other brother turned and shot Kaleb the bird.

 

“I’m pretty damn amazing, thank you.” Lakyn chuckled to himself, as he grabbed a glass of water, his soup bubbling in the pot.

 

“Here, bitch.”

 

I turned around right as Alek threw my orange ipod back. I only just caught it, and sighed with relief to realize he hadn’t scratched it in his anger with me.

 

“You have shit taste in music.”

 

I turned away from him, desperate to apologize, but I knew I couldn’t. He’d be pissed if I spoke to him.

 

“Hey, fucker.” He called again, and I heard his feet hit the ground, “you’re off speech ban. You can talk, you idiot.”

 

I looked back up at him, his brown eyes connecting with mine.

 

“Sorry.”

 

He sighed, running a hand over his face and moving to sit next to me, stealing one of my biscuits and stuffing it in his mouth. Kaleb opened his mouth to tell Alek off, but Alek merely held up the palm of his hand.

 

“Stop apologising,” he grumbled to me, swallowing everything in his mouth quickly. “It’s fustrating.”

 

“Sor- Okay.” I sighed, sipping at my milk again.

 

Alek grumbled something to himself, then grabbed my books, pulling them to himself. I opened my mouth to protest, but he waved me off.

 

“I want to see the shit they give you.” He opened one of my books, and instantly squinted at the scrawl that was all over the page, “actually. You know what, no. I don’t care.”

 

He closed the book shut and pushed it to me.

 

“It’s bullshit how you’re ahead of the class, you nerd.”

 

I cracked a small smile, my hands clinging to each other desperately and sweaty as Alek grinned at me lopsidedly.

 

But it disappeared just quickly, and he grumbled something to himself, before standing up and leaving the kitchen. It wasn’t until a second later that his bedroom door squeaked open, then slammed shut.

 

I winced, wondering if I had done something to upset him again, but Kaleb sighed and stood up before my thoughts could wonder any further. I watched Kaleb leave the kitchen too, and then Alek’s door was being opened again.

 

Followed shortly by another slam.

 

Lakyn sighed, going back to stirring the soup, but he casted me a quick glance.

 

“Don’t worry Jay, it’s not you.”

 

Everybody knew that was code for: It’s all your fault. You fuck up all the time. Just, ugh, stop it. Go away.

 

All that, in three words.

 

I sighed, forcing the tears back again.

 

I really was pathetic, and stupid.

 

And the best part, I didn’t even know what I was doing wrong, besides of just existing. I never knew what to do, especially with all these mixed signals and emotions.

 

Did they want me gone? Did they want me to stay? Did they love me like a baby brother? Or just love me because they had too? Did they even like me? Or did they find looking after me annoying as hell?

 

All those questions, just racing through my mind repeatedly. It made me wonder what was wrong with me. How could I be that screwed up in my head. Was it even possible?

 

I sighed, standing up and clicking at Mindy who was laying under the table.

 

“Come on girl,” I called, walking out of the kitchen. My homework was still sitting there, discarded and lonely.

 

“Where are you going?” Lakyn called out to me, but I ignored him, calling Mindy to me as I trudged past Alek’s room.

 

I didn’t miss the hushed voices coming from inside.

 

I let Mindy into my room, and shut the door tightly behind us.

 

I turned to my open window, and climbed onto my bed, leaning over and letting the rough wind pick up, calling, shouting, screaming for the rain to come and make it’s down pour.

 

I flinched slightly as the first drop of rain fell onto my window sill a couple minutes later. I watched, my heart pounding harshly in my chest, as more rain picked up, starting to pour down harshly.

 

It was no secret that thunderstorms scared me, and water scared me just as much.

 

These were usually the nights that I would curl up with someone, whether it was a reluctant brother, or my mum, or maybe my dad if he was here, and not utterly disapointed in me for being gay. .

 

Mindy whined behind me as more rain pelted down, dripping onto my window, and falling downward, until dripping onto my hand that was resting on the sill.

 

I yelped, reacting the same wat that I would if it was hot acid.

 

I shook my head, scolding myself as I slammed my window shut and closed the curtains, englufing my room in darkness.

 

I sighed, dropping down and resting my head against the pillow, facing my room. A small snake of light filtered into my room, from the small slither under my door, shwoing the hall light.

 

“Mindy, come here,” I called softly, reaching out for her comfort.

 

She pulled herself up onto the bed, and collasped next to me, her head resting on my arm as I wrapped them around her. “Good girl.”

 

I didn’t allow sleep to take over me, but I did allow a sense of complete relaxation.

 

And hell, if it didn’t feel amazing.


	3. Chapter Three

**Jayke -**

 

I was woken by a loud rumble of thunder, and a sharp bolt of lightening, which made my room flash even with my blinds down and curtains drawn.

 

I reached out, hoping to get a firm grip on Mindy’s fur, but instead I got a fistful of rug. I sat up quickly, blinking rapidly and looking around my dark room. There was a rug on me, one that hadn’t been there before. And Mindy was gone. Her bed empty, and mine too.

 

Another flash of lightening went off, followed quickly by a loud bang.

 

I yelped, throwing the rug off me and pushing myself to my feet. Panic swam through me, starting at the pit of my stomach, and clawing it’s way up through my throat and into a small whimper.

 

I managed to walk aross my room and grab my door handle. My leg’s felt shaky, and my hands were sweating like crazy. I shook my head, and flinched as another rumble shook the house.

 

I tore my bedroom door open, and stumbled out into the bright hallway. My hand went up to cover my eyes from the blinding light, but the precious aroma of pumpkin soup made me freeze, and instead sniff the air.

 

Thunderstorm and light forgotten, I shuffled down the hall, and peaked into the kitchen.

 

Lakyn was laughing at something Alek had said, and Kaleb was grinning as he grabbed four bowls from the cupboard.

 

I watch carefully as Lakyn poured soup into the bowls, hesitating at the smaller one, and looking up at Kaleb, who ran a hand through his hair, but nodded.

 

“Kay, I don’t want to waste this, it’s actually good for once.” Lakyn sighed, pouring a small amount into the smaller bowl.

 

“You won’t be wasting it, he’ll eat it.” Kaleb replied, pulling out four spoons, and then turning to look at Alek, “can you go and wake him up?”

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Alek murmured, but stood up anyway, stretching.

 

“Alek,” Kaleb frowned, using his warning voice.

 

“Okay, okay,” Alek grumbled, and poked his tongue out at Kaleb, “when did you become such a pussy?”

 

Kaleb looked like he wanted to retaliate, but I took that moment to walk in, while running my arm across my face.

 

“Where’s Mindy?” I faked a yawn, and shuffled my feet tiredly.”I can’t find her.”

 

An eery silence filled the room, and I looked up, blinking owlishly, before looking at my feet.

 

“Sorry,” I murmured, turning around, “I’ll just go find her.”

 

“Jayke.” Someone grabbed my wrist, and I flinched a little, remembering all the scars that scattered across there, and my thighs.

 

I looked over my shoulder, pulling my grip from Alek, who was staring at me with hard eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, unsure of what I had done now, but positivie I must’ve screwed up in some way.

 

“Stop it,” Lakyn suddenly snapped, thrashing his ladle onto the bench, making me flinch and my hands shake stupidly. Alek looked at him, confused, and Kaleb raised an eye brow as Lakyn spun around, scowling at me.

 

I quickly looked at the floor.

 

Good one, Jayke, you’ve been awake for a minute, and aleady succeeded in pissing someone off.

 

“I-I’m so-”

 

“Jayke, if you say  _sorry_ , one more time, I will throw this ladle at you,” he growled, spinning around and pinning me with a pair of icy blue eyes, “you need to  _stop_  it.”

 

“I-”

 

“Stop.”

 

I bit my lip, hard, and tucked my hands behind my back as I waited for some kind of punishment to be dished out.

 

“Is this all we’ve taught you?” He continued, grabbing a bowl and passing it to Kaleb, who took it to the table, but didn’t sit down, his gaze stuck on me. And it pained me even more to see a frown stuck on his face.

 

I didn’t want him to be repeatedly disappointed in me.

 

I couldn’t handle that.

 

“To always apologize for shit you haven’t done or fucked-up crap that’s either not your problem, or none of your business?” Lakyn grabbed another bowl and shoved it to Alek, making some of it slop over the side and onto the ground. I broke eye contact with Lakyn for a moment to look at the orange splotch on the ground, “look at me.”

 

I snapped my gaze back up instantly, feeling my heart contract dangerously.

 

“I should clean that,” I pointed out, then turned around to leave and find the mop – and Mindy.

 

“You take one step out of this kitchen,” Lakyn hissed, “and I’ll never talk to you again.”

 

“Lake...” Alek grumbled, but I heard a chair scrape out and a bowl being set on the table.

 

“Turn back around,” Lakyn snapped, and I gulped, until following his instructions.

 

“Yes?” I whispered, my hands only starting to shake more, and I felt tears push angrily at the back of my eyes.

 

I should never have left my room.

 

I saw something flicker in Lakyn’s eyes, but it was gone just as quickly, and I was left wondering.

 

“No more hiding, Jayke,” he glared at me, but it wasn’t a powerful one. “No more apologies, not unless we ask for one, and I promise you, it will have to be something pretty damn huge for one of us to ask for one.”

 

I nodded, unsure of what else to do.

 

I just wanted Mindy.

 

“You’re going to sit here, eat with your brothers, and then do homework, while Kaleb and Alek do dishes, and I’ll be sitting right next to you, to help if you need it.”

 

I drew blood as I continued to bite my lip, and the bitter metalic taste seeped into my mouth, but I ignored it, and instead nodded, although shakily, at Lakyn.

 

“Good, now sit.”

 

I nodded again, and managed to walk across the room to my seat, between Kaleb and Alek, but opposite Lakyn – when he sat down.

 

A small bowl of soup was set in front of me, and then Lakyn took his seat. There was, what the girls at my school would call, an awkward silence that swamped us, but I tried to ignore it as I picked up my spoon, rather shakily.

 

“Jayke...” Kaleb started, but trailed off and had a bit of soup, before clearing his throat and looking at me, “Jayke, Mindy is outside. You can go and get her, after dinner.”

 

I nodded, looking at my soup, and digging the spoon into it. I brought it up, and then tilted the spoon so the soup slowly dribbled off it.

 

“Eat it, don’t fucking play with it,” Alek grumbled between slurping his own dinner up hungrily.

 

I brought the spoon to my mouth again, and took a small sip, then deposited the spoon back to the bowl.

 

“I didn’t give you that much,” Lakyn sighed, back to his normal mood, and I looked up at him, watching as he lit a ciagarette and popped it in his mouth. Much to Alek’s displeasure.

 

“Do you need to smoke that stupid thing now?”

 

“Why, do you have a problem with it?” Lakyn grinned, wiggling his eyebrows as he blew a cirlce at Alek’s face, making my elder brother cough and glower at Lakyn.

 

“Put it out.”

 

Lakyn smirked, blowing more smoke into Alek’s face.

 

“Make me.”

 

It happened before anyone could blink. Alek lunged across the table, knocking his chair backward, and grabbing Lakyn’s arm, pulling the younger boy to the ground in a mixture of limbs and battle cries.

 

Kaleb rolled his eyes, and stood up, bringing his soup with him. He walked around and grabbed my arm, hauling me to my feet.

 

“Let’s go and get Mindy, now.” He pulled me out of the kitchen, and I trudged along behind him obesidently. We walked through the lounge room – which we rarely to never used – and then to the back door, which Kaleb pulled open quickly.

 

Right as he did so, a huge rumble went out across the sky, followed by a flash of lightening, and rain angled itself to pour onto us.

 

I cried out, quickly pulling from Kaleb’s grasp and stumbling backward. I tripped over a chair that was situated behind me, and a whimper flew from my open mouth as I tumbled backward.

 

“Jayke!” Kaleb reached out for me, and the way his hand came swinging toward me, just did it for me.

 

“Don’t touch me!” I screamed, right as I hit the floor.

 

Kaleb froze, his hand still half-way toward me, and I felt more tears push at the back of my eyes, and then pool. I couldn’t even blink them back.

 

“Don’t touch me,” I whimpered, blinking desperately, trying to make the tears leave, but they wouldn’t, and the blinking only made it harder.

 

“Jayke, what the fuck is wrong with ou?” Kaleb sighed, reaching down and grabbing my arm, pulling me to my feet. “Talk to me, for fuck sake!”

 

“Don’t touch me!” I tried to pull away, but Kaleb only tightened his grip, his blue eyes hardening.

 

“Don’t you dare pull away from me,” he snapped, bringing his hand around and smacking me on the backside.

 

I yelped, a tear pushing it’s way from my eyes, but I blinked the rest back and shook my head, hoping desperately that Kaleb hadn’t seen.

 

“Now, you calm the hell down, and tell me what’s wrong,” he growled, right as more thunder cracked the sky.

 

I cried out, and gripped his biceps tightly.

 

“Make it stop.”

 

Kaleb sighed, turning to the door and giving a low whistle for Mindy. Not long after, Mindy came bounding in, her body soaked and her tongue hanging out of her mouth in a grin. Kaleb slammed the back door shut, and then gripped my arms tightly.

 

“Is that your problem?” He dragged me through the lounge room, “the fucking storm?”

 

“I-it still scares me,” I whimpered, clinging to him tightly.

 

Kaleb sighed, releasing one of my arms to run a hand through his hair, fustration scrawled across his face.

 

“I should’ve know the storms would still you scare you this much,” it sounded like he was talking to himself, so I didn’t reply, just clutched him tightly, “I mean, I knew it scared you, not just this much.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He shot me a scowl, “did I ask for an apologiy?”

 

I shook my head, my body trembeling.

 

Kaleb sighed, shutting his eyes, and his fingers released me as they twitched.

 

“Kaleb?” I whispered, not wanting him to let me go.

 

“Sh,” he snapped, running a hand over his face, “what day is it?”

 

“Th-Thursday,” I managed, still shaking violently.

 

“Thursday,” he sighed, then nodded a couple times, “okay, okay, you need to calm yourself.”

 

“What happened?” I looked up the hall to the kitchen doorway, where Alek and Lakyn were both looking out.

 

“Just had a bit of a fright with the fucking storm,” Kaleb spoke quietly, but I could hear the full-blown strain in his voice, he wanted to yell at me for being a pussy.

 

I would too.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered, pulling away from Kaleb, and calling to Mindy, “I’m sorry for being annoying.”

 

“Jayke, stop it,” Lakyn started, but I cut him off – something I never had the guts to do before.

 

“N-no, I’m  _sorry_. I don’t want to be annoying! I really don’t! Bu-but sometimes... Sometimes I just am.”

 

Kaleb turned to look me, his blue eyes shining.

 

“Jayke, you’re not annoying.”

 

“But I am,” I pointed out, stepping closer to my room, Mindy trotting next to me. “An-and, I promise I’ll stop it. Or, I’ll try too.”

 

Alek shook his head, staring me dead in the eye, “Jayke, listen to yourself. You have the whole, ‘I’m a depressed mofo,’ thing going on, I mean, buddy, you’re not fucking depr-”

 

He stopped, and his gaze wandered to my clothed wrists, making me uncomfortable.

 

Alek just shook his head, looking back up to stare me dead in the eye, “Jayke, we speak to you this way, and treat you this way, so you don’t turn out like us.”

 

My eyes widened a fraction at that, and I stared at him, hard.

 

“Dad never told us what was right, he just told us what was wrong, but never how to fix it.” Lakyn murmured, wringing his hands together, “we don’t want that for you.”

 

I shook my head, blocking them out.

 

“I don’t want to make you guys upset anymore,” I murmured, looking at the floor, “I just... I just want...”

 

“Jayke, tell us what you fucking want, and we’ll do our best to give it to you.”

 

Kaleb explained, and I bit my lip, breaking the skin that had only healed a tiny bit from before. More blood splurted into my mouth, but I ignored it.

 

“I can’t...” I whispered.

 

I’ve gone so long without telling them anything before, just sucking it up and going on with it. I couldn’t do it now.

 

“Jayke, we never wanted to make you feel this way,” Alek murmured, “you can talk to us. If you’re scared of storms, like when you were little, tell us!”

 

“I’m not scared of storms,” I managed, opening my bedroom door. Mindy bolted in, and I was right behind her. I could feel the dam inside me getting ready to explode, but I couldn’t allow that to happen. “I’m sorry, if I made you think that.”

 

“You’re not scared of- damn it  Jayke! Stop this fuckery!” Kaleb snapped, slamming his fist into the wall, “I’m sorry if we’re a little rough sometimes! It’s the way we were fucking raised, and we didn’t want you to have this life.”

 

“Jus-just leave me alone!” I cried, then clamped a hand over my mouth as Alek’s eyes went dark, and Kaleb scowled. Lakyn just glared at me, his icy eyes glowing.

 

“Leave you alone?” Kaleb hissed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Fine. We’ll leave you alone.”

 

Kaleb turned around, and stalked down the hall to his room, where he slammed the door shut angrily. Alek’s mouth turned into a sneer.

 

“You know what, I was startingt to care,” his gaze flickered slightly, “but now... Now I could care less. Go fuck yourself, Jay.”

 

“I didn’t mea-” I looked at Lakyn, blinking back more tears.

 

“I was going to make a change, Jayke,” Lakyn whispered, but I could still here it loudly. I watched as Alek moved to his own room, opening the door and slamming it shut, louder than Kaleb. “I thought, maybe we could start acting like a real family again.”

 

“Lakyn, I didn’t mean it like tha-”

 

“Don’t fuck with me,” Lakyn snarled suddenly, hitting me with those ferocious blue eyes, “you meant it, and now you’re going to get it.”

 

He stormed to his own room, and slammed the door shut, this time the entire house rattled.

 

“No,” I whispered, my finger nails scrapping down the wall, “I didn’t... I didn’t mean it.”

 

But it was too late now. I knew that, and they knew that.

 

I felt another tear slip out of my eye, and dribble down my right cheek.

 

And I turned into my room, closing my door gently, and pressing my back to it. A dry sob escaped my mouth, but I kept the tears at bay.

 

I stalked across my room, and slammed my fists onto my bedside table, throwing everything on it, off. I gripped the sides of my bedside table, digging my nails into the wood, as another sob escaped me.

 

My nails continued to dig into the wood, all the way until my nails broke from it, and blood gushed down my fingers. But I ignored that, and instead threw my bed-side table to the side, making Mindy yelp and bolt from her bed, where the table rolled too.

 

“Ugh,” I whispered, gripping my hair, and tugging it furiously, “no, no, no, no.”

 

Mindy whined from my door, and I sent her a harsh glare, “shut up!”

 

She cowered at that, and my heart nearly broke. I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on someone else.

 

Only myself.

 

My bloody and broken nails ran down my face, scratching at my cheeks, and cutting my skin, making blood break free.

 

I ignored it though, and looked at Mindy.

 

“I’m sorry, girl. I really am,” I bent down, reaching out with bloody and shaky hands, but she barked at me and didn’t come near me. “I’m so sorry.”

 

She stayed clear of me, and I stumbled forward, pulling my bed side table from her bed and pushing it back into place. I opened my draw, and grabbed the sharp shiny thing that was sitting there.

 

I looked at it, feeling more tears gather in my eyes.

 

I didn’t want to fall back to that level. I really didn’t.

 

My nail’s gleamed in the small bit of light that shone from under the door, and I glared at the bloody and broken nail beds and nails.

 

I’d already fallen back to that level.

 

“Mindy,” I sobbed, dropping to my knees, “Mindy, I’m sorry! Please, come here!”

 

Her ears were flat against her head, but she walked across my room anyway, and nudged my face with her muzzle, licking my face, cleaning the blood.

 

“I shouldn’t be here,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her tightly, “I shouldn’t be here. I only bring saddness and bad luck.”

 

Mindy whined in my grip, but otherwise, just let me hug her.

 

“Oh god, why me? Why do I need to make everyone I know suffer?”


	4. Chapter Four

**Jayke -**

I didn’t go to school the next day.

I couldn’t bring myself to leave my room.

Lakyn spent most of his day out in the backyard, laying on his back on the lush green grass, and looking up at the clouds. Whenever dad was here, he and Lakyn would star gaze together, sometimes in the backyard, or sometimes dad would drive Lakyn to the park or beach.

My dad.

I hadn’t spoken to my father in about two years now. Not because I he hadn’t called, no, because he called every Sunday. But because I didn’t feel the need to, or I just didn’t want too. All through my childhood, my father had been strict, but according to Kaleb and Alek, and even Lakyn sometimes, he wasn’t always that bad.

He only became unbearably serious and strict when he joined the army, about the time when I was three, but before then, and we have picture proof, he was apparently carefree and fun.

I just didn’t remember him like that.

I remember that everything I did was wrong in his eyes, and therefore, I was worth a spanking. He’d never go over twenty swats, but he could be incredibly rough.

And, well, I guess he rubbed off on Kaleb and Alek, and Lakyn just kind of takes after them.

Me? I think I took after our mum.

She hardly swore, or tried to curb her language as much as possible. My father had a sailor’s mouth. My mum was always trying to please everyong; a pure people pleaser. My father could usually careless what everyone else thought, as long as he was happy and confident.

Mum had bright blonde hair, with chocolate brown eyes. Out of all my brother’s, I had lighter brown hair, making it more blonder. And my eye’s were apparently a rich caramel chocolate shade, whereas Alek’s were a dark chocolate syrupy kind of colour.

Someone knocked on my door, and I glanced up from my perch on the bed, then down at all my stuff scattered across the floor from last night’s rampage. My nails were also still cut and broken, and I hadn’t had a chance to go to the bathroom, so my hands were still bloody and my face must have looked similar.

“Jayke?” My mother’s voice called softly, “honey, are you awake?”

“Yeah,” I called back, standing up and walking across the room to the floor, “I’m awake.”

“Sweetie, I need to go to work now, and Kaleb is at the diner until five. Will you be okay with Lakyn? If you start feeling sick, feel free to call me.”

She wasn’t a bad mother, maybe not parent material sometimes, but overall, she was pretty good.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” she sighed, and silence over took us for a moment, until she huffed a little, “I have to go. Rest well, baby.”

“Thank you, ma.”

I listened carefully as her feet disappeared up the hall, and she said something to Lakyn, before the front door opened, and then shut.

I sighed to myself, feeling my insides shrivel up and I rested my head against the door.

“Mindy,” I whispered, “am I... Bad?”

She whined in reply, and I let my eye’s slide shut.

“Is that a yes, or a no?”

Another whine.

I turned around, and stared at her dead in the eye, well as much of the eye as I could, with her blinking lazily at me.

“I feel bad.”

Mindy whimpered, resting her head in her paws as she stretched out across the floor, giving me a pointed look.

At least, it was as pointed as a look from a dog could be.

I sighed, walking back over to my bed, and pushing the curtains aside, and rolling the blind up, sure enough, Lakyn was resting there, his arm tucked behind his head, and one of his knee’s bent, while the other stretched out.

“I’m so sorry, Lakyn,” I whispered, my broken nails running along the window-sill. I watced as he shuffled around a little, until his head tilted toward me, our eyes locking for only a second. But I turned around quickly, hiding my face behind my hair, and pulling my blind back down.

I slid off my bed, and headed to my bedroom door.  I pulled it open and quickly hurried to the bathroom, where I turned and locked the door.

When I knew that I was safely inside the bathroom, baricaded so no one else could enter, I turned the sink on, and slipped the plug in. I then gripped the edges of the porcelain bowl and looked at myself in the mirror.

It’s amazing what one night can do to you, especially if you’re as fucked up as me.

My face had three long scratches on either side, six in total, and they ran straigh over my eyes, and down my cheek. Blood was smeared across my face, the front of my hair was stuck together with clomps of blood and sweat and dirt, also making it stringy it and greasy. My clothes – school blouse and tie – were dirty and had a couple small drops of blood on them, and my eye’s were bloodshot.

My hands were bony and sticky with blood, and the nails were more cracked and broken then what I first thought.

 _Disgusting_.

I looked disgusting.

Not that I looked any better when I wasn’t caked in blood, but it was a better version of myself, if only slightly.

I looked down at the luke-warm water that was gathering in the sink, and gently let my fingers soak in it. I hissed as the water seeped into my cracks, making it sting harshly, but I sucked it up, and slid the soap in, letting myself grasp it gently, and then start scrubbing.

I was halway done with my hands, when a knock on the bathroom door made me jolt, and the soap slipped from my fingers and skidded across the counter.

“Jayke?” Lakyn’s voice called, almost hesitantly, “Jay, um, are you okay?”

_Ignore him._

I grabbed the slippery pink soap, and continued to scrub at my hands. The water was turning a sickly pink colour, but I didn’t let it bother me. Just like how I didn’t let the scars from my past bother me.

“Jay, answer me, please?”

It felt weird, hearing Lakyn talk softly like this. I mean, he was probably the most gentle out of my other brothers, but he was never sentimental or thoughtful.

I continued to snub him, and when my fingers were clean, I opened tore the plug out and let the murky water drain with a horrible sucking noise.

When it was done, I pushed the plug back in, and turned the hot tap on, then ducked down to go through the cabinets. I pulled out ten bandaids, and quickly unpealed them, while keeping a weary eye on the water level.

By the time the basin was full, I had three orange bandaids on, two  _The_   _Wiggles_  bandaids and four normal bandaids, along with one pink baindaid that had a bunch of flowers on it.

“Jayke? You’re scaring me.” Lakyn was still at it, but I continued to ignore his voice, and instead turned the tap off, and grabbed the soap again.

I dipped my hands into the water, and bent my body forward, splashing the water up into my face, and then grabbing the soap to quickly scrub at it.

It stung, much like my hand, if not more, but I ignored the sharp sting, and continued scrubbing aggresively.

“Jayke, oh god, answer me.” Lakyn’s fist banged against the bathroom door, but I just kept scrubbing, all the way until when I looked back at the mirror, my hair was wet, but clean and clinging to me in little wet snakes. “I’m calling Kaleb.”

He said it, as if he wasn’t actually talking to me, but I know that he was, just as much as he said it to himself.

I blinked back the water that dribbled down my face, and over my eyes, which were still bloodshot, but looked a littl healthier. The scratches were faint, but you could still see them. I’m just glad that the blood was gone.

I pulled the plug out again, letting the water squirm down the drain, and then headed to the bathroom door. I unlocked it, right as Lakyn’s footsteps started to head down the hallway.

“Jayke?” He spun around, his blue eye’s wide, and a cigarette sticking out of his mouth, but not lit.

I ignored him, and walked up the hall to my room, where I pushed the door open, “Mindy, come pee.”

My blue merle border collie shot up quickly, and raced across the room, bolting out into the hall, and then running into the lounge and out the backdoor, which was wide open from when Lakyn came in.

“Jayke? Don’t ignore me.”

I pretended to not here him, as I walked into my room and slammed the door shut quickly.

My brain was set on something now. I wouldn’t allow my brother’s to get close anymore, because:

1)      I couldn’t keep these ridiculous feeling for them.

2)      I’d let my walls down, and something would happen which would tear me up.

3)      They didn’t deserve a brat like me.

Lakyn’s fist connected with my door, but he never opened it, even when I hadn’t locked it.

“Jayke, I don’t... I don’t know what’s wrong with you... But I’m going to fix it, okay? We’re going to fix it. I promise you that.”

What happened to leaving me alone?

“Talk to me. I’m sorry about yesterday, we were all just tired.”

Then what would happen tonight? Would you all be tired again?

“Jayke, please. I saw your face. The blood...” He cut himself off with a small gasp of breath, “Jayke, I’m worried about you.”

I threw myself onto my bed, and rolled over so my back was to the room.

_Just go away, Lakyn._

It was a silent plea, but it held a big meaning.

“Okay,” I heard his nails drag down my door, “okay.”

I just laid there, stock-still.

“I love you, Jayke. Remember that.”

_You’re a liar, Lakyn. You all are._

I felt tears push at the back of my eyes, but ignored them, only forcing them back. I swallowed the small lump in my throat too.

“You will remember that, right?”

I bit my lip hard, trying to keep myself from calling out to him. To stop myself from asking for his comfort.

Because all I wanted right now, was one of my brothers, if not all of them, to just hug me. Pull me into their hard chests, kiss my hair, brush my hair with their fingers, while telling me I was special to them, and I wasn’t fucked up.

But that would never happen, and I was finally realising it. My brother’s were like my father, they knew how to have fun, but not how to comfort.

A wobbly sigh left me, as I gripped my hands together tightly, and squeezed my eyes shut.

How many times had the school therapist told me life got easier? How many times had the small depression group I saw once a fortnight, explain that they’ve all been through stuff like this, or similar to this. I wasn’t the only out there.

But, when it came to this, laying here in complete darkness, and thinking about ways to make my brother’s happier, make their lives less stressful, the only thing I thought of was twenty different ways to kill myself.

A slanderous scheme that would make everyone unbelievably stress-free and happy. Make them grin the same way they had when we were little, and dad was here.

But I was pathetic, to stupid for anything, and that included taking my own life. So instead I just laid in my room, thinking about it instead.

How fucked up could someone get?


	5. Chapter Five

**Lakyn -**

There’s nothing worse than knowing your little brother – you’re only little brother – is in unbelievable pain, and it’s all your fault.

It’s like a stab to the chest.

“Okay, Jay,” I whispered to his bedroom door, resting my forehead against the cold wood, “I’m gonna call Kay.”

I didn’t give him a chance to reply, because I knew there wouldn’t be a response anyway, and I also wouldn’t be able to bear it if he sobbed at me.

I turned down the hall, making it to the kitchen quickly, where I grabbed the phone and dialled the number I had learnt by heart not to long ago.

He answered on the third ring, and my heart nearly came to a stop as his husky voice filled the reciever.

“Lake, you know you’re not supposed to call me when I’m at work.” He spoke the words quickly, and I sighed, cluthing the phone tighter.

“Kay,” I murmured, then shook my head at how quiet my voice was, “Kaleb.”

That was better. Stronger.

“You need to come home, right now.”

“Why?”

“Kaleb,” I mentally scolded myself as my voice came out pained, “just... Home... Now.”

“Lake, you need to tell me what’s wrong.”

Stupid fucking tears pushing at my eyes angrily.

“Jayke.” I managed, hating how my voice wobbled. I was stronger than this. I  _was_.

“What’s wrong with him?” Kaleb questioned, but I noted the way his voice grew a little softer, even considering the fact that it was soft enough while talking to me.

“I don’t know!” I cried, then covered my mouth quickly, looking out at the kitchen door, “Kaleb. You konw how we always thought that maybe he had depressed?”

“How could I forget?” Kaleb grumbled, “you and Alek had a field day while making up stupid scenarios about how he would come running to his big brothers about it.”

“I think... I think somethings happening to him.”

“Like  _what_?”

“Kay, I don’t know! I just... I don’t know what to do.”

He didn’t reply for a second. And that second turned to a minute, which turned to three.

“Okay,” he finally sighed, right as I was about to hang up on him. “I’ll leave now.”

I nodded, not caring that he couldn’t see me, and I hung up quickly, then turned and headed back down the hall, to Jayke’s room.

“Jayke?” I called again, not expecting an answer, but needing him to know I was right here.

I had seen his face, when he looked out the window earlier on. It was bloody, and horrible. And I didn’t fail to notice his nails covered in bandaids when he left the bathroom.

He was breaking himself, from the outside-in.

 “Jayke, I know you can hear me, please, just... Just open the door.” I pushed against the door, but didn’t reach for the handle. There was no point. “Jayke, come on, buddy. I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

It was so faint, and barely audible, but I heard it, without a doubt.

“You never do anything wrong, none of you do.”

My breath caught in my throat, and I gasped a little, pressing my forehead against the door.

“You never do anything, either.” I murmured, knowing he could hear me.

“Yes, I do.”

“What? Jayke, what do you do?”

“I screw up. All the time. I’m stupid. Pathetic. Annoying,” it was all whispered, and I could hear him breathing now.

“You’re not annoying, or pathetic.” I pointed out, “You’re not stupid either, Jay. Have you not seen the grades you’re racking up at school?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.” I said firmly, “it all matters. And you know what, maybe... Maybe you do screw up, sometimes. But we all fucking screw up.”

He didn’t respond to me, and I honestly wasn’t surprised. Just scared. Upset. Worried.

“Yesterday was just... It was a bad day.”

How many times had I said that, thought that.

Yesterday was just an accident waiting to happen.

“For all of us.” I continued, letting my eyes slide shut, “do you understand, Jay? You didn’t do anything wrong. Okay, what you said hurt just a little, but we had no right to react the way we did.”

“Yes, you did.” He sighed, “I’d do the same.”

“No,” I argued, “no, you wouldn’t. Because Jayke, you’re not like us. You’re good. You’ve had a chance to learn, to be brought up well, better than us.”

“I didn’t have a loving father, not like you.”

“No,” I nodded, agreeing, “instead you had a mother who would do anything for you, and three big brothers who would cross all the seas, and kill anyone in their way, just to reach you.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“That’s because we don’t know how. We don’t know how to show you we care, not properly anyway. Not the way you need it.”

He sighed, and whispered something to himself, and then I felt the door slowly open.

“I think I might be feeling a little ditzy,” he admitted, poking his scratched face out, and it took everything I had to not start bawling at the sigh of his almost mangled face. “But... I need to tell you something.”

I nodded, pressing my palm against the door, “you can tell me anything.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Jayke -**

_Shut up, shut up, shut up._

“I’m serious,” Lakyn looked at me with such warm, but icy, blue eyes, that I felt my heart melt a little bit. “You can tell me anything.”

“You won’t... You won’t think of me differently, right?” I found myself murmuring, opening the door more. I needed to know. I needed to feel some kind of stability.

“Of course,” Lakyn whispered, acting as if I was some sort of kicked animal, that need TLC.

“I th-think I might be, um, you know...”

Lakyn smiled a little, his cheeks lifting with his smile, “I don’t know, not unless you tell me.”

“Um, maybe, I think, I might be ga-”                           

“What the fuck is going on?!” I froze and slammed my back against the wall, my fingers gripping into the plaster as Kaleb walked down the hall, his hair was pushed back, and his eyes were bright and glowing.

“Kaleb Lakyn turned around, a grin now stretching his face, and I saw relief flood his eyes as Kaleb walked up and stopped next to him, looking down at me.

“What happened?”

I ignored the question, unsure whether it was directed to me or not, and just blinked rapidly while staring at him.

It was hard enough telling Lakyn what I wanted to say, and now I was forced to have Kaleb’s judgmental view on me. His blue eyes were seaching my face as he mouth worked into a frown, and I felt my heart contract as he turned to Lakyn, who was looking at the wall behind my head. I quickly debated in my head how long it would take for me to get back to my room, and slam the door shut and perhaps barricade it.

But then again, with the way Kaleb and Lakyn were swapping glances, I wouldn’t even get the door shut before I would be caught.

“Jay was just about to tell me something,” Lakyn finally murmured, and I watched as his fingers shook slightly, until he looped them behind his back and away from sight.

Kaleb turned to me, and I watched as his fingers twitched, before he grabbed my wrist tightly. My heart stopped and lodged itself in my throat as he leaned down, his eyes searching me quickly.

“What happened to your face?” His voice sounded strained, and I gasped quietly as his grip tightened around my wrist, making my mind travel back to the old scars that still scattered there randomly. “And your fingers?”

I risked glancing down at my fingers, and then looking at his hand as his own fingers fiddled with my sleeve.

“You have blood on your shirt,” he mused quietly, then slowly ran his free hand up my chest. My breath hitched as he pulled at my tie, then slipped it over my head, tossing it randomly on the floor. “And your lips are cracked, and a little bloody. What have you been doing to yourself?”

I didn’t answer, knowing he didn’t want a response, but I still felt my heart beat pick up to an unbearable pace as he pulled on my top button of my shirt, and then slowly undid the next three. My sickly pale skin showed, and I clenched my hands into fists as he lifted my arm up, and spread my fingers in front of his face.

“Lakyn, call the school. Get Alek home as soon as possible.” Kaleb wasn’t looking at my face, but staring at my fingers as I tried to curl them away from his stare. “Quickly, Lake.”

Lakyn nodded once, and then scurried down the hall to the kitchen. When he was gone, Kaleb’s eyes shot up and he caught my gaze.

“It’s a good thing Lake called me, don’t you think?”

_Yeah, sure. Have all my brothers here, when all I wanted was to be left alone._

I shook my head slowly while trying to pry my hand away from his grip, but he only strengthened his hold and tugged me closer to him, making my back leave the safety of the wall.

I winced, and pushed myself back against it, while looking down at the floor.

Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?! I was fine when I was alone. I knew how to deal with it. I couldn’t handle it like this, not with them trying to make it better, because they were only making it worse.

“What were you going to tell Lakyn?” Kaleb’s other hand went under my chin, tilting my head up so I had to stare at him. I shook my head again, and tried to pull from him again, this time I used more of my strength. “Don’t fucking pull away. I’m not going to let you pull away.”

I blinked, but didn’t look at him.

“He’s coming,” Lakyn called as he headed back toward us, staring at me worriedly, with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth. When he  reached us, Kaleb dropped my chin and pulled the stick from Lakyn’s mouth, putting it in his own before dropping it to the floor and stomping on it.

“What have I told you about smoking?”

Lakyn shrugged, still staring at me, before he walked past us and pushed on my bedroom door. I bit my lip as he peeked in, and then shut his eyes gently.

“Don’t do that,” Kaleb murmured, running a thumb across my lower lip. I stopped biting it immedientaly, and felt heat shoot up from my neck and over my face as he stared at me, his eyes flickering over my lips, before catching my eyes. “What on earth have you been doing, Jayke? Look at this.”

His stumbly fingers drew across my cheeks, where I knew I had scratches.

“It makes me wonder what else you’ve been hiding.”

I shook my head, trying to pull away again.

“Nothin’,” I whispered hoaresly, and Kaleb’s eye brows shot up.

“It speaks.” His hand dropped down my face to my shirt, which he started to unbutton again. “And honestly, Jay, I don’t believe you.”

I felt the blood leave my face and gush to the spot between my legs, all while his fingers ran down my chest gently, sending sparks through me as he undid my buttons. It wasn’t long until my blouse was hanging loosely on my shoulders, my chest completely exposed to him.

“What are these?” He questioned lightly, running his fingers across a couple of really faint scars on my abdomen. Heavy on the  _really faint_.

When I first stooped to that... Level... I cut my stomach and thighs a lot, worried about when it was summer and having to wear short sleeves. But then when I became more skilled with make-up, and just wearing loose long sleeved shirts, I stopped and just moved to my wrists.

“What the fuck have you been doing?” Kaleb bent down, kneeling in front of me now as he reached up and slowly pushed my blouse off my shoulders, but I caught it before it slipped down my arms.

“Don’t,” I managed, hating how my voice shook violently, “pl-please.”

Kaleb just ignored me as he continued to slide my shirt off, until it was at my feet, and my entire upper body was viewable. Kaleb’s eyes slid shut as he caught sight of my arms, and his grip tightened on my wrist.

 

“Really?” His voice was barely there, but I still heard it, “are you fucking serious?”

My heart stopped all at once, and I felt tears push at my eyes angrily. And this time, I didn't know if I could hold them back. 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Jayke -**

Kaleb didn’t say anything for a moment, and he pulled at my arm, stretching it out so it was in plain sight to him. His eyes looked across my scars, and then without warning he grabbed my other arm, pulling it out so he could see it.

It didn’t take him long before something clicked in his brain, and he dropped my arms and went to unbuckle my pants.

But I still had a raging hard-on, so I pushed at his hands, feeling my tears only burning more and a lump forming in my throat.

“Stop,” I croaked, trying to get his hands away from my pants, but Kaleb shot me a hard glare as he called for Lakyn.

“Hold his fucking arms,” Kaleb grumbled, thrusting my scar covered arms to Lakyn, who looked slightly shaken at it, but took them without hesitation.

Shame crashed down on me as Lakyn twisted my arms around so he could look at the scars, and he slowly moved his gaze over to look at my stomach, which I tried desperately to cover, but didn’t succeed in doing so.

Kaleb was pulling at the buckle in my pants, and I only felt more blood rush to my groin as his fingers skimmed over it, whether fabric was covering it or not.

This was unbearably embarrassing.

“Stop!” My voice came out a little more powerfully, and I brought my knee out to crack Kaleb in the jaw. I didn’t let myself feel bad though. I couldn’t let him pull my pants down. Kaleb short a glare at me, and grabbed my knees, spreading my legs wide. This wasn’t the time, but when he did that, it just added to the lust that was slowly filling me. It didn’t help that his head was just  where my groin was.

“I’m pretty pissed, Jayke.” He snapped, right as the front door opened and Alek walked in, only to pull up short.

“Holy shit,” he managed, he suddenly look flustered as he glared at Kaleb, “I can see quite a lot of incest going on.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, this could not get worse.

“Shut up and help me,” Kaleb snapped. I heard Alek sigh and dump his bag at the door, which he slammed shut before heading over to us.

“What do you want me to do, oh-sir-king-of-incest?”

“You’re hilarious.” Kaleb snapped, then spread my legs wider,  “grab his leg and hold it tightly. He’s a squirmy little thing.”

“Let me go!” I gasped, trying to squirm from their grip, and only succeeding in thwacking Lakyn across the face, making him splutter and loosen his grip on me.

I took my chance and tore my arm from his hold, shoving at Kaleb’s head roughly, making him slip back onto his butt. I pulled my leg from Alek’s unsuspecting and confused grip, and jumped over their legs, to get to the lounge room.

“Jakye!” Kaleb snapped, but I ignored him while grabbing the throw on the couch and using it as a shawl to cover my upper body.

“Mindy!” I called, my voice croaky as I hurried for the back door. “Come on, girl!”

I heard her barking out the back, and quickly threw the door open. She barreled in, and I hurried out, clicking my finger for her to follow me, which she did.

“Jayke! Get your fucking ass back here!” Alek called, but I ignored them as my bare feet hit the wet grass, and I bolted across the backyard to the side gate, which I thumbled with the lock, but finally managed to get open.

“Come on, girl,” I whispered, stepping out and feeling Mindy slither through my feet. I spun around to lock the gate, but saw my brother’s gaining on me, so instead I just turned and bolted across the front lawn.

I don’t know where I was going, just away from here. Just until I knew mum was home.

“No you don’t,” someone said, and I glanced up half shocked and half scared as I barrelled into someone.

Jessup Smallston stood in front of me, looking incredibly pleased with himself as he gripped my shoulders.

“Let me go!” I screamed, trying to pull away from his rough hands, but to no avail.

“Jess, man! Thanks, dude!” Alek called behind me, and I felt hands grab my arms from behind me.

“Yeah, whatever,” Jessup released me to whoever was behind me, and I was turned and pushed to the front door. I stumbled inside, Mindy at my feet, and I went to go to my room, but the hands on my arms only tightened.

“Why are you here?” Alek kept talking, all the while I was being shoved into the kitchen and pushed onto a seat.

“You left school,” I could tell Jessup was shrugging while having a pissed look on his face – I knew him just that well. “Without giving me an explanation.”

Alek scoffed at that, “sorry, didn’t realise I had to tell you everything, mum.”

“Thanks for catchin Jayke, but you need to leave.” Kaleb’s voice shot across the room, steely and low.

“Kay, come on, bro,” Alek murmured, “me and him will just go to my room and hang for a while.”

“No.” Kaleb snapped, and I felt his hand grip my shoulder, “you need to be here with your brothers.”

“You’re acting like mum,” Alek growled, but Kaleb only spun my chair around. I cringed at the sharp scrape it made on the ground, the sharp sound penetrating my ear drums.

“Alek, do you see this?”

I was looking at my lap, silently willing my hard-on to go down, when a hand gripped my chin lifting my head up so I was looking at Alek.

“I see Jayke?” Alek glanced at Lakyn, who was standing at the bench smoking. “What about it?”

“Look closer,” Kaleb snapped, digging his finger into my jaw.

Alek rolled his eyes to Jessup, who snorted while looking around the kitchen.

“ _Now_ , Alek.”

“Okay, okay,” Alek bent down, resting his hands on his knees as he looked at me, his brow scrunching up in concernatration, before he blinked. Once, twice, and then looked up at Kaleb, his mouth in an ‘O’ shape. “Scratches...”

His voice trailed off, but Kaleb heard it and nodded, then gave a pointed look at Jessup, who was still looking around innocently.

But he wasn’t innocent. He was a cheetah, in looks and personality. He was scary as hell, and strong, and fast, and lied about everything.

I loathed him with a passion.

“Hey, dude, I’ll see you on Monday,” Alek murmured, turning to Jessup who scowled at that. He looked like he wanted to argue, but Kaleb must of sent him a glare, because he shrugged stiffly before departing, slamming our front door angrily as he did so.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Alek asked, turning to me and squinting as he knelt down in front of me. Kaleb kneeled down too, grabbing my make-shift shawl and tearing it away from me, much to my displeasure.

Lakyn moved over hesitantly, dropping the cigarette onto the floor and stepping on it, before he too knelt in front of me, resting his hand on my knee and ignoring the way I flinched at his touch.

“Look at his arms,” Kaleb snapped darkly, staring at my face, but not actually looking at me, “and his stomach.”

Alek shot Lakyn a confused look, before reaching out hesitantly – all this hesitation was new for my brothers, they were usually all ‘charge and get it over and done with.’ Alek gripped my wrist, and my first instinct was to pull away from him, which I went to do, until Kaleb gripped my thigh, making me freeze.

Alek looked at Lakyn again, but Lakyn was still just staring straight ahead, not really looking at anyone, and then he slowly turned my arm over. When he caught sight of the scars, his face hardened, and he dropped my arm in distaste.

I felt more tears push at the back of my eyes, and I hated myself. I didn’t want them to hate me. I couldn’t stand it if they hated me more than they already disliked me. I wouldn’t be able to be live if they hated me. If they repelled against me.

Lakyn finally blinked, and shot Kaleb a curious look, before glancing at Alek, “do you think-”

“Lakyn,” Kaleb snapped, making me and Lakyn both wince, but Lakyn did it more discreetly. “I do think that, okay? I do.”

Lakyn nodded, biting his lip as he looked up at me, and I felt the tears push so they sat just at my eye lashes. If I blinked, they would fall.

“I’m sorry,” I was just as shocked as them when my voice came out, “I... I’m  _really_  sorry. Send me away, send me to any boarding school, just... Just-”

I cut myself off as my breath hitched.

“-Just don’t ha-hate me. Be mad, please, be mad. But don’t hate me!”

I felt a sob force it’s way out of my throat and finally, shamefully, a tear slid from my eye, dribbling down my cheek. I quickly bent down, covering my face with my hands as the salty tear slid into one of my scratches, making it sting.

“Hate you?” Lakyn asked, and there was something about his voice that made me want to look up, but I couldn’t let them see me cry, so I just kept my face down.

“Mad?” Alek snorted, and his voice held the same thing that Lakyn’s did, but I still didn’t look up.

“I’m not mad,” Kaleb finally snarled, “I’m fucking furious.”

I heard him stand up, and I clenched my hands around my cheeks as he stomped across the kitchen. I heard him slam his fist into the wall, and flinched violently, but otherwise kept myself calm.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Jayke -**

“Don’t be fucking sorry,” Kaleb snapped, “I’m furious at myself. At all of us, but not you.”

It didn’t comprehend in my head, and I felt the tears as they continued to push angrily at my eyes, demanding to be let out.

“Don’t hate me.”

“Did you not just hear him? I'm not hearing things, right?” Alek asked, “we’re not fucking angry at you. We’re pissed with ourselves.”

It registered this time, and I looked up, blinking to clear my view and ignoring the shameful tears that dribbled down my cheeks.

“Why?” I murmured, scrubbing at my cheeks angrily, hating the tears that slid across them.

“Why?!” Lakyn scoffed, standing up and stretching. “Jayke, as big brother’s, we’re supposed to protect you. We’re supposed to be the ones you come to when you’re scared. We’re supposed to be the ones to take your pain away.”

He snatched my arm up and looked at it, skimming his fingers across it gently, “not be the cause of it.”

I tried to pull my arm away, but he wasn’t having any of it as he drew his fingers across it again.

“We pushed you away,” Kaleb seethed past clenched teeth, his back to us as he gripped the bench tightly, “we made you hurt yourself. What else could have been going through that head of yours? Everytime we snapped, snarled, scoffed, ignored you, yelled at you. What did you think? That we hated you?”

I didn’t respond, instead only feeling my groin heat up more as Alek grabbed my other arm and pulled it to him, making me edge off the seat a little.

“And your fingers and face. That must of happened last night, after we acted like absolute dicks to you. Jayke, I can’t tell you how furious I am. But  _not_  at you. At myself.”

“At us,” Alek corrected, skimming his fingers across my scars,much like Lakyn was.

I’d never seen them this gentle.

Never.

And I had been alive for fifteen years.

“Jayke, I’m sorry,” Kaleb finally said as he turned around and strolled back across the room, until kneeling in front of me. “I really am.”

I’d never seen him apologise so sincerely, either. In these fifteen years. They had been brief, or barely there.

I nodded, feeling more tears fall which I tried to blink back, and I ducked my head as I did so. It was embarressing, crying in front of my brothers.

I pulled my arms from Lakyn and Alek as I quickly scrubbed at my eyes.

“Stop looking at me,” I whispered, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes.

_And stop crying, you pathetic shit._

I heard Alek stand up, and as he did so, he grabbed my wrists, pulling me up as he stood.  When we both standing, Kaleb and Lakyn lifted themselved to their feet too, looking at me.

I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.

Nothing could have prepared me for the warmth that was suddenly filling me, and making butterflies- no, crows - fill my stomach, and a god-forbidding lump form in my throat.

Alek wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and he pulled me forward into a tight hug. His warm hands ran up my back, pulling my closer as he nuzzled his head into my hair.

I was shocked, forzen almost.

Alek wasn’t a hugger, he didn’t show emotions often, besides of anger.

“I’ve been a complete ass to you.” He grumbled, almost to himself, “I’ve been the worst brother anyone could ask for. And I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry.”

I nodded against his shoulder, slowly bringing my hands up to hug him back.

“I... I forgive you.”

The words felt foreign on my tongue, because usually I was the one asking for forgiveness, not the other way around. It felt weird to forgive my brother for something that didn’t deserve forgiving.

I mean, what did they do wrong? They only did what everyone else in the world did. They shouldn’t be apologising to me for that, should they?

"Jayke," I glanced up at Kaleb, but then ducked my head back down when his blue eyes shot into mine, but he merely brushed my hair back, and reached down to take my wrists in his hand. I gasped as he pulled my wrists up to his mouth, and slowly dropped a precious kiss on each one. "I want you to promise me something, okay?"

I was listening to his voice. Taking in the complete emotional turmoil that was lacing his words.

My head tilted forward by itself, "o-okay."

_Stop stuttering, you idiot. He just kissed you. Be a little more... Out there!_

"Anytime," he pushed both of my wrists into one tight grip, and used his free hand to hook under my chin and tilt it up, " _anytime_. you want to..." His icy blue eyes flickered across my mangled fingers, stomach and wrists - at the moment, I was relieved my pants were still on. My mind was in the completely wrong space - as in, it was going crazy and forming a lot of... Stuff to happen  _down there._

"Look at me."

I hadn't realized that I had pulled from his grip on my chin, and looked away again. And I still had stupid little tears falling down my cheeks, and plipping onto the kitchen floor.

"Sorry."

Kaleb's grip tightened on my wrists, and I sensed Alek's body as it tensed up considerably, his arms still around me as much as possible. Lakyn stood off to the side, looking... Unsure of himself.

I didn't like this. None of my brother's were acting "in-character," they were all being considerate. Nice. Almost like, they were  _really_  sorry for what they did.

But they didn't do anything wrong.

"Stop apologizing." Alek hissed, but it was softer than usual.

 I nodded clumsily, while leaning my head against his shoulder, but being incredibly hesitant at it. I relaxed though, when he only pulled me against him harder, then nuzzled his head on top of mine.

"This," Kaleb picked up, quite randomly if I may say so myself. "If you ever want to do this again." He thrust my wrists up into my face, and I flinched back, but stopped, trying to stand my trembling ground. "You come to one of us. I don't care what we're doing, you tell us."

"Kaleb-" I wanted to tell him that I hadn't done it in such a long time, that last night was just a form of crazy thoughts going around and making a huge fuss.

"Promise me, Jayke." He leaned down, his face inches from mine, and his breath mingled with mine, making my thoughts go hazy.

"I-I pr-promise." I mumbled out, pulling my wrists free from his grip, and clinging to Alek's shirt tightly.

If they found out these horrible and sinful thoughts I'd been having, they would say no. Tell me to never go to them for this. Maybe... Maybe even tell me to leave. kick me out.

I couldn't be sure. My brother's were hard to figure out, when they weren't talking. But even then, it was almost impossible. They were all closed books, and only Lakyn actually showed a cover, and maybe an author.

"You pussy," I heard Kaleb grumble, and I glanced up, while looking over Alek's shoulder, as Kaleb pulled Lakyn into a head-lock. "Make something to eat, I'm starved."

"Make it yourself, you stupid mutt." Lakyn snapped back, but the corner of his lips twitched, and he spun out of Kaleb’s hold, while putting another cigarette in his mouth - well, he was about to, until Kaleb snatched it off him and put it in his own mouth, slipping a greedy smirk at Lakyn.

"Sit," Alek murmured, suddenly pulling me down with him. I tried to stop him, but my voice disappeared as he sat down, pulling me down so I was sitting on his lap, our chests pushed together.

And, you know, my hard-on pushing against his lower abdomen.

Alek felt it. I know he did. He flinched, and I saw something flicker through his eyes, before he blinked and it was gone. His eyes snapped across the room, looking at someone, but I didn’t turn around. My face was on fire as I stared at the one place right in front of my face.

Alek’s lips.

I had to stop this. It was getting out of hand, and frankly, I was getting more and more disgusted with myself.

“Uhm,” I whispered, wiggling backward in Alek’s lap, but his hands latched onto my wrists tightly, halting my plan.

“Stop. What’s wrong?”

As if he didn’t know.

I glanced up, and got caught up in his dark brown eyes. The way he blinked ever so softly at me, and then he... And then he smiled?

I wouldn’t know.

Alek hadn’t smiled at me, like,  _really_  smiled at, in... Years.

Was it really years? I believe so.

Ever since Dad left, I think.

But that smile, gosh. It never gets old. My heart squeezed angrily in my chest, and the crows, that once filled my stomach, swarmed up all at once, and rushed through my chest, making it hurt somewhat, and then out my mouth.

Literally.

“I thin- I think I’m gonna puke.”

Alek’s smile immediently twisted into a grimace, and he instinctively pushed me off him, making me thud onto the ground, on my backside. And sadly, that’s all it took for the crows to fully fly out of my mouth - which wasn’t much, since I hadn’t eaten properly in such a long time.

“Shit,” someone cursed, but I’m not entirely sure who, because I had managed to turn onto my stomach, rolling in my small amount of vomit, and started to dry heave.

My face burned from humiliation as a hand grabbed my shoulder, pulling me up slowly.

“When was the last time you ate?”

That’s the Kaleb I was used too. None of that, ‘are you okay?!’ or ‘shit, you feeling a little icky, bro?’ crap.

No, it was straight to the point that he saw.

And that was probably how there wasn’t much spew at all.

“Alek, get me a cloth.” Kaleb snapped, and I blinked groggily, finding myself sitting on the edge of the bathtub, with Kaleb and Lakyn kneeling in front of me.

“Stop it.” My voice came out hoarse, but I ignored it, and tried to shove them out of the way.

 _This_  was weird. They shouldn’t be caring. I should be in here, by myself, cleaning myself up.

If they hadn’t seen those stupid scars, this wouldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t be confused as hell. I’d know what to do.

This was dangerous territory that I was crossing here, I wasn’t one for dangerous stuff, that was my brothers. I should be in the middle of a bunch of clouds, with Mindy, and out of any harms way that could be conflicted on me from others.

Only I was allowed to harm myself, now. That was my control.

And if Kaleb, Alek and Lakyn took that away from me, they’d bring it right back, straight through my heart. And, honestly, I don’t know if I would have the strength to build myself a tower again. Or if I would just sit on the line of limbo, and let those who want to hurt me, do so.

Right now, I needed Mindy, maybe something sharp - just so I felt the power over myself once again. I needed to be in my room, away from all this.

I needed stability.

“Jayke, you haven’t been eating properly,” Kaleb murmured, “you said you were eating.”

“W-was,” I managed, as I distinctively remember eating something lately. The horrible feeling of being full, and not suffering. It wasn’t something to easily forget.

“Don’t lie to me,” he snapped, his hand connecting with my shaking leg quickly. I wanted to flinch away, but I wouldn’t. Kaleb’s face crumbled slightly, and only shortly, because as Alek hurried through the door, his face went back up to normal, “don’t lie to me, again, Jay. Not again.”

 

And despite all my inner turmoil, I knew I wouldn’t.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Lakyn -**

“Is he down?”

I glanced over my shoulder as I quietly shut Jayke’s bedroom door.

It was a mess in there, and Mindy was even a little skittish to go inside, but we managed to get her curled up next to Jayke as he slept soundly.

“He’s down,” I confirmed, flicking my gaze across Kaleb’s briefly, before walking quietly down the hallway, trying to not make a sound that could possibly wake Jayke. Kaleb offered me a small smile as I made my way to him, and clutched my shoulder in his large warm hand tightly.

“He’ll be fine.” He said, staring me dead in the eye.

“Will he?” I hated how my voice wobbled. This wasn’t like me. At least, it wasn’t supposed to be like me. I had finally pushed my way into my elder two brothers group, and now I was crumbling under the pressure to be perfect like them.

“Hey,” Alek murmured, his hand touched my other shoulder, and I sighed, turning my head to look at him.

This wasn’t fair. I knew it. It was so rare for us to be this kind to Jayke. Kaleb and Alek said it was because we were protecting him. Keeping him safe, helping him to harden up.

But now I think it’s finally hit us. He wasn’t like us, he wasn’t like dad.

He didn’t even have a small streak of dad within him, like me.

He was like our mother in so many ways, doing everything humanly possible to please everyone, even if that meant giving up their own happiness.

He was our, and God, it hurts me in so many ways to say this, but he was our weak and vulnerable little brother. We needed to watch over him more, not push him away to make him stronger. Because he was breaking... That is... If he wasn’t already broken.

“You know, Lake, it’s okay to cry,” Alek murmured, resting his head on mine as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. Kaleb leaned down, cupping my face and pressing a soft kiss to my nose as he nuzzled my cheek gently.

“That’s not what we told Jayke,” I whispered, feeling my heart break as I remembered all the scars that scattered his body. “I just... I feel so horrible.”

Alek’s hand tightened on my shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me tighter.

“We should’ve known,” I pushed on, gripping flimsily for Kaleb’s shirt so I could wrap my fisted hands into it. “We should’ve done something.”

“Lak-”

“We knew he wasn’t eating! We knew he was keeping stuff from us! We knew something wrong. We  _knew_ -” My voice broke off in a strangled sob, and I froze, pushing the tears back as I dug my head into Kaleb’s shoulder.

“Lakyn,” Kaleb whispered with his mouth at my ear. I felt his tongue flick across it, but decided to ignore it. “It’s okay, we understand now. We can do something about it now.”

“We should’ve done something before!” I shook my head vigorously, “we shouldn’t have allowed it to get this far!”

“Lakyn, shut up, you’re gonna wake him up!” Alek grumbled, but squeezed me tighter, pulling me against his chest. “It’s going to be okay now, I promise.”

“Why?” I whispered, feeling a single tear trail down my cheek, and into Kaleb’s shirt. “Why do we rarely swear with each other, but with him, it’s every second word.”

“It’s just...” Kaleb started, and then cut himself off, as if he was thinking about it. “It’s just instinct. When he does something wrong, we know how to wrong him back. And that’s just by swearing. It also comes with parenting, ya know? At least, in this neighbourhood it does. Swearing at the youngest comes naturally. It’s also worry, and I guess it just shows that we-”

“Kay,” Alek cut him off, “you’re rambling. We get it.”

“Right,” Kaleb nodded, pushing me back and cupping my face again. “It’ll be okay, that much I can promise you.”

I nodded, and then gasped as Kaleb bent down, pushing his lips to mine gently.

He didn’t go any further, just kept them there, and I felt another tear fall from the same eye as before, and mingle with our tongues and lips.

Kaleb’s lips melted a little, resting against mine better, fitting like two puzzle pieces, but I ignored the amazing feel, and went to pull back. I’m sure I would’ve succeeded too, had Alek not moved his hands down to grip my hips tightly.

“I don’t want to do this,” I managed to get out, between Kaleb’s teeth as he started nipping at my lips, and his tongue as it dove into my mouth.

“Why?” Alek whispered, nuzzling the nape of my neck, and then licking up to my ear. My body writhed against my own better judgement, and I brought my hands up to push Kaleb away, but a hoarse croak made us all freeze, my hands tightening into small fists just over his nipples, and making Kaleb groan quietly.

It was cut off though as he turned and saw who had just witnessed our ungodly act, and he paled considerably.

“Guys,” Alek whined, breathing against my neck, but I elbowed him in the gut. “Ow! You sonovabitc-” He must have caught sight of the two brown orbs that were staring at us, because his hands froze on my hips. “Oh... Uh, hey.”

Shitshitshitshit, we were screwed.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Jayke -**

I’m not entirely sure what woke me up, I just know that my eyes snapped open as if someone was forcing them open angrily.

I struggled to get my bearings for a minute, and I was confused as to why something warm was pressed up against my side. Everything in front of me was blurry, and I wiped at my eyes, feeling wetness come away, but for once I just ignored the tears and pushed myself up into a sitting position.

It wasn’t even light outside, and I felt like I had only gone to bed a minute ago.

I sighed anyway, shrugging my shoulders and moving to get out of the bed, when I rolled over something big and warm... And furry.

“Mindy?” I croaked, blinking at the black and white fur that was in my face, “girl, why are you on my bed? You have your own.” I pushed her off, and she jumped at the last second, moving to her bed and curling up straight away to go back to sleep.

I ignored her though, and sat up, reaching up to run a hand through my hair. I felt like I had just run a marathon.

Why was I so out of it?

I pushed at my memory angrily, like banging on a door that wasn’t quite open, but wasn’t closed and you were trying to get through, but it just wouldn’t budge.

And slowly, very slowly, words seeped out and pushed against me.

Words quickly flooded to images, and images rushed to videos.

I leant forward, gripping my head angrily as I clenched my eyes shut.

I was feeling dizzy. Sick. Faint.

I remembered vomiting. Yeah, and then Kaleb getting pissed at me for not eating.

That brought tears to my eyes. He was always pissed with me. They all were. And now... Now...

My throat contracted as I hiccupped, and I felt tears gather at the corner of my eyes.

They knew. They knew all the horrible things I used to do, all the horrible things that ran through my mind on a daily basis. They knew I wasn’t good. I was bad. I didn’t deserve their forgiveness.

But, I also remember them asking me for forgiveness. As if  _they_  did something wrong.

I grasped my stomach with one arm, while my other hand gripped my hair tightly. This was so confusing.

I needed water.

“Mindy,” I whispered, and her furry head shot up instantly, “Mindy, come on girl.” I stood up shakily, my legs wobbling like crazy, and my hands shaking as I grabbed my long sleeved shirt. I shouldn’t care about covering up, not that they now know. But I didn’t want to flaunt it like it was a good thing. No, because it was a bad thing. A very bad thing.

Mindy stood up and followed me as I stumbled to my door, tearing it open and then wondering out aimlessly. I collided with the wall opposite my door at some stage, and then turned around hazily to shut it, right as Mindy slipped out and stood obediently by my side.

I was still sleepy. This all felt so unreal. So strange. Different.

I felt like I had stepped into an Alternative Universe, somewhere that my brothers actually cared about me. That they actually wanted what was good for me.

It sounded good, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t normal. Normal was good.

Another dizzy spell hit me, full-force and I staggered across the floor, clutching the wall tightly as one hand gripped my hair again. I was only managing to confuse myself.

“Mindy,” I whispered, stopping my stride and bending down to pet her gently, “Mindy, I know I asked you this a while ago... But, am I good?”

Her brown eyes just stared back at me.

“I don’t feel good,” I sighed, twisting my fingers into her fur, “maybe I should ask the wind? Yeah? Do you wanna go outside?”

I didn’t wait for an answer, and stumbled to the lounge room, the glass of water I had originally wanted, completely forgotten.

I stumbled into the lounge room, and the sight that was in front of me, surely made my eyes snap open as I blinked and everything around me became clear.

My brothers were all sitting on the couch, their heads tilted down in the ‘surrendered’ look. Something I was always certain I would never see my brothers look like.

In front of them, standing with her chest held high, along with her head, was our mother.

“I can’t believe you!” He was whisper-shouting, her face an angry red. “It’s absolutely vile! Disgusting! I can’t believe I gave birth to such rodents!”

Confusion filled my instantly, and I clicked my finger at Mindy, who was still standing in the doorway. Sadly, the click didn’t only catch Mindy’s attention. It caught everyone else’s too.

My mother turned to me, her face even redder from this point of view, and her deep brown eyes, where I had inherited mine, and Alek had inherited his from, were filled with tears.

“Baby,” she croaked, and I my brow furrowed in confusion. “Oh, sweetie, you’re my only good one.”

“Huh?” I whispered, unsure whether I should be taking a step forward, or backwards.

“Jayke-” Lakyn started, his blue eyes filled with tears too.

 _That_  made me take a step back.

I know we had had a tough night, but and he wasn’t supposed to cry. None of us were.

“Don’t talk to him, you filthy creature.” My mother snapped, turning back to my brother angrily, “don’t you dare talk to him!”

Lakyn looked taken aback, but I saw a tear fall down his cheek silently.

“Ma, calm down, please!” Alek snapped, but his face was emotionless, not angry. “Please, just... Don’t do this.”

“You’re a foul creature!” She snarled, “I don’t know how we’re related. Your father is a fine, fine man, and I would certainly never do anything like that.”

She turned to me, as did my brothers, and my stomach instantly sank.

What were they talking about!?

“Jayke, say good-bye to your brothers. They’re leaving.”

“What?” Lakyn gaped, and I watched in tears as more tears spilled over his cheeks. He finally gave in and buried his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking violently.

“Mum,” Kaleb stood up, resting his hand on Lakyn’s head gently, “Ma, come on. You know us.”

“No.” I watched as my mother’s lower lip trembled, but she steadied it by biting it roughly, “either you go, or I take Jayke and go.”

Kaleb looked worried for a moment, and his fingers clenched harder in Lakyn’s hair. That is, until Alek stood up.

“Leave us here, mum. You go. But,” Alek’s voice had turned icy, “you leave Jayke.”

“No.” My mum spat angrily, turning to me, “Jayke, pack your stuff. We’re leaving.”

“What?” I asked, my voice nearly giving out.

“We’re leaving.” She snapped again, and I felt my heart contract as I took another step back. What had happened?!

“Mum.” Kaleb’s voice had turned steely, much like Alek’s. “Jayke does it too.”

“Huh?!” I don’t know if it my voice, or my mums, but we both turned to look at Kaleb.

“Tell her, Jayke.” Kaleb didn’t look at me, but when mum turned her gaze to me, Alek caught my eye and dragged his finger across his wrist. He then did it again, but a little higher.

Oh.

“You... You do it, too, baby?” My mother looked truly heart-broken, and I couldn’t comprehend her words as I nodded dumbly.

But at her horrified look, I spoke up quickly, hoping to still protect myself from abandonment.

“I used too! Mummy! I promise I don’t anymore!” I cried, and the tears that had once built up, finally pushed free, cascading over my cheeks.

My mother turned around, and right as she did, Alek’s hands dropped to his sides, and his face turned completely stoic as he looked at the wall behind me, instead of at me.

“You aren’t my children.” She finally snapped. “I don’t know what kind of demons you are. But you’re not mine.”

“Mum-” I gasped as she glared at me. Yes,  _glared_  at me.

More tears fell down my face. What had I done! I know I did stuff to my brothers, but my mother... She was someone I made sure to have a strong bond with. She was someone I had expected to not hate me, even if she found out I used to harm myself. I didn’t expect she would just throw me away, like last weeks garbage.

More tears pushed at my eyes, and I choked as I pressed my back against the wall.

“Don’t speak to me,” she snarled, “I can’t believe you. None of you are my sons.”

“What did I do?!” I managed to get out, confusion coming out in tears and sobs.

“You.” She pointed at me angrily, “destroyed yourself with your own brothers. I thought I raised you better.”

“You did!” I cried, my eyes flicking across Alek and Kaleb’s faces, trying to get a hint as to what was going on, but neither of them were looking at me. And Lakyn was crying too hard to even look up.

“Mindy,” I finally managed, “Mindy, come here.”

Her furry body was next to mine within seconds, and I clasped my fingers into her fur tightly.

“Good-bye, boys.” My mother finally spat, and as she passed me, she made sure not to touch me.

I watched her leave, my stomach tightening as I turned to look at my brothers, but they weren’t looking at me.

“Mum!” I finally cried, racing after her, but she spun on me at the last minute, and she looked absolutely deadly.

“Don’t call me that. That’s not a word for bastards. That’s not a word for orphans. Which is what you are now. You have no mother, and when your father finds out, I’m sure you’ll have no father, too.”

She turned away, and I reached out, clasping my hand around her wrist, desperate to make her understand.

Her hand came whipping around with her body, and at the sound of the loud smack, which made blood fly from my lips, Mindy whined next to me, nuzzling her head into my knee.

And I watched her back retreat from the house.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Jayke -**

Tears.

They wouldn’t stop as they continued to dribble down my cheeks. One pale, the other a nasty red colour, in the shape of a handprint.

I was kneeling on the ground, Mindy’s fur scrunched up in one fist, while the other fist was pushed to my trembling lips, trying to stifle my sobs.

I’ve been building myself up for fifteen years, making sure I was strong enough to not cry, and I had finally hit that day not to long ago, only for everything – all my hardship and strength – to crumble down in within a mere 24 hours.

“Jayke...” Someone whispered, resting their hand on my shoulder, but I flinched away quickly, tearing at Mindy’s fur as I did so, making her yelp and nuzzle my neck with her wet nose.

“Don-Don’t touch me,” I managed, scrubbing at my eyes angrily, trying to make the tears stop, but they wouldn’t.

“Jayke, I am so sorry,” Alek whispered, kneeling down in front of me. His face was still as hard as before, but his eyes were shining. “Shit, I am so sorry.”

“She hates me,” I whispered, cupping my face with my hands as I leant over my knees. “Now everyone hates me.”

The last bit had been more to myself, but I know that my brothers must have heard it, because I was pulled into someone’s strong grip.

Too much muscle to be Lakyn’s. They were holding me too roughly to be Alek.

“Kaleb,” I choked out, reaching up to wrap my arms around my eldest brother’s neck, “I’ll never do anything again. I promise. Just bring her back! Please!” I was screaming by the end, I knew that, but for once, I just didn’t care. “Please, bring her back! I’m begging!” I had dug my nails into his neck by the end, as I screamed into his chest.

“Jayk-” I heard him start to whisper, but I was too caught up in my panic to understand anything.

“I’ll never do anything again! I’ll be good! You won’t know I’m here! I swear! Jus-Just bring her back! Kaleb, please! Mum! Mummy!” My voice gave out by the end, and I choked off as I sobbed even harder, more tears pouring down my face. “I’ll get rid of these thoughts, I’ll never harm myself! I’ll do anything! Anything!”

“These thoughts?” Kaleb echoed, his voice only rising slightly, but I continued to ignore him. I just screamed loudly, feeling my insides crumble. Especially my heart. It was slowly breaking in two.

The only person who had ever cared for me, ever made me feel safe, ever loved me for me, had left. Walked straight out that door.

What had happened? Why was she so mad at me!? I always thought that if by some mistake, she did find out that I used to harm myself, she would stick up for me, maybe take me to see someone. I thought she would stay by my side, and help me.

I never... I never thought she’d just leave. Declare her hatred for me, slap me, tear me down, and leave, without  _even turning back._

What she just did... Was what I expected her to do if she ever found out about my sinful thoughts. So I kept them low-key. So low-key that you couldn’t even have the slightest thought or guess. Lately, my game-plan has been screwing up a lot, but I still kept the chances of anyone finding out slim.

“Jayke?” Lakyn was whispering, his own voice heavy with tears. I blinked, feeling more tears push against my eyes, and fall down my cheeks.

I looked up, feeling the fight leave my body slowly, and drain into the floor, pulling me down with it. I could feel two pairs of icy blue eyes on me, and one pair of brown eyes, so much like mine and my... My... My mother’s-

Another sob shook me as I tightened my arms around Kaleb’s neck, pressing my face into his neck. I didn’t care if they hated me even more for breaking down. They couldn’t hate me anymore than then I hated myself right now.

“Why did she leave? I thought she wouldn’t care about it!” I whispered, staring at the side of Kaleb’s beautifully strong neck. Perfectly toned.

I shook my head roughly.

_Stupid thoughts._

“It wasn’t you,” Lakyn whispered, his hand on my back, “trust me.”

“Get that away from me, Lake.” Alek hissed quite suddenly, and despite the tension of the moment, I heard Kaleb chuckle lightly.

“It’s just a little smoke,” Lakyn grumbled right as Kaleb moved forward slightly, “hey! Kaleb! Get your own, for fuck sake!”

“Bite me,” Kaleb snickered, his husky voice in my ear, and a strong scent of tobacco filled my nose. I screwed my face up and pressed my face down between his shoulder blade and neck, breathing against his skin, making it sweaty and hot.

Kaleb tensed up under me, his hands moving to my waist instantly, making me go rigid.

 _Stop it._ I mentally scolded myself, feeling more tears build up,  _this is no time to be getting turned on. Your mother just left you. She_ left _you! Your father hates you, your mother’s gone, who’s going to take you in?! You’re alone in this world! Snap out of it!_

I gasped, my hands gripping the back Kaleb’s neck as his hands moved quickly and swiftly over my front, pressing down on my slowly growing erection.

“Shit,” Kaleb hissed, and I think I heard Alek ask what was wrong, but I couldn’t be too sure, because my mind was going grey and hazy with lust.

But it shouldn’t be. This was not the time! My mother! Mummy! She  _left_. Left!

“Jayke, let go.” Kaleb’s voice was suddenly right at my ear, his voice coming out low.

I shook my head defiantly, tightening my grip around his neck.

He growled lowly, and I hated how that turned me on even more.

I had to stop this. For once and for all. I had to stop it.

I needed Mindy. I needed the wind. I needed-

I choked again, but not on a sob this time. Instead it was from the feeling of Kaleb’s large warm hand dipping into the front of my boxers, grabbing me tightly. The sound of his hand connecting with my erection was a wet one, making me blush and gasp as I suddenly pushed against his chest, sitting up quickly.

“What are you doing!?” I cried, “stop it!”

This couldn’t be happening! They couldn’t know!

“You seem awfully turned on for such a bad fucking moment,” Kaleb growled, grabbing my wrists from his chest and shoving me backward.

I collided with a hard chest, and arms wrapped around my chest tightly as a head nuzzled against my neck, hot breath moving out over my pasty skin.

“Not that that’s a bad thing,” Lakyn hurried to correct Kaleb, as said man tore my boxers down.

More tears poured out over my cheeks as my ratty legs were shown, the old scars scattering my thighs angrily were contrasting dangerously with my clear skin. And sitting firmly between my torn thighs was Kaleb’s hand, which was tightly wrapped around me.

“I think...” Kaleb whispered, looking up and meeting my eyes, a dangerous glint going off in his icy blue ones, “our baby brother has something he wants to tell us.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Jayke -**

My bottom lip trembled as I blinked back the tears that kept pushing at my eyes. I wasn’t going to let them fall though, as I have already poured my heart out enough tonight. Alek and Kaleb weren’t crying, Lakyn had quickly pushed his tear stained face away and replaced it with a stoic one.

So, I had no reason to be crying, not anymore. Besides, I had bigger issues to deal with.

“Le-let me explain,” I started, my voice trembling as I reached out with shaking hands to push Kaleb’s fist off me, but he only clenched tighter.

I gasped, tossing my head back and arching my back against Alek, who still clung to me tightly from behind.

“Yes, explain.” Kaleb pressed on, moving his other large and warm hand to my thigh, his calloused palm passing over my old scars. “And I mean everything. Your legs are so much worse than your wrists, why?”

I shuddered, feeling a couple stray tears slip down my cheeks as I blinked up at him.

“I-I always ha-” I cut myself off as a rather large hiccup escaped my lips, “h-had an excuse to cover my-my legs, it was easier...” I whispered, my heart thumping angrily in my chest as he finally released my weeping member, only to use both of his hands to spread my legs wider.

I gasped as my boxers fell off, and my toes curled out of instinct, feeling something deep within me start to rise up through my chest.

“Why are you so fucking turned on?” Kaleb hissed, sliding his hands under my thighs so he could hoist my bottom up, pushing me down into an awkward position with my head in Alek’s...  _Hard_... Lap.

I looked up at Alek in confusion, but he was staring at Lakyn, who was rubbing his hands together anxiously, while staring at Kaleb. And Kaleb was staring at me.

Well, my mini-me, but his gaze slowly drew to mine, and I couldn’t even utter a word before he leant down, his tongue lashing out across my weeping tip.

And that thing, that had been building up within me before, let loose furiously as a loud moan slipped past my lips, and I spurted out across Kaleb’s face.

 _Shit_.  _Shit, shit, shit! Why am I swearing? Crap! Damn! Ohhh, no! This_ wasn’t _the time! It wasn’t! But he had just licked me, and I was already in this open position, and Alek was licking his lips hungrily, and Lakyn was just staring at everyone with hungry eyes and my mind was going into overdri-_

“I’m so-sorry!” I managed, trying to squirm out of their grips, but it proved to be to high of a challenge, and Kaleb wasn’t even looking at me. He still had a slightly stunned expression on his face, while my... You know... Dripped down his face.

“Did he just... Did you just...” Alek’s mouth was opening like a fish, while he now stared at Kaleb, who was finally reaching up to wipe it off his face. “You just got soiled!” Alek let out a bark of laughter, but it quickly disintegrated as Lakyn shuffled over.

“Uh, Kay?” Lakyn murmured, “I don’t know if you know this, but you have semen all over your face.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Kaleb snapped, wiping his face angrily, “I can feel it dripping in my fucking mouth.”

Alek snorted again, and Lakyn only looked amused, while I was having high trouble trying to figure out what was so funny about this. I had just let loose all over Kaleb’s face! He should be disgusted, throwing me out, hitting me! Something, other than just sitting there looking dumbfounded.

“Jayke.” I blinked up at Lakyn, feeling my face burn with humiliation at my position, with Alek’s continuous hard thing sticking at my head. “I’m going to ask you a very simple question, okay? And you just need to shake your head, or nod it, understand?”

My body forced my head into nodding, but I was nowhere with it.

So much was happening, and all way to fast.

My mother just upped and left, slapping me on the way, and not even ten minutes later, Kaleb had uncovered even more of my twisted mind. I needed help.

I knew that, and so did everyone else. I’m sure of it.

“Do you like us, more than brothers?”

My voice got caught in my throat.

I know he said to nod or shake my head, but how could I answer to that?! I promised to not lie to Kaleb again! I promised. And I’ve never gone back on my promises.

But... If they found out, that would be it. I mean, maybe now I have no mother, and possibly no father, but if I nod my head, it’ll be no brothers.

And they were my family. Possibly the only family I have left.

“I-I...” I blinked, my legs twitching, and Kaleb must have noticed because he shuffled backward, resting my legs down on the ground. “Um.”

Lakyn sighed, nodding as he tilted his down a little.

They knew.  _They knew_.

I felt my heart start to thump quickly in my chest, and my hands clenched into tight fists by my side as I slowly sat up, looking down at my naked lap.

I had disgusted them.

Any moment now, they would start screaming at me. Hitting me. Telling me to ‘get the fuck out!’ And I’d be on my own.

It’s not like I had a friend to take me in. Or a relative that actually liked me enough.

“I-I’ll just go and pack...” I mumbled, feeling a couple tears trickle down my cheeks and over my chin, some falling into my mouth.

But only a few. I think I was all cried out.

Tonight just kept getting  _better_  and  _better_.

I pushed myself to my feet, grabbing my boxers as I stumbled down the hallway, Mindy instantly at my heels as she trotted along next to me.

I heard a thump behind me, and then a hiss, but just continued my little stumbled trek down to my room. I was so close _. So close_ , when suddenly a hand latched onto my arm, just above my elbow and spun me around.

My back slammed against the wall next to my room, and I gasped in pain and shock, making Mindy whine in worry.

“Wha-?” I was cut off by a pair of perfectly warm and moist lips. I gasped, feeling my legs shake dangerously, as my hands reached up to grab the wrists of the hands that were cupping my face. My eyes were staring into a different pair, but I couldn’t place the colour of them, not as the owner’s tongue slid into my mouth.

I felt a couple more tears slide down my cheeks, slipping into my mouth and clashing with the spicy taste of my brother’s lips.

I whimpered, feeling their hips press to mine, their clad in jeans, while mine were naked. Bare for the world to see.

“It’s unreal,” someone breathed, “That you could possibly love such monsters like us.”

I shook my head angrily, breaking our mouths as I gasped for breath, “you’re not monsters.”

The brother in front of me only chuckled, before pressing their lips down harder, sliding their tongue back into my mouth and nudging their knee between my legs.

“Save some for us,” someone urged from behind, but I was feeling to blissful to care much about whom it was. My mind had just moved from the deepest pits of hell, to the highest edge of heaven, where one leap of happiness, could change everything.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Jayke -**

Kaleb’s room was full of pants and moans, and in the midst of all of that, it had grown quite stuffy, sweaty bodies pressed against sweaty bodies, moist and wet lips slipping against moist and wet lips.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I had originally thought today couldn’t possibly get any worse. My brothers had found out something deep and dark from my quite close past. My mother walked out on us, for reasons I was still confused and emotionally caught up in, but now... Now, was something completely different.

There was nothing sad, or bad about now.

Lakyn’s body was pressed up against mine, our sweaty and naked chests pressed together. His dark hair was stuck to his face in little snakes, and his lips were pressed against mine, our tongues colliding together as one, while his hands grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to his body.

My hands were tangled in his wet hair, Alek’s sweaty forehead pressed against the back of my neck as he trailed kisses across my shoulder blade, and up and down my neck. His hands were racing up and down my abdomen, slipping over scars that he didn’t worry about. His hands never hesitated as he skimmed over my boxers, making my breath hitch against Lakyn’s mouth.

Behind Lakyn, Kaleb was ‘preparing him,’ as they called it. I’m not entirely sure what that meant, but Lakyn was groaning against my mouth every now and again, and his hands would tighten on my hips sometimes.

Alek’s mouth travelled down my back, and his hands slid over Lakyn’s, catching the elastic of my boxers in his hands. He didn’t hesitate in tearing them down to sit at my knees.

I gasped, breathing hot air against Lakyn’s mouth as he moved to kiss my nose, and then bent down to catch one of my nipples in his mouth.

I hiccupped, feeling my groin tighten greedily, poking against Lakyn’s chest.

Alek’s body moved against me from behind, and his hands travelled around to grab my erection in his hands tightly, sending spasms through my body. My eyes instinctively screwed up, but I managed to force them open when a new smell of breath was cascading against my cheek.

I blinked up at Kaleb, who had one hand practically disappearing up Lakyn’s rear, and his other hand on Lakyn’s hip. His blue eyes were connected to mine, a small smirk playing across his face as he leaned forward, catching my lips in his.

It wasn’t the same as Lakyn’s kisses. Lakyn’s just breathed love, and happiness.

Kaleb’s were leaning more toward dominance.

I moaned against his mouth, feeling Alek’s hand playfully fondle me, and my cheeks only managed to turn hotter as I realised that all the attention was on me.

Kaleb shuffled around a little, pulling his lips from mine as both his hands attached to Lakyn’s hips, and he pushed forward.

Lakyn stifled a scream against my chest, his teeth clamping down on my nipple, making me cry out and dig my hands into his hair tighter.

“You’re so fucking cute, Jayke,” Alek hissed in my ear, his tongue flicking out across it, before taking it in his warm mouth.

Lakyn was panting now, but his tongue and teeth still worked my nipple, while his hand ran up my abdomen, catching my other between his thumb and forefinger.

“Can I prepare you?” Alek continued, his hand starting up a natural fast rhythm. “Will you let me?”

I still wasn’t too sure what it was, but Lakyn had made some pretty impressive noises while it was happening to him. It might not be too bad.

I nodded, feeling sparks shoot up my spine and cover my eyesight with a blinding white light. A second later I was feeling refreshed. Ready to start again.

Alek chuckled behind me, his hand releasing me as he brought it to his mouth.

I frowned in confusion, watching as he licked some form of substance off it, and just like flicking a lamp on, I understood.

“You’re disgusting,” I mumbled, feeling my ears burn as he grinned, licking his lips, while his hands moved to grip my ass.

“You taste delicious,” he whispered, sliding a finger up, past my ring of muscles.

I cried out at the intrusion, and my hands tightened in Lakyn’s hair.

What was this?!

“Wh-what are you doing?” My lips slipped against Kaleb’s as I arched my back against him, allowing Lakyn to press his teeth against me harder. “Ngh.”

“Mm, you’re so fucking tight,” he grinned, licking up my neck to my ear, while Kaleb bit down on my lower, sinking his teeth into it.

I made some strange noise between a moan and a cry, while moving one of my hands from Lakyn’s head to grab at Kaleb’s hair, tangling my slim fingers around it.

Kaleb, however, had other ideas as he pulled back, catching my wrist in his hand tightly, “we’re gonna make you feel beautiful. So beautiful, that this shit, will never cross your mind again.” His tongue lashed out across my old scars, and then he moved up to take my fingers in his mouth, while continuing to move forward, pulling out moans and whimpers from Lakyn, who had moved to my other, more neglected nipple.

All this pleasure.

And not enough pain.

I had grown accustomed to feeling pain, whether it being physical or emotional.

I couldn’t stop the tears that pushed past my eyes, as much as I wanted too. It was showing weakness.

“What’s wrong?” Lakyn whispered, pulling back from my nipple, and looking me in the face, still grimacing as Kaleb shoved forward every now and again.

I just shook my head, looking down, while Alek’s finger twisted, pushing and digging into my further.

“Hey, no closing up,” Lakyn whispered gently, “we’re not doing that anymore, remember?”

“There’s no pain,” I murmured quietly, almost silently, feeling Alek grind another finger inside me.

I gasped, hiccupping and thrusting my hips forward against Lakyn’s hard-on.

“This isn’t about pain, Jay,” Lakyn murmured gently, and my mind fuzzed, trying to work out if that was the first time he had called me Jay, in a long time. “This is about love, and passion.”

“Since when were you so poetic?” Kaleb asked, his mouth releasing my fingers as he leaned forward, pressing his head against Lakyn’s back as he pushed Lakyn forward, and me backward.

I withered, feeling Alek’s finger hit something deep inside me, causing my toes to curl and my fingers to dig into anything I could grasp.

“Haaaa,” I moaned, feeling his fingers retract as he pulled my hips back, “mmmnghhh.”

“I think he’s ready,” Alek murmured behind me, his hands grabbing my hips tightly as he pulled me back further.

“Ready?” I murmured, lust phasing my mind as I reached for something desperately to push back into me.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to look for anything long, because something much larger than two fingers was prodding at my backside.

I cried out, gripping Lakyn’s shoulders tightly as Lakyn pressed into me, his head nuzzling the back of my neck.

Kaleb leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine roughly ,while Alek completely filled me, to the brink of tears cascading harder down my face.

It hurt, but at the same time, it didn’t.

“M-move,” I gasped out, trying to pull my lips from Kaleb’s, but he just moved forward, forcing Lakyn to lean down, where he shamelessly took me in his mouth.

My head tossed back against Alek’s shoulder, sweat pouring from every possible place. My body was in this whole envelope of intense pleasure.

And then when Alek shuffled forward, sparks flew in front of my gaze, making me cry out and push back against him, trying to get closer to him. Alek moved around behind me, pushing himself onto his knees, and then forcing me onto mine. Lakyn never released me, and neither did Kaleb, they only followed suit, allowed themselves to be pulled in any direction.

I gasped, feeling my torso bend forward, and then all hell broke loose.

Alek grasped my hips tightly as he grinded quickly and swiftly, Lakyn’s lips penetrated my foreskin, and Kaleb’s mouth and tongue abused my own.

And then Alek hit something deep inside me, making that crazy white light hit my vision again. I tried to shake it away, feeling Lakyn gag against me, but not once did he stop.

No one did.

Not until Alek’s last grind sent something else into me, and Lakyn collapsed forward, Kaleb bending down with him.

Sweat, pants, huffs of lust and pleasure.

They were the only things that filled this room.

 

And wow, if it didn’t feel amazing.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Jayke -**

“You’re eating it,” Kaleb snapped, pushing me down into the chair at the table, a bowl of cereal staring back at me innocently.

“Kaleb,” I murmured, “I can’t-”

“Stop it,” he cut me off, pulling up a seat to face me, as he pushed a spoon into the bowl, “all you have to do is open your mouth, chew, and swallow.”

I bit my lower lip as I stared down at the bowl, the sound of Lakyn and Alek arguing in the bathroom the only background noise.

“I-” I licked my lower lip than grabbed the spoon, my hand shaking as I pulled it up to my mouth.

Kaleb smiled at me, a true smile, as he nodded encouragingly.  The spoon came to my mouth, and the cold metal touched my lips, my lips opened, and the first taste of milk slipped into my mouth.

I retched almost instantly, pushing against the table as I went to stand up. I only managed to make the table wobble, spilling the milk over the side of the bowl and onto Kaleb’s lap.

“Shit!” Kaleb hissed, standing up quickly too, and his fast movement made me flinch backward, half expecting him to slap me or something for being so clumsy.

“I – I’m sorry!” I hurried, dropping to the floor and using my school shirt sleeve to mop up the milk.

“Jayke,” Kaleb snapped, and watched as he stepped forward, his knees bending as he squatted in front of me, his hand coming out to grip my chin tightly, “stop it. It was an accident, right?”

I nodded quickly, “it was!”

He sighed, “it’s fine. Come on, get up.” His hands snaked under my arm pits as he pulled me to my feet, right as Alek and Lakyn walked in.

“Fuck school, I’m not going to school today,” Alek declared loudly, tossing his school shirt on the kitchen table.

“Can you make Jayke some toast?” Kaleb looked at Lakyn, who sent me a curious stare while nodding and moving to the bench. Kaleb turned to Alek, his eye brow raising as he pushed me back into the chair, “and why not?”

“It’s fucking boring.”

“So you’re gonna make Jayke go by himself?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Alek shrugged, while leaning over and ruffling my hair playfully, “oh, but could you tell Jessup to answer his damn phone? He’s shunning me, and I don’t like it.”

I shuddered at the thought of Alek’s best friend, but managed to nod my head anyway, sitting back as Lakyn dropped a plate of toast in front of me.

“Why doesn’t Jayke just stay home too?” Lakyn asked as he moved back to the bench, sticking a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it, while pushing open the window.

Kaleb grabbed the cereal bowl and dumped its contents down the drain, before moving to sit back in his seat next to me.

“It’s up to Jayke,” Kaleb sighed, grabbing the toast and ripping into small bits, while staring at me. “Do you want to stay home?”

Alek’s hand grabbed my shoulder, and it slid down my arm, twining our fingers together gently, “we could do something fun.”

“I’ll fall behind,” I murmured, picking at the toast, much to Kaleb’s annoyance.

“Dude, you’re so far ahead, it’s impossible to fall behind.”

“But I’m stupid, I need all the help I can get.”

“You’re not fucking stupid.” Kaleb snapped, grabbing my chair and turning it around, making the feet scrape against the floor aggressively. “Stop that shit, okay? You’re the smartest Winston brother out there, ya here?”

I shrugged, shivering at the feel of Alek as he shuffled his own chair up behind mine, pressing his face to my neck gently, and brushing my hair away.

“Eat,” Kaleb huffed, pulling the plate toward him and picking up a piece of the ripped toast, pressing it to my lips.

I really didn’t want to though; just the thought of putting something in my mouth repulsed me. It sounded horrid, disgusting, and treacherous. If I kept this up, I would die sooner or later, it’s not like I completely starved myself, there were just times that I couldn’t find the heart to eat something, so make my already ugly and scarred stomach, to swell up slightly. It made me want to vomit.

I turned my head away from the toast that Kaleb was pressing to my lips, and instead clicked for Mindy.

“Jayke, you need to eat something.” Lakyn leaned against the kitchen bench, staring at me as Mindy came trotting into the kitchen, her tail wagging a little as she moved over to me. “Anything. Do you want fruit? I can make you a fruit salad. Or porridge, that should go down your throat easily enough. Or if drastic measures call for drastic times, I think we could all live with you just drinking a smoothie.”

They were wasting all this time and money on me. And I was only making it harder.

Shame slowly built up inside me. What kind of a person was I? Two nights ago my three brothers had professed their love for me, something that had been tearing me up since I was younger, and now I couldn’t even eat something for them? I really was pathetic.

“Can I eat outside?”

“It’s windy,” Kaleb warned, turning to look out the window as trees swayed in our front yard.

“That’s okay,”  _that’s the point._

He stared at me for a moment, until his gaze flickered over my shoulder at Alek, who slowly pulled away from my neck and sat back.

“Okay,” he finally nodded, “but you’re not going to school today.”

I sighed, nodding at that. All weekend I’ve been lazy, I haven’t done any homework, whatsoever – I didn’t have time, but that’s no excuse for poor behaviour – and now I wasn’t going to school.

“Jayke,” Alek and Kaleb stood up with me, as I moved to leave the kitchen, “we let you off yesterday, but you need to eat today, okay?”

Alek grabbed my plate and passed it to me. I reluctantly took it from him, and then called for Mindy as I left the kitchen, moving to the backyard.

Outside, the wind whispered to me angrily. Accusing me of ditching him, not coming to him for anything for the past few days. I wanted to snap back, because he had brought the storm on. The storm that had caused more than chaos outside the house, but a deep rival of it inside. But I didn’t, I just let the wind grab at my clothes and hair as it screamed in my ears angrily. I sat down on the grass, Mindy sitting next to me as I picked up a piece of toast and pressed it to my lips, hesitantly though.

I slowly opened my mouth, letting the offending piece of bread to slip into my mouth, and at the same time, I gagged again, chocking it up and coughing as I pushed the plate off my lap and into the dirt, my toast going everywhere.

Mindy whined, moving up to lick my eyes as water spilled out of them from my hacking coughs.

“I’m-I’m okay, girl,” I choked out, clutching my chest as I breathed in deeply.

I looked over my shoulder and into the window of the lounge room, Alek, Kaleb and Lakyn were all sitting on the couches, laughing and talking.

They hadn’t even seen me choke.

I sighed, ripping at the grass as I continued to watch them. I watched as Alek swooped in for a kiss from Lakyn, and Lakyn brushed bright red, as he pushed Alek away and swore or something.

“You know, Mindy,” I murmured, running my hands up her fur and tilting my head back for the wind to catch my hair in quick waves, “I used to think, that if my brothers loved me the same way, we could just be a happy family. No more of this...” I cut myself off as I thought of a word. I couldn’t come up with one though, so I just gesture to myself as I lay back, shutting my eyes, “ _This_.”

Mindy whined next to me, licking my chin as he lied down next to me, resting her head on my chest.

“I thought everything would be perfect.”

Almost as soon as the words left my lips, the wind caught them, pulling them up rapidly and devouring them, before coming back at me angrily.

And I could the words it was screaming at me.  _How could I possibly expect it to be better so soon? Miracles don’t happen over night! They take ages. Give it time._

I sniffled, rolling over onto my side and engulfing Mindy in a big hug.

“I’m glad I will always have you Mindy,” I whispered, pressing my face into her fur softly. “And, although it’s a rough patch, the wind’s right, I’ll always have my brothers.”

The wind seemed to calm down at that, and instead draped over me in a nice tight rug, comforting me and caressing my hair and face.

“Jayke?”

I peaked my eye open over Mindy’s furry back, looking up as Lakyn walked out, his arms tightening around him as he shivered, and then looking down my body, to the plate and toast strewn out in the grass.

His eyes narrowed, and for a second I thought he would get pissed at me.

But he didn’t, he just sighed, running a hand over his face, “I’ll make you a strawberry smoothie, would you like that?”

I blinked up at him, nodding a little. He pushed a smile onto his face in return, and then turned around, heading back inside.

I waited for a moment, watching his back as he disappeared inside, and then as he passed the window, saying something to Alek and Kaleb, who were talking on the couch. They both looked up, before Kaleb tilted his head to look out the window.

I moved my head down, pressing it back into Mindy’s side.

“I’m going to be okay,” I murmured, breathing in Misty’s wet dog smell, while moving my arms around to push myself to my feet and stretching. I bent down to pick up my plate and toast, “Come on girl, let’s go inside.”

Mindy’s body moved all at once as she stood up, trotting after me as I moved to the backdoor, pushing it open and letting the warmth of the house surround me happily.

“She left her stuff here, she’s bound to come back at some stage,” Kaleb was saying, while Alek just huffed and leaned against the couch, looking around the room, until his gaze fell on me.

“Hey,” he greeted, moving over and touching the couch next to him, “come sit.”

I hesitated for a moment, but moved over anyway, curling up next to him and getting Mindy to go to her rug next to the mini fire place – it was more for show than for actual use.

“Are you talking about mum?” I whispered, bringing my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around them tightly while diverting my gaze.

“We are,” Kaleb confirmed, leaning forward on his couch to look at my over the coffee table, “but, Jayke, I don’t want you to worry about it.”

I nodded, looking up as Lakyn came in, carrying a tall glass full of pink substance and a strawberry on top, with a red straw poking out the top.

Alek scoffed as he passed it to me, and then moved to sit next to Kaleb.

“You spoil him too much,” Alek grumbled, but he was watching me as I moved the top of the glass to my lips, and took a delicate sip. The fluffy brothy stuff at the top connected to my lips, and I grinned as I licked it off my upper lip.

“Ya see that?” Kaleb murmured, leaning back and turning to Lakyn, while still watching me, “that’s the kind of a smile a kid his age should be wearing.”

Lakyn chuckled as I brought my lips around the straw and sucked on it gently, letting the strawberry goodness fill me.

“Is it good?”

“It’s delicious.”

“Lemme’ try,” Alek moved around next to me, pulling the glass from my hands and setting it down on the coffee table, I watched him in confusion, until he moved and pressed his lips against mine, his tongue sliding in gently, and lapping at the excess milk in my mouth.

He pulled back, grinning, “yep, delicious.”


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***WARNING***   
> Major Character Death

**Jayke -**

My eyes snapped open with no warning.

Nothing had woken me up.

No one had tried to wake me.

I blinked, looking up at the dark ceiling above me.

I’m not even too sure what had happened.

I had an idea that it was now Tuesday morning, but I couldn't be sure. Yesterday had run through quite easily and quickly.

Until last night when Jessup came over. I think it was because Alek was whining about not seeing his best mate, so he called him up, offering for him to come over and hang. When Jessup did arrive, I left to my room, closing myself in.

I must have fallen asleep.

I sighed, turning my head to look out the window. It was still dark outside, I couldn’t be sure of the exact time.

Maybe some ridiculous hour in the morning.

The wind was thrashing against my window, desperately asking to come inside. But I wasn’t going to give in to its pleas. I was warm under my blankets, and I wanted it to stay that way.

I rolled over, turning to face my room, and I blinked at the crack of light under my door.

Maybe it wasn’t as late as I thought, maybe it was still Monday night.

My gaze flickered across the room, taking in the dark shadows that were only there because of the moons light, shining into my room.

My brow scrunched together when I noticed Mindy’s bed was empty.

That was wrong all in itself.

I pushed myself up, throwing the warm blankets off me. I stood up, grabbing a long-sleeved shirt and tearing it on. My boxer-briefs would be okay for now, it’s not like I would be leaving the house.

I stepped over to my door, pulling it open hesitantly and poking my head out. It seemed like all the lights in the house were still on.

I pushed the door open more and stepped out, closing it gently behind me

“Mindy?”

No response.

I wanted to laugh at myself, she was a dog, of course I’d get no response.

I walked down the hall a little then froze when I heard someone swear in the bathroom, the noise carrying loudly and vibrantly through the house.

“Oh, shut up, you pussy,” Alek’s voice scolded, “it can’t possibly hurt that much.”

“Have you ever been bitten by a motherfucking dog?” My blood turned cold at the sound of Jessup’s voice, and my legs locked in place as I stared, wide eyed and open mouthed as Alek and Jessup came stumbling out of the bathroom.

Alek was rolling his eyes, while smirking at Jessup, and Jessup was holding a white towel – well, it was a red towel now – to his arm, which was bleeding fast and crazily.

“Just go to the fucking hospital.” Alek huffed, turning around to come walking down the hall, but he stopped when he saw me.

“No. They’ll poke me with stupid fucking needles.” Jessup snapped, then also spotted me, and instead snarled, “hey, loser, teach your bitch to stay the fuck away from me. You little shit.”

I know he mumbled the last few words, but Alek and I still heard him, and Alek elbowed him lightly, scowling.

I wanted to know what had happened, but something told me it was better not to ask.

“Where’s Mindy?” I said instead, watching as Alek pushed Jessup out the front door.

“She’s outside,” he called, while shoving Jessup out again, “and don’t let her inside. She’s being punished.”

“What did she do?” Mindy wasn’t a bad girl. And if she did something, it was in my defence. Always had, always would.

“Can’t you see, you fucker?!” Jessup snapped loudly, and I flinched, “she bit me! You’re stupid motherfucking bitch bit me!”

“What on earth is going on?” Kaleb hissed, moving out of the lounge room and glaring down the hall at the front door, “Jayke is asleep, shut the fuck up!”

“Kaleb,” I whispered, and my eldest brother spun around, as if I had scared the absolute crap out of him.

“Jayke! You’re awake.” He stated blandly, reaching over to grasp my arm in his hand, “Why are you awake?”

“I want Mindy.”

Kaleb’s face fell a little as he pulled me into the lounge, where Lakyn was sprawled out across a couch, his limbs everywhere and his mouth open, a couple strands of his hair hanging just barely in his mouth.

“Mindy’s outside, but don’t let her in. At least, not until Jessup’s gone.” Kaleb sat down on the couch opposite Lakyn, and gestured for me to sit down next to him, but I didn’t, and instead moved to the window, staring out wearily.

My eyes cut across the yard, taking in the darker shadows – trees – and the small house shape – Mindy’s kennel – and the lack of an actual dog – Mindy.

“I can’t see her,” I murmured, right as the front door slammed shut and Alek walked back into the room.

“He’s going home.” Alek sighed, throwing himself down onto the couch where Kaleb was sitting, resting his head in Kaleb’s lap.

Kaleb rolled his eyes, turning to look at me.

“You can bring her in now,” he sighed, resting his head against the back of the couch, “but maybe teach her not to bite.”

“I can’t see her,” I said again, moving to the back door and throwing it open so it hit the wall with a bang.

“Hey,” Kaleb scolded as Lakyn jumped up with fright, his eyes snapping open, “that’s enough. She’ll be out there.”

I shook my head, squinting my eyes as I stumbled out the door, looking around frantically, I couldn’t see her.

I clicked my fingers, no response.

I called her name, no response.

I whistled, no response.

“She’s not here!” I felt panic claw at my insides as I spun around, bolting inside and tripping over a lamp cable. I pushed myself back to my feet as I stumbled down the hall and threw the front door open, tripping out. “Mindy!”

She was there.

Jessup’s car had just backed out of the driveway, and was facing the road.

A coupe meters in front, was Mindy, her muzzle pulled into a snarl, and her body bent down a little, as if she was ready to pounce on the car. I could hear her growls over the sound of Jessup’s car, but I could hear the car engine as it revved up.

He wouldn’t, would he? I know he hated me. But he wouldn’t fall that low, would he?!

“Mindy!” I cried again, stepping forward, but a hand clamped down on my shoulder, halting me.

“Jesse!” Alek snapped, racing past me, “Jesse, what the fuck are you doing?!”

I watched as Alek banged against Jessup’s car window, but nothing happened. Mindy only snarled more, and the car engines only went more crazy.

“No!” I shouted, spinning around and punching whoever was holding me hard in the jaw. Pain shot down my arm, but I ignored it as I felt the hand go limp on my shoulder. I pulled away and raced forward, tears pooling in my eyes as I stumbled up the driveway.

The car shot forward and Alek stumbled backward, landing on his butt on the sidewalk. Mindy didn’t move, she was like a statue as she snarled at the car.

“Mindy! Move!” I screamed, probably waking up half the neighbourhood.

That got Mindy’s attention, and her form relaxed as she turned to look at me, her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth as she gave me a doggy grin.

“Jayke!”

I stumbled in front of the car, not looking at it as I reached out for Mindy, who was wagging her tail at me now, as she stood there.

 _As she stood there_. 

My fingers touched her fur, gripped her fur as I tried to tangle my fingers around her collar and pull her out of line of the car.

Her small metal medallion around her neck, the one with her name in little swirls, and my number, hit my fingers, the cool sensation of it making me relax slightly as I went to tug back.

Hands wrapped around my waist, hauling me backward, right as the car moved in front of me.

I looked down at my hands, Mindy’s collar sat there, her medallion smiling back at me, shining in the moonlight.

“No!” The scream tore form my throat and I watched as neighbours turned their porch lights on and stepped out of their warm homes.

I looked up as Jessup’s car door opened, and he smirked at the form of my mangled dog in front of his car.

“Jessup!” Alek snarled, pushing himself to his feet as she shot across the road, grabbing Jessup shirt collar and throwing him against the side of his car, “I’ll fucking kill you. You watch. I’ll strangle you to fucking death.”

“Jayke,” Lakyn whispered in my ear, but I ignored him, my eyes on Mindy. “Jayke, listen to me--”

I shoved him off me, bolting across the road and dropping in front of Mindy’s limp body.

Her legs were at an odd angle, and there was blood pulsing out of a wound in her stomach, mattering her fur in blood.

“Mindy,” I whispered, touching her bloody side. She whined, but it was barely there.  “Mindy.”

I sobbed, pressing my head to her neck, my tears soaking into her fur, “Mindy, I love you. You’re such a good girl. Best dog ever, really.” I sniffled loudly, wrapping my arms around her neck tightly, “please don’t die. Please, Mindy.”

The wind brushed against my hair, comforting me.

“Wind,” I breathed out, still clinging to Mindy for dear life, “carry her soul up to doggy heaven. Make sure she gets there properly and safely.”

The wind brushed around my hair, digging itself into Mindy’s fur, as if pulling her soul from deep inside her.

“I love you, girl. I really do.”

She whined gently, her head moved down to rest on the road. My boxer-briefs and shirt were soaked in her blood now, and I felt more tears push themselves out my eyes.

“You’re such a good girl.” I whispered, feeling the wind move around, before lifting up into the air. I looked up as it disappeared into the cloudless night sky, “I’m gonna miss you.”

“You fucker,” Alek hissed, “what is wrong with you?!”

“She bit me,” I heard Jessup snap back, and something inside me also snapped. I pushed myself to my feet, spinning around and storming up to them.

I shoved Alek out of the way, making him fall to the ground in shock, and stare up at me, and I took his place, grabbing Jessup’s collar and pulling his head down to mine. Something flickered in his eyes, but only for a moment before his face turned stoic with a glare again.

“You should be scared,” I spat, digging my nails into his throat, “all my life, I’ve put up with you bullying me. I don’t know what I did, but I put up with it. I’ve never done  _anything_  to you.  _Never_. And you have the fucking balls to run over my dog. My  _only_  friend. I never stole Alek away from you. I never told him what you were doing. Sure, I thought he wouldn’t care, but I still could’ve told him. I could’ve given you out. But I didn’t.”

I breathed in raggedly, digging my nails into his neck further, making him choke and look at me, his glare gone. Replaced with something else.

“I could kill you,” I breathed, glaring hatefully, “I could kill you, right here, right now.”

“Jayke,” someone’s hands covered mine, and warm breathe covered my neck as they pressed their palms to the back of my hands, “shh, it’s okay, let him go.”

I shook my head, keeping a sob at bay as I pushed my body forward, kneeing Jessup in the nuts. He gasped, trying to bend over, but I didn’t let him, as I brought my head forward, cracking our skulls together.

“Next time you come within a twenty meter radius of me, I’m calling the cops.” I hissed, finally letting go. 

I elbowed the person behind me, off me, and walked over to Mindy, kneeling down and pushing my arms under her limp body.

“You did good,” I whispered, picking her up and turning around, moving down to our front door.

I kicked the door open, and stumbled down to my room, where I let Mindy down on my bed, kissing her fur as I covered her with her blanket, and put her toys around her.

I turned back to my door, and pushed my cupboard in front of it. I then moved over to my bed and sat in front of it. Reaching up and feeling Mindy’s paw.

 “I’m so proud of you. You've saved me, in so many ways. And I've saved you once. When I found you, on that street, all those years ago. Look how you've grown."

Tears streaked my cheeks, as I sobbed, "I'm so sorry."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Jayke -**

I must have fallen asleep, because I didn't wake up until the sun was shimmering through the window, smacking me right in the eyes.   
  
I groaned, my fingers twitching and grabbing hold of something furry and sticky.   
  
Well, I got the furry bit, but the sticky bit?   
  
"Mindy?" I croaked, blinking as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. I blinked at the view in front of me, trying to comprehend it as my mind woke up from its drowsiness. "Mindy, why are you sleeping, girl? We're burning sunlight."   
  
I grimaced a little at my choice of words and squinted outside, rolling my shoulders as I stretched. I felt... Weird... Different? In a... In a good way...   
  
Almost like, like I could do anything.   
  
I blinked again and huffed slightly, moving my hand across the bed to wake Mindy from her lazy slumber, but my hands stopped as they slid into a pool of sticky dark stuff.   
  
W-what?   
  
"Mindy?" I whispered, fully waking up this time as I sat up, sliding my hand through the sticky stuff to grab a handful of her fur, "Mindy?"   
  
No answer.   
  
Not even a twitch of her ear to tell me she heard me, but was shunning me.   
  
Nothing.   
  
A soft knock on my door jolted me slightly, and that seemed to get my brain to work, quickly replaying all of last nights events - or early this morning.   
  
The way Jessup had done that. With no remorse, no slight hesitation. Nothing, but spotting his innocent target, and roaring toward it. I had been ready to kill him. I remember swearing at him too, and hell, he deserved my first swear word.   
  
He deserved more.   
  
I would get his large and pulping head between my smaller hands, and I would squish it like a watermelon. Although, I might need my brothers help... If they'd be willing..   
  
I could already imagine the look on his face though, as I slowly squeezed the life and brain juices out of his head-   
  
"Jayke, are you awake?"   
  
I glanced over my shoulder guiltily - not sure why I was feeling guilty, though.   
  
Lakyn was standing at the door, his hair ruffled angrily as he looked at me with soft brown eyes.   
  
"Lake-" My voice cut off and I turned away, looking at Mindy while slowly pushing myself to my feet. "Can we bury her?"   
  
He didn't say anything for a moment, and I half expected it to stay that way, but then he cleared his throat, and I felt his larger hand on my shoulder as he massaged it gently.   
  
"I don't see why not."   
  
I sighed, relaxing my shoulders and slowly, hesitantly, dropping my head onto his shoulder as he stood behind me. We stayed like that for a moment, not really doing much else as I stared at Mindy.   
  
But I was all I cried out, and I know that Mindy would understand. She knew me best, after all.   
  
I finally shuffled away from Lakyn, and I leaned forward, pressing my hands into her fur.   
  
I probably could have saved her, had I taken her to a vet, but... Like I said, Mindy understood me best, and she would've known that I wouldn't put her through that. When it's our time to die, it's our time.   
  
God knows what's right and wrong. He would've made it her time for a reason, one I might never know, but I trusted.   
  
"Come on," Lakyn's hand slid into my free one gently, pulling me ever so softly, "Alek's cooking, and I don't want him to burn the house down."   
  
He tugged on my hand again, and I reluctantly let my fingers drift from her fur as I followed my immediate older brother out of the my room. As I let him pull me down the hallway, I allowed my mind to wonder aimlessly.   
  
First dad. He goes off to be a soldier, and doesn't bother calling again. Then mum, for something I already felt shameful about. My gaze ever so quickly flickered across my arm, which was covered by the material of my shirt, but I still knew what had shaped under there, and my brothers knew. And now my mum knew. And she left me for it.   
  
And now Mindy.   
  
"Did you kill him?"   
  
I didn't even realise the words left my mouth as Lakyn pulled me into the kitchen, where Kaleb was sitting at the table, reading a paper, and Alek was cooking and poking at something that smelt like burnt porridge.   
  
When Kaleb saw me, he quickly stood up, dropping the newspaper as he rushed over and wrapped his arms around my shoulders tightly, it was a very un-like-Kaleb move. My eldest brother did not just simply show affection.   
  
"Did you kill him?" I asked again, dropping Lakyn's hand as I looked up at Kaleb, just wanting him, and Alek and Lakyn to take me to one of their rooms, and do those magnificent things they had done just the other night, taking away all my pain and replacing it with pleasure. Good stuff.   
  
"Who? Jessup?" Kaleb glanced over at Alek, who had passed the cooking over to Lakyn, who scowled and swore at him as he dumped the food that had originally been cooking.   
  
"We didn't kill him," Alek grumbled, moving over to stand next to me. He leant down and pecked my head gently, before moving to sit down. "But one of the neighbours called the cops, and they took him away." Alek shrugged nonchalantly, "apparently purposely running over a dog, is an offence. He's being fined some mighty high cash."   
  
"They should lock him up," I grumbled, moving as Kaleb lead me to one of the vacant chairs, where he pushed me down. "So he can't hurt anyone anymore."   
  
Alek scoffed at that, while Kaleb moved himself to sit in front of me.   
  
"Talking about hurting people," he looked at me sternly. "Why did you never tell us that he was bullying you?"   
  
I pulled my lower lip into my mouth, biting down on it gently as I looked over at Lakyn, who had a new pot and was stirring something around gently.   
  
I shrugged, "I didn't think you'd care."   
  
Alek huffed, rubbing his face with his hands as he looked me over.   
  
"I get it, I get it, we've been shit brothers. How can we make it up to you?"   
  
"Can I smoke?"   
  
Lakyn stopped stirring as he whipped his head over his shoulder to look at me, while Kaleb's eyebrow shot up and Alek coughed, snorted and then looked up, as if horrified.   
  
"No!" All three of them snapped at the same time, and I wanted to remind Lakyn that he had started when he was younger than me, but something made me stop, and I looked at my hands instead.   
  
"Then... Then bring mum back. Let me apologise for cuttin-"   
  
I was cut off by Lakyn choking as he turned to me, his eyes wide.   
  
"You think she left cause you were cutting and shit?!" He exclaimed loudly - louder than he probably had too. "Jayke, it wasn't your fault-!"   
  
"It doesn't matter whose fault it was," Alek cut in quickly, sending Kaleb a slightly panicked look, "the fact is, Jay, she has no right to call herself our mother, if she's going to up and leave over something small and ridiculous."   
  
I was going to object, and I had a response on the tip of my tongue, but a look from Kaleb made me bite my tongue instead.   
  
"Can we burry Mindy?" I asked instead, repeating the question I had asked Lakyn. Kaleb looked a little taken aback by the sudden change of subject, but he nodded anyway.   
  
"I can go down to the hardware store if you want, pick up some stuff."   
  
I nodded quickly, fidgeting with my hands in my lap, "I want it to be proper. She deserves it."   
  
A somewhat silence fell across us as Lakyn moved over and served us big blobs of porridge. I looked at the grainy stuff, not at all interested in it. Despite my stomach growling in protest, I couldn't find it in myself to push a spoonful into my mouth.   
  
I was about to push it away, but Lakyn stooped next to me, pressing his lips to my ear gently.   
  
"You can do it," he murmured, kissing my ear and making a shiver shoot up my spine, "just a mouthful at a time."   
  
He stood back up and went to the sink, dumping the pot inside, then moving over to sit next to Alek.   
  
I nibbled my lower lip, looking at the bowl of goop, before slowly giving in and taking a small mouthful, pushing the spoon all the way into my mouth.   
  
One mouthful was all it took, and my bowl was cleaned of everything within six minutes.   
  
As I pushed my bowl up onto the table, Kaleb looked at it, before sending me one of his genuine smiles. A smile full of pride and love.   
  
I sucked on my lower lip, before shooting a hesitant grin back. He looked back down at his bowl, and I glanced at the kitchen door briefly.   
  
"Can I go to my room?" I murmured, turning back to my brothers.   
  
Kaleb reached for my bowl, standing up and moving to the sink with his own as well. When he turned to look at me, he gave a quick and short nod.   
  
"I'll go to the hardware store now, so why don't you bathe her?"   
  
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought about actually burying Mindy, but I nodded anyway, standing up and quickly moving down the hall toward my room.   
  
Even though life couldn't be crapper at the moment, I felt an odd sense of happiness boil inside my stomach. Confidence, maybe?   
  
I don't know, but it was something I hadn't felt in a long time.   
  
And I liked it. It filled up the holes my father had left, cured the wound my mother had made, and allowed me to see that, sure, Mindy was gone, but she was somewhere better. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Jayke -**

"Mindy was a great dog." I murmured, clutching my hands together tightly in front of me, "she was beautiful, and strong, and just so understanding."   
  
I felt a hand move across my back, and loop over my shoulder before pulling me into the side of someone. I didn't object to it, only looped my arm around their waist and snuggled closer.   
  
"She wave brave. And no one could ever, or will ever, replace her."   
  
I let my voice trail off for a moment, as I looked down at the 6 foot hole, that had a small box on the bottom, with 'MINDY' scrawled on top.   
  
"Come on," Kaleb murmured from somewhere, but I shook my head quickly, stopping my brothers from moving anywhere.   
  
"You guys need to say something, too."   
  
I felt the arm around me tense up slightly, but I wasn't going to let them get away without saying anything.   
  
"Go on," I urged, pulling away from the hold and looking up Lakyn pointedly.   
  
"Uh," Lakyn bit his lip as he looked down at the grave, "okay, well, I guess, Mindy was a great support. She always just knew when someone was feeling down, and, uh, yeah, she was a great companion and dog."   
  
I smiled up at him, wrapping my arms around him tightly and tucking my head under his chin as I sent a look at Alek, who was slouching against a tree.   
  
He coughed as he caught my gaze, and the stood up straight, moving over to the grave sight.   
  
"Well, I didn't really rehearse anything, but, Mindy was special. Whenever Jayke had no human company, Mindy would always be there. She was strong willed, and always listened. She was... Uh... She was good. Yeah."   
  
"Kale-" I was cut off by a pair of warm and slightly chapped lips pressing against mine.   
  
I blinked in surprise as Kaleb pulled away and looked over his shoulder at the hole.   
  
"I remember the night I found Mindy on the street. She was in a cardboard box, abandoned and alone. And her young, and poor outlook, reminded me of Jayke as a baby, and a toddler. Never really fitting in, and needing someone to be there and look after him."   
  
I blushed a little at that. I had been ten when Kaleb brought Mindy home, and Kaleb had just had his first day of work at the restaurant a couple blocks away. "I brought her home, and Alek and Lakyn both turned up their noses. They didn't want a dog. But Jayke was ecstatic. Even said we should call her Mocha, but that idea was quickly turned down by dad."   
  
I blinked at the mention of dad, I barely remembered him being around when I was ten, but maybe it was a holiday or something.   
  
"So we called her Mindy instead."   
  
I felt the lips fall back on to mine, and I gasped as Kaleb's tongue pushed into my mouth, and went over my tongue, beckoning it to join the dance.   
  
He pulled back again, kissing my forehead, "and she brought a whole new level of lightness to our world. And even though she's gone now, our brother, Jayke, will still shine with a light, and a strong one, at that."   
  
I nibbled my lower lip as a blush rose on my cheeks, but I pushed it back down and cleared my throat as I looked down at the deep hole.   
  
"I love you," I finally sighed, after looking at the box for awhile.   
  
"Come on," Lakyn wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me around so we could move inside, while Alek and Kaleb started filling the hole. I glanced over my shoulder, watching as my best friend was slowly buried underground, and I felt a tear slip from my eyes, but that was all.   
  
Lakyn sighed, pulling me inside and through the house to the kitchen, where he pushed me down into a chair.   
  
"Do you want something to eat?"   
  
I shook my head as I rested my elbows on the table, and my chin in the palm of my hands. It felt so weird, not having Mindy here to snuggle up to, and to tell everything too.   
  
I sighed, letting my eyes fall shut. It was different.   
  
Mindy had been my everything, if I didn't feel so bad about the thought of suicide, Mindy would've been the only other thing keeping me alive. She was always there for me, always there to lick away the tears and offer comfort that my brothers couldn't do. She was my sunshine at night, and my moonlight when I was scared. Her fur was always there for me to grip, and she never whined or got upset, she just let me go, because she knew that it was better to grab her soft fur, then something sharp that could harm me.   
  
So she made herself be there.   
  
I blinked as a tall glass of orange juice was set down in front of me, along with a plate of a couple wedges of oranges. I screwed my nose up at the sour smell and pulled back a little as I glanced up at Lakyn.   
  
"Oranges are supposed to help widen the appetite," he murmured, bringing a hand up and ruffling my hair, "just try it, please."   
  
I blinked at the politeness. My brothers were slowly becoming more polite with their gestures and words, and I know it must have been hard, because they were basically changing everything they used to be.   
  
I found myself nodding as I reached for the glass, and slowly brought it to my lips, where I allowed the coolness of it to seep down my dry throat.   
  
"Thank you," he sighed, moving back to the bench where he was cutting up cauliflower and potatoe.   
  
"Do you think Mindy's happy?" My voice carried out across the room, and I watched as Lakyn put the knife down, but didn't turn to me.   
  
He stood there for a couple minutes, as if debating his reply, before he turned around and fixed me with a gentle but firm stare.   
  
"She's in a better place," he agreed, "but, I think she misses you. I bet you, she's looking down and thinking about you, and how she can help you, even if she is far away."   
  
I felt the corner of my lips twitch a little as I smiled at his words.   
  
I didn't realise it much before, but those were the words I wanted to hear.   
  
I picked up one of the orange wedges and pushed it into my mouth, biting down on it and letting the sour taste burst inside me. I sighed in content as I finally pulled it out, because it was to large and uncomfortable in my mouth.   
  
"I'm proud of you, Jay," Lakyn whispered over his shoulder as be went back to chopping. "You've gone through a lot of shit, but you're still strong. Hell, you're probably stronger than me, and maybe even Alek."   
  
Happiness bubbled inside me at his words, and I found myself picking up another slice of orange and pushing it into my mouth.   
  
"What about Kaleb?" I questioned as I pulled the orange skin away and took a large gulp of orange juice.   
  
Lakyn shot me a grin over his shoulder, "I think it'll take a lot from all of us to get up to Kaleb's shit policy."   
  
A grin pushed against my mouth, hurting my cheeks, but I let it.   
  
I hadn't felt this good in a long time. It was rare that Lakyn, or any of my brothers, actually spoke to me like this, so I was going to treasure it for as long as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tribute to Mindy for being a beautiful and loyal doggo.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Alek -**

"Did you plan on eating that?"  

My head snapped up quickly, from where I had originally been stirring, but not eating, my cauliflower soup. 

Jayke stared back at me, with two brown orbs that reminded me so much of my own. 

"You want it?" I think the surprise must have shown in my voice, because Jayke blushed and sat back in his chair, while stirring his spoon around in his bowl - which was surprisingly empty. 

"No..." He lied awkwardly, his fingers twitching as he stared at the bowl and spoon he was grasping. 

I rolled my eyes and pushed the plate over to him, watching as his eyes lit up slightly. My stomach growled in protest, but I just stood up and moved to where Lakyn was still cooking. As far as I know, the soup had been a started, and Lakyn had a full on treat rolled out for us. 

"What's next?" I asked, poking my head over his shoulder as I pressed my face to his neck, biting him harshly while wrapping my arms around his waist tightly.  

Lakyn yelped a little, but caught himself and just elbowed me off him as he moved over to the oven, where he pulled some meat thing out. 

"Go get Kaleb." He instructed, completely ignoring my question as he moved the meat thing over to the bench, where bowls of vegetables and a glass bottle of gravy sat. He grabbed a basket of bread rolls and butter, and moved it over to the table, where Jayke was finishing up my bowl with a noisy slurp. 

Lakyn turned around when he spotted two bowls sitting in front of Jayke, and rose an eyebrow at me, making me shrug in reply.  

"You did good," Lakyn murmured to Jayke after rolling his eyes at me. He grabbed the bowls and ruffled Jayke on the head, and moved to dump the dirty dishes in the sink, before turning back and glowering at me. 

"Didn't I ask you to go and get Kaleb?" 

I scowled, "I'm going, I'm going. Chillax." 

I moved past Jayke, who was now drinking orange juice from a glass. I wandered through the hall and into the lounge room, and then through to the laundry, where Kaleb was curing up a storm as he punched the washing machine. 

"Don't hurt it." I drawled out as I leaned against the wall, watching him carefully. 

He glanced over his shoulder after pelting it rather roughly, and scowled lightly, "it won't turn on." 

"And beating the shit out of it is going to make it faster?" I raised my eyebrow at him and he just rolled his eyes, turning back and giving it one last shove. "Lakyn's finished done, he wants you to come in now." 

Kaleb sighed, running a hand over his face as he stared at the washing machine tiredly. Tired didn't fit into Kaleb's Agenda, so it was obvious something was wrong. 

"Kaleb," I moved forward and closed the laundry door, forcing me and Kaleb into the small laundry. "What's wrong? You were fine just a moment ago." 

He sighed, shaking his head. I reached up, touching his shoulder gently, but he whipped around, slapping my hand away with a lot of force.  

If I was Jayke, or maybe even Lakyn, I would probably get the hint and leave him alone. But I wasn't like them. I fought back. 

"Don't fucking slap me," I snapped, shoving him in the chest and making him stumble against the washing machine. I rolled my shoulders as he caught himself and breathed hard. "Tell me what the fuck is wrong, because Lakyn's just cooked something great, and Jayke asked for my soup, so I'm not letting you fuck up this moment, like I always did. Now spit it out, and talk to me. For fuck-sake." 

Kaleb glared at me, but I could see the gears in his head turning quickly.  

"It's broken." He finally snapped, punching the washing machine again. 

"So buy a new on-" he cut me off with an angry growl. 

"Alek, I just used my pay check to buy the stuff for Mindy's funeral. You haven't been able to get a shift at the supermarket lately, and Lakyn can't land a job." He growled, pulling a hand through his hair quickly. "Mums not here, and if she gets a hold of dad, we can forget about his pay check coming through for us. I need to pay for you and Jayke to still attend school, I need to pay the bills for the house, and the music shop is closing down, that leaves me with two jobs, instead of three, and mum isn't here to support us either. I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do." With the last three words, he punched the washing machine. 

My teeth bit into my lower lip as I thought about his words. He had a point. We couldn't last like this. Dad got a lot of money from the army, that he always sent in, and of we weren't getting that anymore, we were royally fucked. 

"Kaleb, can you just come out and eat with us. We'll talk about this with Lakyn later." 

Kaleb growled as he punched the washing machine once more. I let my eyes slide shut as I squished past him so I could get between him and the washing machine. 

"Kaleb, you need to take a deep breath and calm your shit, okay?" 

He took a deep breath, but it ended with him grabbing my waist and hoisting me up onto the washing machine.  

I grunted as he shoved my shirt up and pushed his face to my abdomen, which he started licking and chewing at instantly. 

"Kaleb," I grounded out, pushing at his head as my knees came up on either side of him, trying to get away from him. "Get off me." 

His hands came up and grabbed my thighs, spreading them into an uncomfortable and strained position, while he pressed his face to my crotch now, breathing in deeply and then biting at it through the fabric. 

"Kaleb," I snapped again, although it was weaker. His hands slid around, cupping my backside as he tried to tear down my pants, and I grounded my teeth into my lower lip as he pulled my pants down to my ankles. He reached into my boxers, his hands still behind me, and I felt a groan push its way up from the back of my throat. 

However, when his finger went to push into my backside, I drew the line nice and clear. 

I pulled my fist back and punched him square in the jaw, watching as he became slightly dazed and stumbled backward, hitting the door. I scowled, tearing my pants up and glaring at him as I jumped down. 

"I don't play that role anymore," I snapped, "especially now that Jayke's with us." 

"I think you're forgetting who the bigger brother is," he sneered, wiping his mouth as he glowered at me. 

"Grow the fuck up." I snapped, shoving him in the chest again, "if you're so keen to let me know who the bigger brother is, then act like it. Suck it up, and march out there to our little brothers, and eat with us. You're stronger than this, Kaleb, we've pulled through worse shit than this in our life. We all need to lean and support each other, you get it? This is hard on everybody. We've been lying to Jayke about why mum left, maybe we should tell him that first, before we decided to take this anywhere else. At least then, Jayke can decide if he wants to stay with mum, where he will be safe from eviction and all that other shit." 

I breathe in deeply, feeling my cheeks heat up from the hot air that was forming in here.  

"Now man up." 

Kaleb looked a little shell shocked, and I knew the feeling. I had gotten pissed before, but it was rarely at Kaleb. He was the only brother I could look up to, so I made it a habit to treat him with respect.  

"What on earth is going on in here?" I blinked as the laundry door was opened, and all the steamy air that was in here, rushed out and was replaced with cool fresh air. Lakyn was standing at the door, a hand resting on his hip as he glared at us both. "Alek, when I say get Kaleb, I mean bring him back to the fucking kitchen. Not stand here and do whatever." 

I watched as he pulled a cigarette and lighter from his back pocket, but Kaleb snatched it from him quickly. 

"You can't smoke anymore." 

Lakyn scowled in confusion, as he reached for his lighter, but Kaleb tucked it in his back pocket while crushing the cigarette.  

"It costs to much."  

Lakyn continued to scowl, but turned around and stomped back through the lounge, and down the hall to the kitchen. 

"You need to be nicer to him," I pushed past Kaleb angrily, stumbling into the lounge room. 

"Lakyn's used to it," Kaleb grumbled, slamming the laundry door shut as he followed me through the lounge room, and through to the kitchen. 

Upon entering, Jayke was sitting where I had left him, with a plate of meat and vegetables, with gravy poured over the top. He had a smaller plate next to him, with a bread roll on it, and butter smeared across it. 

Lakyn was standing at the bench, putting together another plate. 

He turned around, and at seeing us, rolled his eyes, moving to sit next to Jayke. 

"Foods on the bench," he huffed, sliding a knife and fork over to Jayke who blinked at the knife, but looked away and picked up the fork instead, stabbing his carrot. "I trust you can fix yourselves a plate, right?" 

Kaleb ignored his scowl, and just stepped across the kitchen to where the food was, I followed him quickly, catching his arm as he grabbed a scoop of peas and basically threw them down onto his plate. 

"Kay," I murmured, glancing over my shoulder as Jayke looked up at us, "I know you're stressed, okay? But dude, honestly, don't bring anything up." 

Kaleb turned to me, his eyes fiery, but I watched as his gaze flickered over my shoulder, probably looking at Jayke, and his eyes turned soft. 

"Fine, fine," he sighed, finishing his plate and moving to the table where he sat down next to Lakyn and opposite Jayke. 

I shut my eyes, moving to fill my plate.  

This was unbelievable.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Jayke -**

Kaleb was pissed. 

I knew it. He's been grumpy and pissy ever since Mindy's funeral, and I knew it was my fault. Somehow. 

I knew this happiness that seemed to swell in my heart whenever my brothers looked at me, would gradually turn back to the fear that used to consume me.  

I'd been raised with it. It was like a second language to me. 

"Don't worry about it," Alek grunted as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing my teeth and getting myself ready for bed. "It's not you." 

"But it is," I insisted, leaning over the sink to spit the mint tasting paste out of my mouth. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry." 

Alek raised an eyebrow at me as he stepped out of the shower, pushing the curtain open and grabbing his towel from the rack, pulling it to wrap around his waist tightly. 

He raised an eyebrow at me as he stepped out of the shower, shaking his head like a wet dog and spraying me with water. 

A whine pushed its way from my mouth, and I wiped my mouth as I dumped my toothbrush into the plastic container next to the sink. 

"Say that again," Alek grabbed Lakyn's towel and wrapped it around his head, while catching my eye in the mirror. 

"I'm sorry?" I turned around, nibbling on my lower lip as Alek snickered, blowing a kiss at me. 

"You're not sorry, you little shit," he grinned though, and despite his words, I didn't feel threatened. "Say it again." 

"I'm sorry," I blinked in confusion, and then turned to the door as Lakyn moved into the bathroom, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He glanced at me, them turned to Alek, looking at him for a moment, before turning away. 

"I'm star-gazing tonight." He murmured over his shoulder, and them disappeared. 

Alek blinked at the spot Lakyn had once stood in, and then hissed something under his breath. 

"Come on," he grabbed my arm, jerking me out of the bathroom. 

"What are you-?" I was cut off by Kaleb moving out of the kitchen, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his hands soapy. He took one look at Alek, then looked away, glaring at midair, 

"I know." His voice came out strained and stressed, and I thought Alek might put the voice on. The one he reserved for Kaleb. The one that held a pinch of respect. 

"Then fix it." He snarled instead, dropping my arm quickly and taking a threatening step toward Kaleb, who just raised his eyebrows in mockery. 

"What's going on?" I found my voice coming out hoarse and small. I felt like they were hiding stuff from me again. 

"Nothing." They both snapped at the same time. 

"That's not true-!" I went to defend myself, but Kaleb shot me a furious scowl, making me step back quickly. My back collided with the hall wall behind me, and that seemed to shoot something through my spine. 

"Go to your room," Kaleb finally stressed out, but I shook my head defiantly. 

"You can't tell me what to do."  

"Excuse me?" Kaleb turned to me fully, and a small bubble of panic blew up at the pit of my stomach, but I shoved it down as I stood up straight, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"You can't tell me what to do." I repeated, "not until you tell me what's going on. I have a right to know." 

"No." Alek surprised me as he looked at me over his shoulder, "Jayke, you're fifteen, to young to be dealing with this. Leave it to the adults." 

"Then why does Lakyn know?!" My voice came out louder than I wanted it too, but I didn't bother with correcting myself, "he's not a fucking adult yet!" 

Kaleb stared at me for the longest moment, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. The thought amused me to much for my own good, and I knew that, but didn't care. For once in my life I was tired of giving a damn. 

"You told Lakyn?" Kaleb finally hissed, turning to Alek angrily, before glancing at me, still obviously furious, "and I never want to hear you say fuck again." 

"Well shit," I spat, partly glad to be pissing Kaleb and Alek off.  

"I didn't say anything to Lakyn!" Alek ignored my profanity as he exploded back at Kaleb. 

"Say what, to Lakyn?"  

I pushed my lips together as I glanced at Lakyn who was emerging from his bedroom slowly, a pillow tucked under his arm. 

"It's none of your business," Kaleb reached forward, grabbing the cigarette that was still hanging from Lakyn's mouth, but Lakyn's own hand shot up and gripped Kaleb's wrist. 

"If you keeping taking my cigarettes from me," Lakyn started threatening as he pushed Kaleb's hand away from his mouth, "then I'll make it my business." 

Kaleb didn't allow Lakyn to push his hand away completely, and without warning, it came out and whipped past Lakyn's face, pulling the cigarette from between his lips quickly and then tossing it to the floor where he stomped on it. 

"Family meeting." Kaleb moved out of the kitchen doorway, "now." 

I looked at Alek and Lakyn, unsure of what exactly I was supposed to do. I'd never been a part of family meetings. I didn't even know if this one would involve me, 

Thinking of the latter, I brushed past Alek and started heading toward my room. I guess I could get rid of Mindy's stuff while they spoke. I didn't need to be reminded about what had happened to her every time I walked into my room. 

Maybe I could give it a makeover at the same time, freshen it up and get rid of the dark colours. 

"You're a part of this, Jakob." 

I stiffened at the full name.  

The only person who even used the name on my birth certificate was my father. I'd been Jayke since I could remember, 

"Get in here, we have so much shit to go over." Kaleb gestured for everyone to move into the kitchen, and after watching Lakyn head in stiffly, I found myself following his lead. 

I lowered myself down into the chair I had marked as mine for the last few days, and watched as the rest of my brothers found their own spots. 

"Okay," Kaleb muttered, grabbing a pen and paper from the kitchen bench, and them moving to sit opposite me. "Give me a list of problems we need to address." 

No one spoke for a moment, and I began to wonder why we were even here, doing this, when Alek spoke rigidly. 

"Finances." 

Kaleb scowled at the paper as the word left Alek's mouth, and Lakyn's eyes widened in confusion. 

One by one, Alek and Lakyn listed off problems. Not many major ones, and Kaleb only scrawled down the important ones. To him, of course. 

It grew to a point where no one spoke anymore, and I glanced at my hands awkwardly as the silence around us grew tense. 

"Jayke, do you have anything?"  

I pulled my lower lip into my mouth as I played with my fingers. 

There were a few problem that had been distressing me lately.  

And not many of them were Mindy.  

Mostly my dad, and why he didn't love me or treat me like a proper son. 

But, there was one problem that really made me tense and want to tear up all over again. 

"Jayke?" Lakyn pushed gently, reaching out to grab my arm and run his thumb over my forearm gently.  

I felt my insides clog up, and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. 

The pressure was slowly building up inside me. I could feel it. 

The swear words that I had never released. The memories and thoughts I would keep from my brothers. 

Although, I was glad we had the... Incest... Thing.... Taken care of, I didn't fully understand how it worked. 

We'd only done one thing basically.  

We had sex. 

But... Was that all it was to my brothers? The physical stuff? 

Because I wanted more.  

I know we didn't exactly have time lately, to talk about it, but it still confused me greatly. I was feeling slightly stupid. 

I sighed, looking up at my brothers firmly. The only problem I really had, was mum. It wasn't fair that she left my brothers because of my own stupidness. I wanted to talk to her, make her see that I had changed.  

I wasn't like that anymore. 

At least not completely.  

I looked at Lakyn's hand on my arm, then trailed my gaze up his arm, to his muscular biceps, to his neck, up to his lushest lips and all the way to his eyes. 

I then looked at Kaleb, working up the courage quickly, and blurting it out quickly. 

"I want to talk to mum."

 


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Jayke -**

I watched as something registered across Alek's face, and Lakyn shot Kaleb an absolutely horrible glare, that sent shivers down my spine.   
  
"He wants to speak to mum," Lakyn snapped out, still glaring at Kaleb.   
  
Alek coughed and glanced at Lakyn briefly out the corner of his eye, and Lakyn didn't hesitate in snapping his head toward Alek, giving off the same glare.   
  
Kaleb stared down at me, his blue eyes icy and cold as they swam with mine.   
  
"Mums not available." Was all he said, tilting his head back down to the paper in front of him. "Okay, finances."   
  
I ignored his words though, and just kept my gaze on him. Mum wasn't available? That was bull. I would understand if he told me that mum didn't want to talk to me, but no, instead he said she wasn't available.   
  
Something about his didn't seem right.   
  
"Then I will make her available," I didn't even know the words had escaped my mouth, until I was standing up and reaching for the phone hanging on the wall.   
  
"Jayke, don't you dare!" I heard someone's rough voice as a chair scraped backward, but I ducked out of the kitchen and hurried to the bathroom.   
  
I felt like adrenaline was pumping through me, making me act this stupidly. And although I knew I would get into a crap-load of trouble later, I couldn't bring myself care.   
  
The rush that was going through me, seeping into my bones and fuelling my legs to race faster to the pristine bathroom, reminded me of when I was little. It filled me with a child-like fantasy of being happy and running away from my big brothers, who were laughing and trying to catch me.   
  
All the while, I toddled off on my small chubby legs, giggling and trying to run as fast as I could. Of course, I was, in no way, faster than my brothers at that young age, but they purposely ran slowly with big thundering steps to scare the living day lights out of me, and would let me continue running away. Allowing me to imagine that I was faster than them.   
  
Now, however, it wasn't a game. And they weren't playfully trying to stop me. They were shouting at me. Swearing at me to get back to the kitchen.   
  
But my legs were carrying me way to quickly for me to even bother with making them slow down.   
  
I had reached the bathroom, and slammed and locked the door, only a mere second before their fists were vibrating through the room, and although part of me should've been scared shitless, I was to caught up in the adrenaline pumping through me as I quickly dialled the number I had been forced to learn by heart, and pushed the phone to my ear, trying to ignore the shouts outside the door.   
  
It was funny, in a non-funny way. I had just managed to push myself into my brothers group, hell, we'd done the naughty just a few days ago, and yet, here I was, about to betray and lose all of that, for the sake of someone who slapped me and abandoned me.   
  
I felt my insides contract nervously as I listened to the sound of the phone ringing.   
  
This was it.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
And just like that, everything came crashing down.   
  
My fingers froze around the phone as the person spoke again, their voice sounding rougher and angrier then it did the last time I spoke to them.   
  
"Hello?" They snapped again, and I felt my shoulders shake violently as I tried to pull air into my lungs. "I swear to god, if this is some stupid prank call-"   
  
"Dad." I know my voice shook, and I hated myself for that, but I could already feel my body freezing over.   
  
I didn't want to talk to my father. Why was he answering? Wasn't he in the army?   
  
Maybe... No. Not maybe. Mum had already told him about my cuts. My hideous scars.   
  
"Jayke?"   
  
My body shivered violently as someone kicked their foot against the door. My brothers still yelling at me.   
  
"I'm... I'm sorry." I whispered, suddenly not feeling like the cheeky and devious little brother any more.   
  
I felt sick.   
  
Crap, I knew I shouldn't have eaten dinner.   
  
Why did I eat in the first place?   
  
Because you were filling better!   
  
Yeah, well. I didn't anymore.   
  
"Jakob, stop."   
  
My arms locked in place and my shoulders seemed to press back, to make my back and spinal cord straighter.   
  
"Yessir," I gushed, my hands trembling.   
  
"I have spoken to your mother. Is she telling me the truth?"   
  
Why was he asking me!? He should hate me! He should want to burn me on a stake.   
  
"Y-yes," my voice wobbled slightly, but I fought to compose it. "But, I stopped."   
  
"How did you manage that?" His voice was steely, and part of me was glad to sense anger in it. I thought he had changed, because he was being kind to me, of all people. But now I could hear his old-self coming back.myself not too. Nothing would get better if I kept it up."   
  
"What about your brothers? Where is Kaleb?"   
  
I shook my head i confusion. This was the one part I never understood. My brothers weren't like me.   
  
"They don't do it. It was just me."   
  
"Are you calling your mother a liar?" It came so fast and quickly, that I nearly dropped the phone. I came back to what was happening around me, and was vaguely aware of my brothers talking about a key as the door knob jiggled.   
  
"What? No! I swear, they never did it!"   
  
"Your mother told me she saw them making out in the hallway." His voice cut through my ear so quickly I almost didn't hear it. "Now, are you telling me that never happened?"   
  
I was even more confused now.   
  
Making out? What did he mean!?   
  
"Aren't we-" I licked my dry lips quickly, "aren't we talking about my... My, uh, self-harm?" My voice came out as a whisper in the end, because despite everyone knowing about it, I still felt horrible.   
  
"Your what?!" My father snarled into my ear so viciously that I did drop the phone. It made a huge cracking noise, and I flinched away from it, before realising what I had done.   
  
I stooped down quickly, grabbing the phone and pressing it to my ear again.   
  
"Dad?"   
  
"Your what?" His voice sounded softer, almost drained. "What did you just say?"   
  
Confusion bubbled within me. Why did he sound so shocked? This was the whole reason mum left us.   
  
I gasped as the door flew open, and Kaleb snatched the phone from me, pressing it to his ear.   
  
"Hello?" He snapped angrily. Alek smacked me over the back of the head, making Lakyn glare at him, while wrapping an arm around my shoulders.   
  
"Are you okay?" He whispered, pressing a kiss to my ear gently, but I pulled away quickly, casting him an awkward look.   
  
"Dad said something..." I murmured, "that didn't sound quite right..."   
  
"You spoke to dad?" Alek hissed, his brown eyes narrowing slightly, before he snapped his head up to Kaleb, who was murmuring something into the phone, with a pained expression on his face.   
  
A minute later, he was hanging up and setting the phone down on the bench next to the sink.   
  
"Kaleb?" Lakyn whispered, moving to rest his hand on my eldest brothers shoulder, but Kaleb spun around quickly, effectively knocking Lakyn's hand away.   
  
He stepped over to me quickly, and I was fully expecting the worst.   
  
I was a little surprised when Kaleb's ropey arms wrapped around me tightly, effectively pulling me into his hard chest.   
  
I pulled my arms around him, reaching up to grip his shirt tightly as he leaned down, wrapping his arms around my legs and standing up.   
  
I chocked on a surprised sound as my legs wrapped around his waist, and his arms slid up to wrap around my back.   
  
"Listen, Jayke." He sighed, "I know you love us. I know you want to do some pretty amazing and dirty things with us. I also know we haven't had the time lately, with all this drama around us."   
  
I cocked my head against his neck as I glanced at Lakyn and Alek, who were staring at Kaleb with worried suspicion.   
  
"But, I need you to let all of that go, now."   
  
"What?" I whispered, half surprised he hadn't gone completely ballistic at me for calling mum - well, dad - and half suspicious about where he was going with this.   
  
"Dads going to be here within the hour. He's taking you away, and I need you to listen to me carefully."   
  
Well, I wasn't listening to him anymore. He got me at, 'He's taking you away.'   
  
"You can't let him take me away," I pushed away from his grip, dropping to the floor and stumbling backward. "He'll just dump me at an orphanage! I don't want to leave here."   
  
"Jayke," Kaleb started, but I shook my head quickly, stepping backward again.   
  
"Mindy's buried here!" I snapped, covering my face quickly. I wasn't crying, no. I was just to upset to look at them. "I can't leave her! She'll never forgive me!"   
  
"Jayke," Kaleb gripped my wrists tightly, pulling my hands away from my face. "Jayke, this is your chance to have a normal, teenage life."   
  
"I'm not normal!" I retorted, trying to pull my wrists from his tight grip. "I talk to the wind! I'm scared of rain! Thunder frightens me to death, and I'm fifteen!"   
  
I started rambling off everything about me that wasn't normal.   
  
I had no friends. My room was black. I spoke to Mindy like she was human. I hurt myself. I'm a terrible person.   
  
I managed to keep all my tears at bay, which made me a small twinge of pride sprout within me.   
  
"And I love you guys!" I sobbed dryly, shaking my head desperately. "More than a brother should! It's not normal! I'm not normal."   
  
Kaleb sighed, and Lakyn didn't hesitate in stepping around him, pulling me into a tight hug and resting my head under his own.   
  
"Those things don't make you any less normal than the last person," he whispered, stroking my hair as I shook violently, trying to contain the tears. "You're unique, Jayke. What you have, is a gift that no one could ever take away. It's yours to keep."   
  
"It's not a gift! It's a curse."   
  
"No," Lakyn objected firmly, tightening his arms around me. "It's a gift."   
  
I sighed, resting my head against his chest.   
  
"I don't want to go with dad," I murmured quietly, "I want to stay here."   
  
As if to prove my point, I wrapped my arms around Lakyn's torso, effectively pulling my arms from Kaleb's grip.   
  
"Jayke," my eldest brother started, but Alek rested a hand on his shoulder.   
  
"Kaleb," Alek's voice sounded gruff, but I didn't point it out. "Dad can't take away what he never had."


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Jayke -**

"Jayke," Lakyn brushed my hair back as he tugged my pants down to my ankles. I slowly stepped out of them, clutching Lakyn's shoulders like a little kid, to keep my balance. "I know you don't want to do this, but Kaleb and Alek are set on it-"  

"You don't need to make excuses for them," I mumbled, stepping out of my boxers as Lakyn pulled them down too. "They just want to see me dressed like this. It's a stupid plan." 

Lakyn smirked at my muttered words, and he kissed the tip of my groin gently, making heat rush there and encourage it to pulse upward. 

My cheeks filled with warmth as Lakyn pressed his lips to the inside of my thigh, while grabbing a pair of small black knickers.  

"If it helps, I think you look adorable." Lakyn smiled, tugging the black knickers up and releasing the elastic band against my butt cheek harshly. I yelped, my face going redder - if that was possible.  

"Well, it doesn't." I cringed as Lakyn picked himself up, towering me slightly. He reached over to my bed, where a skintight white shirt was. He helped me push it over my head, and then grabbed the red braces off my bed post. 

"Do I need to wear suspenders?" I groaned in frustration as Lakyn clipped the clips onto my knickers.  

"We gotta make you look dirty." Lakyn sighed, cupping my cheek gently and kissing my nose slightly. 

"I am dirty." I clarified gruffly, pulling at the back of my knickers, which were being pulled up between my cheeks by the braces.  

"You're not." Lakyn said just as roughly, smacking my cheek lightly as he glared at me. "Jayke, you're beautiful, and innocent." 

"Nuh-uh," I pouted, glancing at my scrawny legs. Lakyn grabbed my chin and tilted my head upward. His lips fell across mine gently, soothingly. 

"Remember when we first had sex? You were so damn innocent and pure, it was kind of frightening. You had no idea what was happening. You didn't know any of the words, and you were so confused." 

"That doesn't mean anything-" 

I was cut off as my door swung open and Kaleb poked his head in. He gave a start when he saw me, his eyes flickering over me as he licked his lips devilishly, but then he managed to sober himself up as he cast Lakyn a slightly stern look. 

"We need to go over the plan."  

Kaleb glanced at me once more, his eyes basically undressing me and ravishing me on the spot, but Lakyn crossed his arms over his chest and moved to stand in front of me. He brought his arm out and shooed at Kaleb, who scowled, but moved away. The doors but with a sharp click, and Lakyn instantly turned back to me, his own eyes raking over me. 

"Why can't we just say no?" I questioned, fiddling with the panties again. I already had an erection, thanks to Lakyn and his butterfly kisses. 

Lakyn looked at me strangely, while taking my hand in his and pulling me away from the wall. 

"You know dad, he won't give a fuck. If he wants you, he'll do everything possible." 

"He never used to want me." I grumbled as Lakyn lead me into the hallway, closing the door gently behind us. 

"What are you talking about?" He questioned lightly, tugging on my hand. 

"Dad hates me," I grumbled, "why does he suddenly want me?" 

"Dads always loved you," Lakyn sighed, brushing my bangs back. "We just love you more." 

"Yeah, well I don't love him."  

"Do you love mum?"  

The question was sudden and shocked me slightly. Mainly because I didn't think of a positive answer immediately. 

Which just made me feel guilty.  

I don't know why, though, I mean, she obviously didn't care about me. She obviously didn't love me. My childhood was obviously a lie, built up with care from both parents, and, well, even my brothers, and then slowly, ever so slowly, bricks were pulled from my building. 

Starting with my father, as he moved himself away from us. Me, especially. It started physically, but didn't take long to turn emotionally and mentally, too. And now it just surprised me, that he actually cared enough to come and get me. 

It moved along, quickly, to my brothers, which tore down my building even more, leaving me with one final wall.  

The bull-dozing started with Alek, his once gentle words, turning to sharper tones. His wide and soft eyes, narrowing to tight slits, every time he glanced at me. His hugs, large and warm, turned to harsh grips, bruisingly tight and rough.  

Kaleb, confused me. He acted like my older brother one moment, someone I could run to, and cower within a gentle embrace, but that could change so quickly. One second he'd be telling me it was okay, and he loved me, like only a brother shoulder, and then he'd shove me away and tell me off. Allow anger to seep into his words as he told me off. Scolded me for something I either didn't mean, or didn't remember doing. And then, a moment later, he would be cuddling me to his chest and telling me it was okay, all over again. 

It's like he didn't know whether to hate me, or just be a big brother. 

And Lakyn, he was the worst. And yet, the best.  

He didn't ignore me like the others. He tried to help in some way, always making sure I was eating, and well. But, when it really came down to it, he wasn't there for me. He didn't help me when I was scared and lost. He just hid behind Alek and Kaleb, only offering his input every now and again. 

And yet, I didn't hate any of them. I only felt guilt when around them, like I had done something wrong. 

"Jayke?" 

But mum... Mum had loved me for me. She never allowed the other men in her life to screw her over. She kept close tabs on me, and made sure I wasn't sick, and if I was, she would deal with it. She always told me she understood, and she always welcomed me home - on the occasion that she was home when I arrive home - with a deep hug, that smelt like cookie-dough and lavender. 

She was the human Mindy. 

And then she left me. All because of something I hadn't done in such a long time. I also couldn't believe she'd left so easily. Hell, she slapped me. I was still stunned by the idea.  

I had thought she loved me. 

"Oi," someone snapped, and my braces flicked against me quickly, making me yelp. 

I glanced up, jolting backward into a hard chest. Hands gripped my arms tightly and I craned my neck to look up Alek, who grimaced at me. 

"You feeling okay, bud?" Alek murmured, releasing me as I stumbled forward, nodding. Lakyn gripped my hands in his as I blushed and stared up at him, his blue eyes searching my face. 

"You don't have to answer-" he began, but I cut him off by shaking my head quickly. 

"I do. Well, I did. I just don't know." I shook my head slowly, looking at the floor. "I want too, but... I just- I do. Wait, I think I do." I knew I was rambling. I wanted to stop, but I was just confusing myself.  

Dad sounded shocked about my scars, about my problem. As if he hadn't been expecting it. And... He asked me. No. He told me, that my brothers were making out in the hallway. What did that mean though?  

That couldn't be the reason for mum leaving though. I was told it was because of my self-harming. That's what Kaleb and Alek said, at least. 

Well. No, actually. They didn't tell me. They mimed it once, and I believed them. 

I didn't even think twice about it. I didn't think that maybe they lied to me. I just thought mum didn't want me. 

Had I been wrong?  

Had my brothers lied to me instead? 

A pounding on the front door made me jolt again, and Kaleb rushed into the hallway, cursing loudly.  

"So much for going over it," he grumbled, pushing me against the wall, and giving me another once over. "Okay, Alek, get your ass over here." 

Alek rolled his eyes, moving into position, pressing his body to mine tightly. He reached up, gripping my hands into one of his larger ones. He positioned my wrists so the underside was showing, the scars that zig-zagged across my pale skin, red and bold and ugly.  

"Okay, leg up," Kaleb murmured, running his hand up my bare thigh, and hiking it over Alek's hip. Alek let out his own little growl as our groins rubbed together, mine hidden behind my think knickers, and his hiding behind his jeans and boxers.  

"You should be a bloody sculptor," Alek hissed at Kaleb, as my eldest brother moved my second older brothers hand up my thigh, and to my ass. Alek's fingers slipped under the fabric of my panties, and they dug into my ass cheeks, making me groan from the back of my throat. 

"Perfect," Kaleb murmured, as someone banged on the front door again. "Okay, Jayke, I know you've never acted before, but just try to be convincing." 

They lied? 

"I will be," I brought in a shuddering breath as I glanced to Lakyn, who was twitching slightly.  

"Lake," Kaleb spun around, "get ready."  

Lakyn shot off quickly, scurrying into the kitchen as Kaleb walked swiftly to the door. He threw it open, and I winced slightly as Alek buried his mouth against my throat. 

"Kaleb," my fathers voice boomed as his large footsteps echoed through the house. "Where is he?!" 

"Operation: Make you look like an incest slut, now in place," Alek whispered against my throat, his tongue lashing out and his hips pushing forward.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Jayke -**

It's like he didn't know whether to hate me, or just be a big brother.   
  
And Lakyn, he was the worst. And yet, the best.   
  
He didn't ignore me like the others. He tried to help in some way, always making sure I was eating, and well. But, when it really came down to it, he wasn't there for me. He didn't help me when I was scared and lost. He just hid behind Alek and Kaleb, only offering his input every now and again.   
  
And yet, I didn't hate any of them. I only felt guilt when around them, like I had done something wrong.   
  
"Jayke?"   
  
But mum... Mum had loved me for me. She never allowed the other men in her life to screw her over. She kept close tabs on me, and made sure I wasn't sick, and if I was, she would deal with it. She always told me she understood, and she always welcomed me home - on the occasion that she was home when I arrive home - with a deep hug, that smelt like cookie-dough and lavender.   
  
She was the human Mindy.   
  
And then she left me. All because of something I hadn't done in such a long time. I also couldn't believe she'd left so easily. Hell, she slapped me. I was still stunned by the idea.   
  
I had thought she loved me.   
  
"Oi," someone snapped, and my braces flicked against me quickly, making me yelp.   
  
I glanced up, jolting backward into a hard chest. Hands gripped my arms tightly and I craned my neck to look up Alek, who grimaced at me.   
  
"You feeling okay, bud?" Alek murmured, releasing me as I stumbled forward, nodding. Lakyn gripped my hands in his as I blushed and stared up at him, his blue eyes searching my face.   
  
"You don't have to answer-" he began, but I cut him off by shaking my head quickly.   
  
"I do. Well, I did. I just don't know." I shook my head slowly, looking at the floor. "I want too, but... I just- I do. Wait, I think I do." I knew I was rambling. I wanted to stop, but I was just confusing myself.   
  
Dad sounded shocked about my scars, about my problem. As if he hadn't been expecting it. And... He asked me. No. He told me, that my brothers were making out in the hallway. What did that mean though?   
  
That couldn't be the reason for mum leaving though. I was told it was because of my self-harming. That's what Kaleb and Alek said, at least.   
  
Well. No, actually. They didn't tell me. They mimed it once, and I believed them.   
  
I didn't even think twice about it. I didn't think that maybe they lied to me. I just thought mum didn't want me.   
  
Had I been wrong?   
  
Had my brothers lied to me instead?   
  
A pounding on the front door made me jolt again, and Kaleb rushed into the hallway, cursing loudly.   
  
"So much for going over it," he grumbled, pushing me against the wall, and giving me another once over. "Okay, Alek, get your ass over here."   
  
Alek rolled his eyes, moving into position, pressing his body to mine tightly. He reached up, gripping my hands into one of his larger ones. He positioned my wrists so the underside was showing, the scars that zig-zagged across my pale skin, red and bold and ugly.   
  
"Okay, leg up," Kaleb murmured, running his hand up my bare thigh, and hiking it over Alek's hip. Alek let out his own little growl as our groins rubbed together, mine hidden behind my think knickers, and his hiding behind his jeans and boxers.   
  
"You should be a bloody sculptor," Alek hissed at Kaleb, as my eldest brother moved my second older brothers hand up my thigh, and to my ass. Alek's fingers slipped under the fabric of my panties, and they dug into my ass cheeks, making me groan from the back of my throat.   
  
"Perfect," Kaleb murmured, as someone banged on the front door again. "Okay, Jayke, I know you've never acted before, but just try to be convincing."   
  
They lied?   
  
"I will be," I brought in a shuddering breath as I glanced to Lakyn, who was twitching slightly.   
  
"Lake," Kaleb spun around, "get ready."   
  
Lakyn shot off quickly, scurrying into the kitchen as Kaleb walked swiftly to the door. He threw it open, and I winced slightly as Alek buried his mouth against my throat.   
  
"Kaleb," my fathers voice boomed as his large footsteps echoed through the house. "Where is he?!"   
  
"Operation: Make you look like an incest slut, now in place," Alek whispered against my throat, his tongue lashing out and his hips pushing forward.   
  
 ****** CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO *****  
**  
Jayke's P.O.V   
  
I don't know what I was expecting when my father rushed down he hall. His bright blue eyes and dark shaven hair making him look so much like Kaleb and Lakyn. He had his green tank top on, showing his frightening muscles, that were bulging with every step he took.   
  
His icy blue eyes caught sight of me and Alek, and I took that as my cue to throw my head back and groan loudly.   
  
"Al-Alek," I whined, twisting in his grip, and managing to hike my leg further up his waist, pulling his shirt up slightly.   
  
My fathers gaze dropped to my thigh as if finally seeing the scars that littered across them. Part of me was ashamed of the look that crossed his face. Complete and utter disgust. But, another part of me, a deeper part, swelled with pride.   
  
After fighting for my fathers love, and never seeming to reach anywhere with it, seeing some kind of emotion on his face, that wasn't disappointment, was pretty good. Even if it was just as negative, and probably worse.   
  
"I thought you were bluffing," he spoke up with a gravelly voice, "I thought you just wanted me to come and get you."   
  
I bit my lip, managing to draw blood from my previous teeth-marks. Alek's own mouth leaned up to cover mine. His tongue effectively slipping between my lips and stopping me from gnawing my lips off. However, he was pulled from me quickly, and slammed into the wall behind me.   
  
"So you are just like them?!" My father shouted at me angrily, gripping my wrists in his hands and digging his nails into my old scars. Behind him, Alek looked a little dazed, but Kaleb had rushed to his side quickly. "And even worse, you slowly torture yourself to get their attention! It's pathetic, you're pathetic."   
  
"Dad," I whimpered, feeling blood pool out of the cuts that his finger nails were making in my old scars. "You're hurting me."   
  
"Don't call me your father. Understand? You are not my son. My son wouldn't fall that low."   
  
I felt a cry push up from my throat as he continued digging his nails into my wrists. It hurt more now, and maybe that was because he was telling me how it was. I was pathetic. I cut myself, well, used too. That made me pathetic and weak.   
  
"Get off him!"   
  
I cringed as my dad was shoved off me, and Lakyn stood there, panting with his eyes narrowed. I had to do a double take of what he was wearing, and even Alek's slightly dazed eyes turned to one of lust quickly.   
  
Lakyn had on his apron, as per usual, but that was basically it. He had cream cheese on his arms and something brown poking out of his butt.   
  
I blinked, tilting my head to see what it was, and nearly blanched at the sight of a wooden spoon sticking out backward. Obviously it was shoved quite far up his backside, and hell. Didn't that hurt?   
  
Apparently not. Because Lakyn was dripping white stuff from his cock, which had swelled ps far up, that it was pushing at the apron angrily. I couldn't remember the exact name of it, I know to had something to do with cum, but I couldn't remember the word at the beginning. P-something. Post-cum? Prrrr-cum.. Something.   
  
"Lakyn?" My father looked shocked, but he schooled his look quickly, and instead backhanded my immediate older brother. Lakyn flew into the wall next to me, his back hitting it full force, and only pushing the wooden spoon further into him.   
  
Lakyn cried out, reaching behind him to grab at the spoon, but Kaleb was there soon enough, reaching behind Lakyn to do something, but didn't actually pull the spoon out. Lakyn whimpered at whatever he did, which seemed to piss my father off even more.   
  
I watched with wide eyes as he moved forward, as if to grab Kaleb, but I moved in front of him, gripping his hands tightly. Blood continued to pulse out of my cuts, but I had enough experience to know it would stop eventually.   
  
Beside, this was my fault. All of this, was my fault.   
  
I had to stop it, at the least.   
  
"Stop." I managed, pushing against him, staring up into the icy blue eyes. "Please."   
  
"You do not have permission to talk to me," my father seethed angrily, pushing against me, but I tightened my grip on his hands.   
  
"Father, please. You can forget you even had children, just stop."   
  
"You won't care?" He snapped at me, "isn't that why you called me? Because you wanted your mummy's love back?"   
  
The words hit close to heart, but I didn't let them effect me.   
  
"It doesn't matter anymore," I whispered. "If I had to choose between you and mum, and my brothers. It would be them. Hands down."   
  
"They lied to you," he spat, shoving me against the wall. He managed to pull his arms from my grips and clutched my shoulders tightly instead. He shook me a little, and my head smacked the wall, but I ignored it all.   
  
They lied to me?   
  
"Your mother left because they were showing incest at a ridiculously high rate."   
  
I blinked. I had thought that, it had been like a little flash in the back of my mind.   
  
"I know," I breathed, "and when she found them, I wasn't a part of it. So, I could've gone with mum, and I could've had a normal life. I could be normal."   
  
The thought made me chuckle, and my legs wobbled.   
  
"But they tricked me," I concluded, nodding as I played out what happened. "I didn't know it then, and maybe I would've gone with mum, if I knew they had. But I didn't. And things turned out like this for a reason. Mindy's dead, for a reason. Everything happens, for a reason." My voice seemed to find more power as I went on.   
  
Part of me was shocked that I wasn't angry at my brothers. They had lied to me. They had deceived me, broke on my trust.   
  
But if they hadn't, I wouldn't be this happy. I wouldn't have found the one thing I always wanted.   
  
They understood my feelings for them, and we took it on board, making me happy. Mum wouldn't have understood. Hell, she left because of the feelings between my brothers. Dad was obviously the same.   
  
My brothers understood my feelings toward Mindy, and the wind. They accepted them with open arms. My mother had never understood my fascination with the wind, and she thought of Mindy as a mere dog. A pet.   
  
Dad hadn't been around to witness any of it.   
  
My brothers would always win, hands down.   
  
"So you're willing to give up being a normal boy, to fulfil your sick fantasies. Becoming a- a freak?" My father sounded shocked, but he easily masked it with annoyance. "I don't know where your mother and I went wrong."   
  
I shrugged, "you left. Mum was never home."   
  
"You're not normal," my father declared hastily, "none of you are. Obviously you're not my sons."   
  
"But we are," I murmured, glancing at the floor. "We always will be. And dad, despite all of this, I still love you."   
  
I felt Lakyn stare at me, but I ignored it. Originally, I thought I hated him.   
  
But I didn't, not really.   
  
"And you can tell mum that, too."   
  
I found the strength to push him off me, and my father just stared at me, before turning to Kaleb.   
  
"I need to speak with you," he seethed out, stalking down the hall and toward the front door. Kaleb nodded stoically, but followed suit, his steps stiff and rigid.   
  
"Do you really believe that?" Alek questioned, staggering to his feet after Kaleb had disappeared out the front door with our father.   
  
"What?"   
  
"That you're a freak, not normal?"   
  
I bit my lower lip, but Alek leaned forward, running his thumb across my lips to stop me. I shrugged instead, "I did."   
  
"But?" Lakyn pressed, managing to stand up straight, beside the strain that was obvious in his face, and the way his legs wobbled.   
  
"But," I continued, staring Lakyn dead in the eye, "someone once told me, that I was unique."   
  
Lakyn's strain-forced face, broke into a grin, making his eyes twinkle.   
  
"Wow, must of been a pretty awesome person."   
  
"I like to think so." 


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Jayke -**

Kaleb sighed as he shut the front door. I watched as he rested his forehead against the wood, breathing out slowly. He didn't turn around to look at us, he just stayed there. I was beginning to think something horrible had happened with him and dad, but then he turned around, and he had the biggest grin on his face.   
  
So big, I could hardly believe it belonged to him.   
  
His once tired blue eyes, were full of something different now. Happiness. Joy. Peace. Love.   
  
"Kaleb?" Alek spoke up from next to me, moving down the hall toward my eldest brother, taking slowly, hesitant steps. Something I never thought I would see with Alek.   
  
He was always so out-going and ready. "What happened?"   
  
Kaleb shook his head, as if in disbelief.   
  
"Honestly?"   
  
"No," Lakyn shuffled around, pulling the spoon out of his ass with a slick popping sound, making him groan and shudder. "Lie to us, I dare you."   
  
Kaleb just ignored him though, grimacing slightly as Lakyn fully pulled the spoon out, gasping for air as he did so. The sight even made my own groin tighten.   
  
"Dad just," Kaleb breathed out, running a hand over his face, blinking, "he just-"   
  
"He just what?!" Alek finally snapped, grabbing at Kaleb's forearms tightly.   
  
Kaleb grinned, leaning forward and smashing his lips against Lakyn's roughly. Lakyn stumbled backward, his back hitting the wall as Kaleb followed him, pinning my older brother to the cream wall. Kaleb's leg slid between Alek's, and Alek groaned, his voice echoing through the hall, but he quickly gained control of himself and pushed Kaleb off him.   
  
"I was gonna say," Lakyn scowled, crossing his arms over his chest tightly and glaring at Kaleb, who released Alek and stalked down the hallway toward us.   
  
"Lakyn," Kaleb spoke quickly, wrapping his arms around my immediate brother, "go and cook a feast."   
  
"Kaleb," Lakyn spoke gruffly, pushing Kaleb off of him, "I did cook a feast, and it's all gone now."   
  
"Cook another one."   
  
"What happened?" Lakyn ignored Kaleb's order, and instead pinned our eldest brother with a stern look.   
  
"This," Kaleb pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket, waving it in front of Lakyn's face as Alek came up behind him.   
  
"What is that?" Alek questioned, pushing past me, and I pushed myself further against the wall. I was beginning to feel crowded.   
  
But not in the good way.   
  
They were ignoring me, again. And I could feel my shoulders forming bruises from where our father had gripped me.   
  
"A cheque, for seven thousand bucks." Kaleb counted, and I felt like correcting his choice of words, but bit my tongue. "And we'll get one each fortnight."   
  
"Why?" Lakyn gaped, grabbing the cheque and looking it over, "what did dad talk to you about?"   
  
They had lied to me. But, that obviously meant they wanted me. Which should make me happy.   
  
So why was I feeling so sick? So bad? Mindy wasn't even here for me to complain too.   
  
"Dad said that, as long as we didn't call them for anything, except life or death, he would continue to help pay our finances, and all that." Kaleb grinned, planting a firm kiss on Lakyn's forehead. I listened carefully, partly surprised that I didn't feel hurt by those words. I thought that just by thinking of my parents not wanting me, I would break down again. But right now, I was just thinking of my brothers, as they completely forget about me.   
  
I bit my lower lip, sliding across the wall and making my way through the lounge room and outside, over to Mindy's grave.   
  
I just needed sometime alone.   
  
To think.   
  
"Hey girl," I whispered, kneeling down next to her grave and resting my hand over where she was lain. "How are you?"   
  
I could imagine her whining, and nuzzling my hand gently.   
  
"You know, it was you or them." I sighed, shutting my eyes gently, trying to imagine her properly. "If they hadn't of lied, we would've gone with mum. And, if we went with mum, you wouldn't have gone up against Jessup. Then, you wouldn't have died."   
  
I pulled in a ragged breath, shaking my hair and stretching my legs underneath me. This stupid outfit was ridiculous. The knickers repeatedly rose up, and the suspenders weren't helping that situation. The skin tight shirt was also pinching at my nipples, making them ache to be touched.   
  
"But, like I said, everything happens for a reason." I blinked my eyes open, staring down at the grave. "And this was just one of those sad things. But, Mindy, you'll always have a special place in my heart."   
  
I exhaled, shuffling around in the outfit, and grimacing as the knickers rose up more.   
  
"Anyway, I should go," I pushed myself up, running a hand through my hair, messing it up, "I love you, girl."   
  
I bit my lower lip, turning around and walking back inside. I stopped just before I entered the hall, listening to my brothers voices, as they continued to talk.   
  
"It's a good idea, but it might make him upset at first." Lakyn was saying, and I peaked around the corner to see Alek taking the cheque from Kaleb, while moving to his bedroom and disappearing inside.   
  
Kaleb wrapped his arms around Lakyn's waist, pulling Lakyn against his hard chest.   
  
"He'll be fine."   
  
"This is Jayke we're talking about, he's fragile." Lakyn argued, but didn't go any further as Alek exited his room, wearing a different pair of jeans and a jacket over a black singlet.   
  
"I'll be back, in like, an hour. There'll be forms to sign." He explained, heading to the front door. Kaleb nodded, whispering something into Lakyn's ear as he did so. Lakyn nodded, moving to his own room, and Kaleb didn't hesitate in slapping his naked backside as he moved. Lakyn yelped, but otherwise completely ignored it, moving into his room and closing the door behind him.   
  
"Drive safely," Kaleb murmured to Alek, who was opening the front door.   
  
"Aye, aye, captain," Alek called back, before slamming the front door and disappearing. As he did so, I pulled back into the lounge room.   
  
Thoughts were racing through my head hurriedly. What were they doing? Forms?   
  
One thought stuck out in my head, and as much as I tried to shove it away, it fought it's way to the top of my mind.   
  
They're getting rid of you! They don't need you anymore, so they're sending you away!   
  
They wouldn't though. Would they?   
  
"Jayke?" Kaleb had turned into the lounge room, nearly smacking into me on the way. A smile graced his lips as he went to pull me into a hug, but I sidestepped him, looking down. "Jayke, what's wrong?"   
  
"You're throwing me away," I stated plainly, staring at the floor sadly. "I mean, I understand. I just didn't think it would be so sudden."   
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Kaleb rested his hands on my shoulders, "throwing you away? Jayke, you're staying right here, with us. Wether you like it or not."   
  
I pulled in some air quickly, almost chocking myself. Kaleb sighed, pulling me into a hard hug.   
  
"We're not throwing you away, Jay. We love you." Kaleb kissed my temple gently, "everything's getting better now."   
  
"Is it?" I couldn't help but question. It still felt like we had miles to go.   
  
"Yes," Kaleb confirmed, right as Lakyn walked into the lounge, now fully clothed in blue short-shorts and an orange singlet. He was barefooted, and his hair was ruffled up badly.   
  
"Hey, I was thinking of getting you some juice, whaddya say?"   
  
I nodded slowly, allowing Kaleb to lead me into the kitchen, following behind Lakyn. I set myself down in my usual chair, and when Lakyn set a glass of orange juice in front of me, I downed it quickly, not realising how thirsty I was, until my glass was empty.   
  
"Want some more?" Lakyn smirked cheekily at me, picking up my glass. He didn't wait for my nod - which did come eventually - and just topped it up with more orange goodness.   
  
I felt my confusion slowly subside, and I mentally smacked myself for being stupid. My brothers had already proved that they loved me. In so many ways.   
  
Some people would probably argue that, 'hell, they lied to you!' But they did it to keep me. Which means everything to me.   
  
They loved me enough to try their best to keep me.   
  
I don't know how long we stayed there, but we didn't do anything. Lakyn and Kaleb were both smiling, and just completely relaxed, which seemed to make me calm down.   
  
I was still curious as to where Alek was, but I was sure I would find out eventually.   
  
"Now, I was thinking," Lakyn suddenly spoke up, stretching his arms up and over his head quickly.   
  
"That's never good," Kaleb joked, and although Lakyn tried to glare, it cracked into a small smirk.   
  
"Anyway, I was thinking about maybe turning mum and dad's room into a sex room."   
  
"That sounds oddly dirty," I found myself murmuring, and Lakyn chuckled lightly,reaching across the table to ruffle my hair.   
  
"It'd be fun." He promised, sitting back and turning to look at Kaleb, who seemed to be contemplating the idea. I wanted to gape in horror, but managed to control myself. Kaleb shrugged, sending Lakyn a pointed look.   
  
"I like your thinking, little brother. But let's stick to getting a new laundry room first, and perhaps upgrading the bathroom, and getting Jayke out of his tiny bedroom, before we honk of kinky shit like that."   
  
Lakyn blushed, and I cocked my head in confusion.   
  
"You're the one that basically shoved a spoon up my ass," Lakyn grumbled, and I blinked, grimacing at the thought of that ever happening to me.   
  
Well, I wouldn't let it. It looked painful and horrible.   
  
"Yeah, well you asked for it." Kaleb snickered, making Lakyn open his mouth to object, but the front door opened at that stage, hitting the wall as it did so.   
  
"Honey, I'm home!" Alek called out cheerfully, and Lakyn and Kaleb swapped a look, befor glancing at me.   
  
"Go and help him, would you?"   
  
I nibbled my lip, but stood up anyway, moving out of the kitchen and into the hall. I stopped in my tracks instantly. My eyes seemed to widen a fraction, and I snapped my neck around to stare at Lakyn and Kaleb through the doorway. They both had similar smiles filtering across their face, and when Alek coughed, I turned back to him.   
  
"Are ya gonna help or not?"   
  
"I- I-" sadness swept over me as memories of Mindy hit me full-force, but I shoved them away quickly, nodding hurriedly, "I- yes. Yes."   
  
I hurried forward, moving toward Alek, who held out the fluffy thing in his hands to me.   
  
"Her names Mocha," he explained, and I smiled widely as the small border collie puppy was placed in my hands. She leant up, licking at my face excessively, and I giggled slightly, hugging her.   
  
"She's beautiful," I breathed, digging my face into her fur, "look at you." I pulled back, reaching for the blue collar around her neck with the silver pendant that had Mocha Winston engraved on it with swirly writing.   
  
"So you like her?"   
  
"Like her?" I choked, staring up at Alek and nuzzling myself into his chest so he could tuck me under his arms. "I love her!"   
  
"Good." Alek chuckled lightly, finally moving inside, and closing the front door behind him. I left him to the few grocery bags he was carrying, and ran back to the kitchen, setting Mocha on the table and then throwing myself at Lakyn.   
  
"Thank you," I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me too, before releasing me and allowing me to go over to Kaleb, who accepted my hug with open arms.   
  
"She's gorgeous," I sighed, wrapping arms around his neck tightly as he pulled me against him.   
  
"So are you."   
  
I felt myself blush deeply at the words, but chose to ignore it as I turned to the puppy. She yawned at me, before yapping lightly, and I slid off Kaleb's lap, while reaching over to pick her up.   
  
"Anyway, she's had a busy day, so why don't you put her out to pee, then set her up in your room? We can then get to bed, seeing as it's getting quite late." Kaleb stood up as I reached across the table, and as I did so, his larger hands grabbed my backside, one of his fingers pushing my knickers further up between my cheeks.   
  
I gasped, feeling Kaleb lean over me, his chest hitting my back and his mouth connecting with my shoulder.   
  
I withered beneath him, gripping the table tightly.   
  
"Maybe we'll even get something else done tonight." I could hear the smugness in his voice, and as he stood up, pulling me with him, he didn't hesitate in squeezing my backside again.   
  
"Dude!" Alek cried, stumbling in and dumping the groceries down on the table. "No foreplay in the kitchen."   
  
Kaleb chuckled, but moved away from me as I stood up straight, collecting Mocha in my arms and moving out of the kitchen. I could feel my body slowly heating up, and my cock swelling with happiness.   
  
I headed to the back door, and set Mocha down onto the grass outside, watching as she trotted along with huge steps, like a human toddler. She went about the garden, doing her business and I watched her with keen eyes, until she stopped by Mindy's grave.   
  
I was just about ready to rush forward and grab her, not allowing her to pee or poop on Mindy's grave. But I didn't have too, because she just pawed at the ground Mindy was buried under, sniffed it, licked it gently, and then came trotting back over to me, her tail wagging.   
  
"You're such a good girl," I cooed, leaning down to pick her up, and then closing he back door as I stepped inside. I moved through the lounge room quickly, and then down to my bedroom, where I walked in and flicked my bedside lamp on. I set the little bundle of joy down on the floor, then pulled out Mindy's old bowl.   
  
I was a little sad to use it on a dog that wasn't Mindy, but it would have to do. I grabbed the dog food from my cupboard, and poured a bit into her bowl, setting it down next to Mindy's old bed.   
  
"You be a good girl," I went to rub her ear gently, before leaving the room, closing the door behind me.   
  
I sighed, resting my hand against the wooden door, as I smiled. She couldn't replace Mindy, but she would be able to bury herself within my heart.   
  
"You feeling okay?" Lakyn's voice filled my sensors, and I spun around quickly to see my three brothers all staring at me.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Good," Alek grinned, "because we have night jam-packed with fun."   
  
I grimaced in confusion, and Kaleb quieted his eye brow, holding up a packet of strawberries and chocolate syrup.   
  
"We're gonna go crazy." 


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Jayke -**

"Tonight," Alek breathed, walking around the house and switching all the lights off, while Kaleb closed all the curtains and Lakyn finished drying the dishes. I was just sitting at the kitchen table, fidgeting with a bottle lid that I had found next to the recycling bin. "Will be amazing." Alek finished as he walked back into the kitchen, ruffling my hair gently as Lakyn set the tea towel down and turned around, flashing Alek a smile.   
  
"It shall," Kaleb's deep voice echoed through the room, and then his hands were touching my shoulders, sending a chill down my spine. His larger palms slowly ran down my arms, before cupping my smaller hands in his and pulling me up from the chair. My mind was turning to mush as his lips descended against my ear, his teeth nibbling gently along the shell as he pulled me away from the kitchen.   
  
"Uh, Kaleb," I spoke up quickly, feeling him pull me from the kitchen, and barely catching a glance of Lakyn as Alek pulled him along, too. "How far are we going to take thi-" I was abruptly cut off as Kaleb whipped me around, shoving me up against the hall wall, right next to his room.   
  
"We're taking it the whole way," Kaleb murmured, pressing his body against mine hotly. His clothed legs rubbed against my bare ones, and his hands ran down the back of my muscle tight shirt, before resting at the top of my panties.   
  
"You mean-"   
  
"Yes," Kaleb confirmed my unspoken question, dipping his warm hands into the back of my knickers and cupping my buttocks. I sucked in a sharp breath as his head bent forward, his lips brushing my other ear gently. I gave a small cry as he suddenly spun us around, so his own back hit the wall, and he was greedily pulling me against him. His fingers squeezed at my backside, and I found myself arching my back as my hands gripped his biceps tightly.   
  
"I could get used to this," Lakyn's voice shocked me slightly, as his own cool hands touched my flush neck, and his petal like lips brushed my collarbone. Lakyn pressed his own body up against my back, his erection poking my butthole, through my knickers and his track suit pants. "Nightly."   
  
A startled yelp left my mouth as Alek's unmistakable hands crept up my shoulders. He was more than likely standing behind Lakyn, giving my immediate elder brother the same tingling feeling as I was getting.   
  
With Kaleb's hands rubbing at my butt, and Alek's hands running along my shoulders, and Lakyn's lips and hands as they touched my neck, I was sure I was going to die.   
  
It was weird, receiving all this pleasure. All these sweet gestures, and doing nothing in return. I was only being greedy and needy. And I wanted to do something in return. But, as Kaleb's lips fell across mine, and his hands managed to pull me a little closer to him, all my thoughts just flew out the window. Lakyn and Alek moved away, and I was vaguely aware of the door to my side opening, followed my muffled moans and thumping footsteps. And then unmistakable creak of Kaleb's bed as someone fell on it. Or, someone's.   
  
"Come on," Kaleb breathed, brushing his lips against mine as his hands slid from my panties, snapping my suspenders off and allowing them to drop to the floor at our feet. It was a relief to finally get those godforsaken things off me. I thought I was going to die from either embarrassment or pain, with the way my knickers had been riding upward.   
  
I followed Kaleb into his bedroom, our hands connected as he pulled me in, and then closed the door behind him. The room fell dark, with only the slight moonlight that was peaking in through Kaleb's window. But, there was enough light to see Alek slowly stripping down, while Lakyn was laying on the bed win only his singlet on, and making soft mewling sounds.   
  
Kaleb didn't waste any time in pulling me across the room, and pushing me down on the bed, between Alek and Lakyn. It was like getting between the predator and their prey.   
  
A bad move.   
  
But Kaleb simply ignored my stunned look, as he tuned to Alek, pushing my other elder brother down forcefully, and much to Alek's surprise and disdain. Alek let out a startled sound, as Kaleb's lips attached to his neck.   
  
All I could do was watch as my two eldest brothers got it on. And I noticed that Kaleb wasn't being as gentle with Alek as he was with me and Lakhn, and Alek definitely wasn't being as caring as he was just before. Alek's hands were tangled in Kaleb's hair, and he was tugging so hard it looked like he was pulling a few strands out. Whereas Kaleb had trapped Alek's lower body between his legs, and was biting Alek's neck, trailing down and along his collarbone, before moving back up. leaving a rich set of bruises.   
  
Bruises which would surely hurt me, but only managed to turn Alek on more.   
  
And it was making my cock grow, much to my displeasure.   
  
The more Alek moaned his deep throaty moans, the more I could feel myself hardening. And that was mercilessly painful, when I had such tight kickers on, and it was also embarrassing, because I was leaking, and the wet patch easily showed through the black fabric.   
  
I gave a startled gasp as hands landed on growing member, and my head snapped up to meet Lakyn's gaze.   
  
Lakyn, my normally level-headed brother, who now had such hooded eyes, it even scared me a little. His mouth was open in a small circle, and I could basically see the steam that flew from his mouth as he puffed. His hand tightened around my growing erection, and a groan managed to escape my mouth as Lakyn shuffled into a position between my legs. His fingers tickled my waist gently, slwoly sliding down to my hips, where he twisted his fingers under the fabric of my underwear, and tore them down in one swift movement.   
  
I felt like my cheeks were on fire as I sprung free from the confinements.   
  
Lakyn glanced up at me again, his hands racing down my thigh, before heightening back up, coming to rest between my legs. My breathing hitched as he pushed against my inner thighs, my legs spreading wider and giving him a visible view of what was between them. His hands both raced to grip it tightly, and as his cool fingers wrapped around my hot organ, everything around me seemed to disappear.   
  
I could still hear Alek's rough moans, and Kaleb's small grunts. I could still hear Lakyn panting like a wolf in heat, and I could feel the warm air as it flew from his mouth and caressed my cheeks, my nose, my face.   
  
And then I felt his lips, as they pressed against mine, his own parting slightly, making mine open. His tongue pushed in quickly, and his hand tightened around my cock, making me moan into his mouth as my body withered.   
  
All I could feel was pleasure rocketing my body. And as one of Lakyn's hands slid behind me, pushing me up onto his lap so our fronts rubbed together, along with his hand still pleasuring me, I thought I was going to break then and there. But I managed to hold it, and as one of his fingers grinned into me from my backside, I couldn't even feel the pain that I remembered being there the first time Alek did it.   
  
All there was, was pleasure.   
  
Pleasure that shot up my spine, making my body wither against Lakyn, who continued to slide his tongue in and out of my mouth, probing my own tongue, begging it to dance.   
  
My arms reached up, wrapping around Lakyn's shoulders tightly as I tangled my hands through his hair. I tried to be more gentle then how Alek had been doing it, but I still couldn't help but tug helplessly.   
  
I felt like I was in a dreamland, surrounded by clouds and candy and candle light. There were millions of Alek's and Kaleb's and Lakyn's, each doing something naughty to a different me. And it all added up. I had hands ravishing me, running along my back, tearing my shirt up and off. Hands pulling at my own hair as lips gnawed at my neck and collarbone. Teeth were clamping against my nipples, making them hard, and making my body wither as I bucked my hips quickly. I felt like I was empty.   
  
Like I needed something within me.   
  
"I thought you'd never ask," Kaleb's voice broke my image straight away, and I was crashing back down onto the bed, where Lakyn's hand on my cock, had transferred to his mouth. And as if I was feeling for it the first time, a whimper escaped my throat, while I bucked helplessly.   
  
Behind me, Kaleb had had his hands, obviously replacing Lakyn's with his at some point. But now he was slowly removing them, making me groan at the loss of feel. I didn't have to wait for long though, because as I felt Kaleb shuffling me backward, so I was sitting on his lap, lips cl appeared around one of my hard and perky nipples.   
  
"Nng!" I tossed my head back against Kaleb's shoulder, feeling him shuffle me around as he started to steadily being me down onto his own member, but I was staring at the top of Aleks head now, as he ravished my chest. The front of his hips had disappeared inside Lakyn, much like Kaleb's had not to many days ago, and I instantly realised that that was why Lakyn was moaning and whining while his mouth was around me.   
  
I felt my own pressure build as Kaleb slowly pushed into me, and as he started to move last the ring if muscles, I felt like I was going to give out. I could feel myself ready to spurt, especially with the way Alek was toying at my chest, and Lakyn was playing with my nether regions.   
  
"Gah-hah," I gasped, finally feeling Kaleb fill me to the brink, as he managed to set me down in his lap. It was definitely worse than fingers. I grimaced as pain radiated up my spine, making me arch my back and wither and move against Kaleb. It only succeeded in making him groan, and me cry out, because although the pain was there, pleasure was staring to rocket through me again, and this time, I was sure I would explode.   
  
As Kaleb kissed my neck gently, he gripped my hips, making sure to start moving at a reasonable pace. But, that pace was becoming boring and slow,especially the more he went at it. At some stage, Alek had pulled back, instead working on Lakyn, and as I felt myself draw close to my peak, Lakyn had pulled back too, instead moving to play with my lips.   
  
As our tongues danced, I couldn't even describe the pleasure that was shooting through me from Kaleb's quick thrusts. I could feel myself building up on the brink. Ready to explode.   
  
And that's what I did. Right as Kaleb hit that special spot inside me, I gave out, all across Lakyn's chest and my own.   
  
I rode out my orgasm, and Lakyn must have been riding out his too, because I felt another spurt hit my chest not to soon later, and as much as I wanted to grimace, I couldn't find it in myself to do so.   
  
A few moments later, and I was positive Alek and Kaleb had come down a little from their highs, because we laying down and bundling up in a little huddle, me squished between Lakyn and Kaleb, with Alek's arms over Lakyn's sides, with his hands gripping my own.   
  
I felt at peace.   
  
I felt at home.   
  
I had Mindy's burial in the backyard, I had Mocha.   
  
I had a life, that wasn't so miserable anymore.   
  
And to think, that I was going to make up some slanderous scheme to kill myself not to long ago. To release all this pain, that I didn't know how to get out. Well, now I had a way. And it was tucked up between my three elder brothers, along with the feeling of security and warmth. Nothing would take this away. No one could.   
  
Not now, not ever.   
  
"Stop mumbling to yourself," Lakyn whispered, his eyes squeezed shut as he nuzzled my nose with his own. "Go to sleep."   
  
"I will." I promised, tightening my hand in Alek's and feeling him tighten his hold back. "I love you."   
  
"Love you, too." Lakyn mumbled, kissing my petite nose gently.   
  
"Love ya," Alek grumbled, snuggling up against Lakyn's back.   
  
"Mhm, love you, kiddo." Kaleb murmured into my ear. And despite her being gone, I could feel Mindy's nose as she nuzzled my hand. Her way of showing affection.   
  
I would have to teach Mocha that. I would have to teach Mocha a lot.   
  
"Stop thinking and sleep," Kaleb wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. "Sleep."   
  
And I did, with an everlasting smile on my face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have - the Original Version of 'Slanderous Scheme'!


End file.
